You Have Your God

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Okay, first of all, I mean no offense. Sometimes it's just irritating to see people who call themselves Good Christians who are filled with hate and condescension, and forget the teachings of their own religion. Personally, I'm not Christian, but I go to a Christian school- people there are loving, and have recently shown me that in some parts of the world, Christianity isn't all about paying money and having a cross on your wall, unlike the places where I grew up. So, this really ISN'T directed towards the entire religion. Just to people who don't know their own stuff. :)
And this is more a rant I just spewed onto a blank document more than anything else.

the homeless man on the corner
watches everyone walk by with blind and
self-cataracted eyes, ignoring the begging cap full of air
and the visions dancing in front of his
aching, terrified eyes that he’s been fighting for a year--

you’re all just walking by, unseeing and unknowing,
and most importantly, uncaring
about what you never try to look at--
it’s so easy to grow so comfortable and cozy
and SNUG in ignorance
that you become reluctant to move,
and inertia takes your limbs like everyday is Sunday and
you don’t feel like going to Church to close your eyes.

but the real question is, how can you go to Church
when your eyes are closed
and your ears are numb and buzzing,
when you’ve dulled down your senses to that
of a cucumber, and even walking becomes hard
when you’re swathed in so many sheets
of simple STUPID?

you preach and you speech and you tear
out your hair at the condition of humanity
while facing forward with both hands on the wheel,
watching the street while at a stop, and drowning in white noise
instead of seeing the homeless man who sits and sobs on the curb
and doesn’t know what to do with his broken, used-up life,
because he’s never really lived;

you haven’t spoken with the bruised, baggy-eyed prostitutes
or the gamblers so unbalanced with debt that they’ve fallen from their families
because they don’t deserve your God:
they’re too dirty, too fat, too scary, too unknowing,
and if they don’t already know,
why should you tell them?

you hold Him inside you like a vice,
terrified that if you let Him go,
He’ll leave you in disgust with what you are,
because somewhere deep inside, there’s a
suppressed knowledge of SIN that you don’t want to recognize,
a little niggling worm of wakefulness that screams at you about
how you don’t really know your God,
you don’t really know how He works or feels, or what He says,
and you don’t want to share Him, because He might find someone
better, someone who’s a better business man or soccer mom,
someone who doesn’t chew as loudly and knows how to change a tire--

and so the others souls can rot, can burn and
die in a charred husk of dirty skin and too-long fingernails,
still plagued by nightmares and reminders of a war that they never should have fought--
it doesn’t matter, because in the end

you have your God.
Last edited by Button on Mon Jan 10, 2011 9:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.




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Wow, I really like this piece.
Its really detailed and emotional. I can feel how the begger feels and the ignorance of the people who walk past.
What you have said is really true aswell. People just walk past and dont care because in their minds going to Church is the only thing they have to do to get into Heaven.
A really enjoyable piece of poetry.
Well done!
...The Emptiness Will Haunt You...




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Okay, first of all, I mean no offense. Sometimes it's just irritating to see people who call themselves Good Christians who are filled with hate and condescension, and forget the teachings of their own religion. Personally, I'm not Christian, but I go to a Christian school- people there are loving, and have recently shown me that in some parts of the world, Christianity isn't all about paying money and having a cross on your wall, unlike the places where I grew up. So, this really ISN'T directed towards the entire religion. Just to people who don't know their own stuff. :)
Firstly, thanks for the qualifier. It prepared me, and I may have misunderstood without this. I am a Christian, but I've noticed the hypocrisy too. For a while it made me want to dissociate myself from Christians, until I, like you said, noticed the people who were loving and wonderful and sincere. Oh and, for what it's worth, Christianity is about relationship, not religion, but you've probably heard that before. :)
And this is more a rant I just spewed onto a blank document more than anything else.
Well, I'd suggest that you polish up the rant you spewed. :) It has some really great stuff in it, it's just a little rough around the edges. I'm too tired to do a full review, but I'll comment on a coupe of things.

Okay, so my main question for this poem is to do with the transition in these verses:
we’re all just walking by, unseeing and unknowing,
and most importantly, uncaring
about what we never try to look at--
we’ve all grown so comfortable and cozy
and SNUG in our ignorance
that we’re reluctant to move,
like everyday is Sunday and
we don’t feel like going to Church to close our eyes.

but the real question is, how can you go to Church
when your eyes are closed
and your ears are numb and buzzing,
when you’ve dulled down your senses to that
of a cucumber, and even walking becomes hard
when swathed in so many sheets
of simple STUPID?
Between these verses there's a transition from 'we' and 'our' to 'you' and 'your'. My question is: why? The rest of the poem continues in 'you' and 'your' form, which is stronger, angrier, and more accusatory. You begin the poem like an observation of what is wrong with humanity, with yourself included. 'You Have Your God' didn't have to be a religious title. It seemed for a while that it could be about how we are all blinded by the things we worship. However, by the end you have excluded yourself from the wrongdoers and narrowed your accusations down to a particular group. Of course, that's what the poem's about, and you made that clear, but I preferred the beginning. I would suggest a compromise between the 'we' and 'our' and the 'you' and 'your'. Make it 'you' and 'your' the whole way through, but soften the tone slightly. I know it isn't supposed to be soft, but you need to be careful of sounding as judgmental as the people you're writing about (and your explanation at the start showed that you aren't, I just feel that it should be evident in the poem too).

you have your God.
Your last line is so powerful. It is just the perfect ending to this.

