Young Writers Society

Hey there

i REALLy enjoyed this poetry it is amazing piece of poetry.. Everything seemed to fit perfectly together and made such great sence.I reallh hope you carry on writing and I hope to read more of your poems

Regards:
China Cookie

that's a lovely poem. I love it when poems rhyme seems to make more sense to me

This is extremely good! I don't really have any edits. This poem really rang true, and it's beautifully written. Why not try turning it into a villanelle? It would be really good practice to further your writing skills, and this format, I think, leans heavily towards making a good villanelle. Just a suggestions, of course. You might find it interesting.

Really, no change is needed. Excellent job!

-Tori

Ahaha so this is what the competition looks like. All I have to say is, wow! You have extraordinary talent for poems. I was so drawn in and it read so smoothly that I forgot to even watch for critiques (not that I would have found many anyways). I loved the realism of it and I could relate to it very well. Great work! I'll have to join the others and "like" it.

KnightlyAngel09 wrote:Perhaps we should not kiss tonight,
Beneath the hazy silver light;
Intoxicated by the fumes
Of cigarettes and cheap perfume.

Perhaps we should not dance tonight,
Lose ourselves in pulsing lights;
And spin around out of control,
Fueled on by alcohol.

Perhaps we should not talk like this,
Tongues so laced with candid wish;
Or look into each other eyes,
And reading there such sweet demise.

Perhaps we should not kiss tonight,
Beneath the blinding, numbing light;
And save the precious teenage wish,
From a fevered mind and fleeting kiss.

Hey so, I love this poem, it is really good, i was just wondering if there was a reason behind it, as it seems a little strange, yet is really good...

Very nice! This is my first review, so I'm not going to say much; I'm I've in love with this poem, so beautiful. It's hard to choose my favorite line but; muy bien!

I really love this poem. My two favorite lines were:

Tongues so laced with candid wish
AND
From a fevered mind and fleeting kiss

Beacause they really show and don't tell. As said before, the repitition of perhaps was nice, because it shows the characters uncertainty about what is going on. This poem is short, to the point, and I like it that way. You chose a title that sucks the reader in, your language is precise and beautiful, and you get to the point in only four stanza's. You are a greta poetry, PM me if you post any more please.

Can you spell AMAZING?! Because I cannot fathom how amazing I find it. Maybe I'm over reacting because I'm tired and delirious, but nonetheless, I loved it now, and I'll love it tomorrow!
Please keep writing, for this poem made my day!

MissMadHatter

Hiya! When I saw your title the first thing that jumped to mind was the Evanescence song "Call Me When You're Sober". They're my favorite band so I had to check it out! I was very pleasantly surprised at your poem. It was very good and descriptive... in the words of several other reviewers, "it painted a picture with the words". Some of your lines are going to be stuck in my mind for a while now! I'm not much of a poet, so I can't really critique on the structure as well, because I wouldn't be able to do this. I'm commenting more on the word choice and acutal writing of it and both were very well done. I would say that this is pretty much perfect, but then again, I'm not much of poet
Best wishes and have a Happy Christmas!
Luxy

This is what I simply love about your poetry! Your beginnings pull the reader in, and your endings are always so bold.
Perfection once again.

I really like this!
i thinks it's really brave and honest
specially because a lot of us are faced with this sort of situations
and i think this is essentially well written.
Great job.

nice poetry and rhymes.. i like the poem and its deep message.. an expert work i guess.. keep up the nice poetry in you..

I liked how you used a rhyme scheme in your poem. The poem seemed a little strange but that's just the tongue part. Other wise I enjoyed this poem.