True Love

The Lord above created you for me to love
He picked me out of all the rest
Because he knew I would love you best
Take care oh my heart as I have done
Because you have two and I have none
If I should die before you do
In heaven I will wait for you
If your not there on judgment day
I'll throw away my wings
Golden halo and other things
And just to prove my love is true
I'll go to hell and wait for you

This is truly a touching poem. I enjoy reading poetry eventhough I can't write it at all, and I enjoyed reading this particular one.

The only thing I suggest you revise is punctuation. Puncutation will give the poem a deeper sound to it, give it more dramaticness, if used correctly. Also, if one were to read it outloud now, according to punctuation, he/she would have to read the whole poem through without taking a breath in between. Here's how I would put the punctuation:

The Lord above created you for me to love
He picked me out of all the rest
Because he knew I would love you best.
Take care oh my heart as I have done
Because you have two and I have none,
If I should die before you do
In heaven I will wait for you.
If you're not there on judgment day
I'll throw away my wings,
Golden halo and other things
And just to prove my love is true,
I'll go to hell and wait for you.

The things I changed are in bold. There was only one spelling mistake I found, "your" should be "you're". Im not sure if you've put "oh" instead of "of" accidently, but in my opinion it works like that too. This are just suggestions though. Seeing as I am not a good poet, I dont have much I can say to critize others for their poems The punctuation would control the flow of your words, emphacizing certain words or lines you want to be emphacized.

As I said above, I really liked this poem. Keep up the good work!

WaitingForLife out... --->

I like this, it is short and yo make your point, I do hve a few things to say though...

The Lord above created you for me to love. << Here you should go on to add a line that ends with a word that rhymes with love...
He picked me out of all the rest,
Because he knew I would love you best.
Take care of my heart as I have done;
Because you have two and I have none. << I like this line here a lot!
If I should die before you do,
In heaven I will wait for you.
If your not there on judgment day,
I'll throw away my wings, << Here you should end with a word that rhymes with "day" maybe just change the words arounf so they read, "I'll throw my wings away"
My golden halo and other things.
And just to prove my love is true,
I'll go to hell and wait for you.

Ok, so this is a good poem, but you have a rhyme scheme and some times you don't go with, which ruins the whole poem. I also think this poem would be easier to read with puncuation... Fix that it this will be a wanderful poem! I love the last line, it is a great way to end the poem and tis does seem to capture the aspect of true love, but maybe a differant title will be go, "True Love" will trun away those that don't want to read another poem about how in love someone is, and this is not one of those poems, it has a deeper meaning, so maybe a deeper title is in order...

Hope this helps,

~Rain~

Disturbing because of the last part. Perfect because of that too. So to you I give I like! Thanks for the read. Nothing to nit-pick content wise, listen to the above reviewers. *LIKES*

Veiyloxx wrote:The Lord above created you for me to love
He picked me out of all the rest
Because he knew I would love you best
Take care oh my heart as I have done
Because you have two and I have none
If I should die before you do
In heaven I will wait for you
If your not there on judgment day
I'll throw away my wings
Golden halo and other things
And just to prove my love is true
I'll go to hell and wait for you

The only grammatical error I spotted is that "your". It should be "you're"...you've been confused with that.
But anyway, kind of a typical love poem really.

Listen yall... "your" is slang not that, that matters because it doesn't.
Poetry is the only exception to literary work that punctuation doesn't have to be applied. So for those who haven't studied poetry please take the time to actually study it a little while, like I have.

Veiyloxx wrote:Listen yall... "your" is slang not that, that matters because it doesn't.
Poetry is the only exception to literary work that punctuation doesn't have to be applied. So for those who haven't studied poetry please take the time to actually study it a little while, like I have.

Oh...maybe you're trying to pull out your own style?
Oh, wait. You kinda sounded like E. E. Cumming--I mean, ee cumming.
Now, I've noticed that you used no punctuations. I understand your forced style now.
But please don't degrade us reviewers. We're taking the time to HELP YOU improve.
If you know a lot about poetry, don't post your poems here because you're too good for us to review.
Thanks.

What are you trying to do here...
If you haven't gotten it already i dont need to improve as far poems and poetry goes young one.
I post here to inspire others to write as i have been inspired to by other great poets. Sometimes people think to themselves " how can i be great like the Great ones are."

bleh forget it i just wont post anything else on here obviously yall are to young to review and understand english literature

I agree Jash in that reviewers are meant to point out or COMMENT on something concerning the story. Whether the author chooses to take that advice/comment is up to them. Generally by posting on YWS users try to learn how they can improve their work (review) and what people think of it (a comment). It seems if you do not want people to review your work Veiyloxx so I think that maybe next time you should just ask for comments or just nothing at all if your purpose is to help inspire others.

Hey guys! Let's put this back on track. Keep comments about the reviews of the poem only! No commenting on comments.

Veiyloxx! If you do not want to get anymore reviews, please PM me and I'll lock this for you so no one will be able to respond. Thanks!

wooow there's a fight here. Maybe veil has a point, but I believe you should take into consideration that no matter how convinced you are with your poem, the reader's reviews thoughts and feelings are what make your work good or not. As for my impression, I really liked it, and what makes it special, is that many other people can relate to your deep love. My only advice to you is to support your amazing ideas and images with well enhanced vocabulary. I think you can make something outa your poems.

Snoink wrote:Hey guys! Let's put this back on track. Keep comments about the reviews of the poem only! No commenting on comments.

Veiyloxx! If you do not want to get anymore reviews, please PM me and I'll lock this for you so no one will be able to respond. Thanks!

Sorry, Miss Mod. It's obvious though who was first to comment on a comment.

Anyway, back to the poem! I read it again. The only line I didn't like about it is the phrase "other things". It was ambiguous--could have meant a lot more if the choice of words were considered. And so un-poetical. Throw in some image there. And yes, it's plain typical, way too typical. I mean the "theme" ok--the THEME!
Chillax, dude, please, for the sake of everyone. You can't even take a bit of constructive criticism. You could've said your argument in a very nice way, y'know (oh, now that's slang. )
But apparently, you were too feisty.

Spoiler

Too much hype? Speaking of being featured for days.

Unbelievabe, so touching, so movin, i wish i could write poetry like that but im only good at Fiction stories and stuff. Love it, mader me almost cry
Great work

I enjoyed reading your poem, but I cannot call it great. You held my interest, but there was nothing truely special about it. I firmly believe, though, that you will one day make an excellent writer.

~TheManintheHat

This really touches you in the soft spot.
I love this poem because it shows the true love and dedication for a person!
It's short but I love how the main idead isn't strung out.
It gets right to the love point.
-Libby