Well, before your poem you said you meant no offense and I'd like to say: none taken. I liked this a lot. It is powerful and thought provoking and I'd love to see it become more of a poem and less of a rant. I love that it really means something, and that you're writing about something you feel strongly about.
I hope this is in some way helpful!

-pigeon
Reader, what are you doing?





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This was a a great idea for a poem, and it is one that shows us how you're feeling and your thoughts on today’s thoughts on the thoughts of god, but one part I found extremely offence that you should remove all together, it's not just me I don't think,

they don’t deserve your God
the fact you said "They don't deserve your god" no one doesn't deserve god, I may have just read it wrong but I don't know. Anyway, that's all I have wrong with this poem, besides that I love this piece

~masked poet




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Awesome job. I agree with the above, "Thanks for the qualifier" - although I think it is clear that this is directed more at so-called Christians who, in action, are not really Christian at all, rather than those of us who try to be nice people. Suffice it to say, it pisses me off that the CRAZY Christians, you know, the gung-ho, over-the-top, pyscho-fundamentalist Christians, are the ones who get all the publicity. I am Catholic, and I hate this because it makes people like me look nuts - we're a veritable laughing-stock to the atheists, they're like, "See? You're all NUTS!" And it's no good telling them that, no, really, most of us aren't.

I quote Barbara Kingsolver's "Poisonwood Bible": There are Christians, and then there are Christians.

Again, great job, very powerful imagery and I agree, the holier-than-thou people who glare at you if you giggle in Church and then proceed to run down little old ladies in their hurry to get out of the parking lot and back to the bar are just stupid and un-Christian, no matter how often they go to Church!

~Blue




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Hi! I'd like to say I really enjoyed reading it.

However just saying that wouldn't help! You have a suPerb balance of imagery and emotion but there is not a personal voice which is a real shame.

Just maybe a personal opinion. Maybe I see them or I know that.
I just think it would heighten the emotion and really make the piece stand out.

Pm me for anything!
My favourite author on here is you by the way. Addicted to your work XD
Keep it up

~retro disco666
'I have loved to the point of madness, which for me is the only true way to love'
~Francoise Sagan




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I am a christian, but I agree with you here. I hate when people do that, and I feel major guilt whenever we drive by a homeless person. This poem reminds me of a Gahndi quote "I like you christ, but I do not like your christians, they are so unlike your christ" I always loved this quote, and I was thinking about it the entire time I read this poem.
Cats are like characters. You may say they're yours, but in reality, they own you. ~Me

You can take away all the arts you want, but soon, the children won't have anything to read or write about. ~Glen Holland




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I think I'm quite attached to this poem. There's something about it that makes me want to cry and hate at the same time, really weird mixture of emotions. I enjoyed the imagery and the description and it was blatantly obvious that you had spent a great deal of time with this, it doesn't seem like something you just thoughtnup and wrote on the spot.

Apart from that, I wasn't really into the poem If you know what I mean. I felt as though I was just an onlooker. Not really watching or knowing what was going on, I was only listening, I could only hear your words in my head but I couldn't see the picture you were trying to paint. I'm not really making much sense but that was how it came to me. Almost like there was a bit too much information and not enough personality and feeling in it, feeling is not even the right word because there was buckets loads of emotion!

The verses were vell placed as in they didn't go on to long or too short and the pot or the pace was good enough aswell.

Overall I think with a little more depth and work on the imagery I think this could turn ut really well! It s like we need a microscope but we don't have one, we know what were looking for is there but if we just had that microscope we'd see it. Bt we don't so were going to have to make it bigger and going to have to make it more obvious.
Well done it was thoroughly enjoyed.

Keep working and good luck!
Kaka xox
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If, when you mean to type yes you type yws, you know you belong. :P




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Persephoneia wrote:
the homeless man on the corner
watches everyone walk by with blind and
self-cataracted eyes, ignoring the begging cap full of air
and the visions dancing in front of his
aching, terrified eyes that he’s been fighting for a year--

you’re all just walking by, unseeing and unknowing,
and most importantly, uncaring
about what you never try to look at--
it’s so easy to grow so comfortable and cozy
and SNUG in ignorance
that you become reluctant to move,
and inertia takes your limbs like everyday is Sunday and
you don’t feel like going to Church to close your eyes.

but the real question is, how can you go to Church
when your eyes are closed
and your ears are numb and buzzing,
when you’ve dulled down your senses to that
of a cucumber, and even walking becomes hard
when you’re swathed in so many sheets
of simple STUPID?

you preach and you speech and you tear
out your hair at the condition of humanity
while facing forward with both hands on the wheel,
watching the street while at a stop, and drowning in white noise
instead of seeing the homeless man who sits and sobs on the curb
and doesn’t know what to do with his broken, used-up life,
because he’s never really lived;

you haven’t spoken with the bruised, baggy-eyed prostitutes
or the gamblers so unbalanced with debt that they’ve fallen from their families
because they don’t deserve your God:
they’re too dirty, too fat, too scary, too unknowing,
and if they don’t already know,
why should you tell them?

you hold Him inside you like a vice,
terrified that if you let Him go,
He’ll leave you in disgust with what you are,
because somewhere deep inside, there’s a
suppressed knowledge of SIN that you don’t want to recognize,
a little niggling worm of wakefulness that screams at you about
how you don’t really know your God,
you don’t really know how He works or feels, or what He says,
and you don’t want to share Him, because He might find someone
better, someone who’s a better business man or soccer mom,
someone who doesn’t chew as loudly and knows how to change a tire--

and so the others souls can rot, can burn and
die in a charred husk of dirty skin and too-long fingernails,
still plagued by nightmares and reminders of a war that they never should have fought--
it doesn’t matter, because in the end

you have your God.


I personally loved this poem, I relate to it so well, I was called a bastard child other week and told I was going to burn in hell because I did not follow a christian teachers beliefs. I liked hoe gritty and sort of "put-the-problem-in-your-face" the poems was. My favourite stanza was the last one. You use grat imagry and language, I saw the homeless man and the prostitutes in the street. I saw your whole poem and I thought it was wonderful. Well done, I'm giving this a "like". xxxxxx
Im the best :)




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I'm a Christian, and I have to say.....

I agree 100%. Seriously. There are Christians out there, condemning everyone else. That kind of person, in my opinion, is not a true Christian. I'm not going to start preaching here, but it does say in the Bible:

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’


That's saying that if you help a beggar on the curb, or reach out to the needy, you're doing it as if Christ was sitting there. "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."

Well written! Love it =)

~Scrat




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Thank you, thank you, thank you so many times for posting this! I have to say, I am a very strong Catholic, but I'm also very open-hearted, and I love to hear informed opinions (emphasis on the informed) about the fundamentalist Christian fanatics giving us all a bad name.
I try to be a good person, and I try to live my faith out in my life, but nothing makes me angrier than when people who have the audacity to call themselves God-loving people go around telling others that "they're going to Hell." I hate, hate, HATE it, and it makes me embarrassed to be counted among them. More than often, I've been called someone who hates homosexuals, thinks women are inferior, and takes pleasure in damning people who don't agree with me. That's not who I am. That's not what Christianity is, and it's not how it should be practiced. Many Catholics haven't even read the bible, or thought about the readings they hear in church. Furthermore, there are people who go through the motions of being Christian just cause it's what the majority does. Going to church doesn't make you Christian any more than floating in a swimming pool makes you a fish.
Thank you for finally taking a jab at these ridiculous people who give me and other good Christians a bad name. If you ever want to discuss it on good ground, with another informed and open-hearted person, PM me or something :)
- SOCKS, the Good Doctor
Would you kindly?




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Coral, this was absolutely beautiful and true. I relate to it completely. You use good strong words that brought this poem to life, for me.

Well done, keep writing!




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I love the anger in this. It is so "in-your-face" about it. The thing that off-set (is that a word?) it to me was the comparison of the Christian's dull senses to the cucumber. That had me bursting out laughing. Sorry, it was just funny.

I liked how you would capitalize words to make them jump out at the reader. They grabbed my attention, certainly.

All in all, a very nice poem indeed.
There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles. -Anonymous.




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Hey Persephoneia! Powerful stuff here!

The most powerful part was about the beggar and such. That presented a strong image that really captured the essence of your anger and showed how ridiculous the hypocrisy was. The rest just seemed like extra verbage. Concentrate on your image more and you'll make it even more powerful. Rarely do rants, even justified rants, ever touch the hearts like images and stories do. That's why politicians use powerful stories to win their voters.

Best luck!
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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I couldn't agree with you more! I really don't understand why people consider themselves better and above everyone else. Because they go to church every Sunday and your right that’s not all it takes to be Christians. I had a roommate who absolutely hated Christians and everything there about because the idea had been forced on her, her whole life. We’d always get into fights about Christianity. She’d say it was evil and I’d disagree and you know what? It’s Christians who use the name of god to do bad things that give us a bad name, people always have a way of twisting the words in the bible to suite them. . God loves all his children equally whether their homosexuals, women or have other religions.
Alex: I didn't set fire to the building.

Ash: No, but you did pull it into the river.

Alex: That put the fire out!



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