Our Time

I wrote this at 1:00am yesterday... I was like half in limbo and I couldn't sleep so... I don't know... LOL

Lying in the dark
Drowning in my tears
Crying out my heart
All wrapped up in fears

Holding to my pillow
I wish you were here
But I know that moment
is not close to near

The dawn is breaking
I can see the light
There's a time for everything
And I'll wait for ours

Thanks for the "Likes"

That was a sad poem but still it was good. I really liked it and I know that inspiration to write can come from anywhere and at any time. Sometimes it comes early or it comes later than most times we are used to. I usually write at home or at school and one day i was up til 2 writing a story that i decided was not worth it and tossed it somewhere. I found it just now and i realize the potential it had and I am now writing it as well. My writing is mostly fantasy or poem, which is usually fantasy as well.

Hey Solv.

Solvalery wrote:I wrote this at 1:00am yesterday... I was like half in limbo and with insomnia so... I don't know... LOL

I was wondering if you were an insomniatic. Anyway, this poem was really sad. At 1:00 I'm either sleepy and disoriented or up writing while high on Mnt. Dew and whatever candy I have in my room. Well, keep on writing! *clicks like* I haven't seen "Unfortunately...I love you." In a while.
~Ladypurple.

I know you weren't trying to have that end rhyme thing some poems have but the first stanza was soooo close. Since It's driving me crazy I think a way you could change it is to do this...

Lying on the dark
Drowning on my tears
Crying my heart out
Crying out my heart
All wrapped up in fears

Cheers for cool poems!

I wrote this at 1:00am yesterday... I was like half in limbo and with insomnia so... I don't know... LOL

Hehe, nice poem for 1:00am! I sometimes wake up with an idea and run around in the dark trying to find a notebook to write in

Lying on the dark is the 'on' intentional? Or is it supposed to be 'in'? I think it works either way, just checking
Drowning on my tears Hehe, again, 'on' or 'in'? I think In would be better here
Crying out my heart
All wrapped up in fears this rhyme sounds a little forced, like you only used 'fears' to rhyme with 'tears', but it's not too bad.

Holding to my pillow
I wish you were here
But I know that moment
is not close to near close to near? you're repeating yourself. I know you're doing it to make the line rhyme, but it makes the rhyme sound forced so I would change it if I were you.

The dawn is breaking
I can see the light
There's a time for everything
And I'll wait for ours

Your rhyming pattern is different in the middle verse. I'm not sure if that's intentional or not, you might want to rearrange the lines or something.

Anyway, really pretty poem! And sad too, with an uplifting ending. The mix of emotions is really good. Nice work.

-pigeon

I have that happen to me some times, I'm lying awake awake in the middle of the night and BAM! a poem hits me:)

Ok, so I like this poem. It is true that some of your rhymings sound forced but that can easily be fixed...

Lying in the dark
Drowning in my tears
Crying out my heart
All wrapped up in fears << Get rid of "up" and the rhyme wont sound really sound forced...

Holding on to my pillow Add "on" after holding
I wish you were here
But I know that moment
is not close to near "Is not very near" sounds way better then "Is not close to near" makes the rhyme less akword as well...

As dawn is breaking << "as" sounds better the "the"
I can see the light
There's a time for everything
And I'll wait for ours << If your going to make everything else ryhme this have to go with that as well or it ruins the poem...

Overall, I like it... Keep writing

~Rain~

Hello there, Solva!

I think this poem has a potential. Perhaps just try to sort out or place in some punctuations to make the flow of this piece better. Also, it's really not necessary at all to capitalize every first letter of each line. But as for the rhyming, I think it's okay. However, adding some sugar and spice wouldn't hurt, right? It just sound almost cliche' and there's nothing compelling here that can make this piece stands out with uniqueness. It's too plain so I suggest that you set in some imageries and make this refreshing as possible as it can be. So that's it. Hope I helped and PM me for questions.

Keep writing!

Peace out,
yuri

Solvalery wrote:I wrote this at 1:00am yesterday... I was like half in limbo and I couldn't sleep so... I don't know... LOL

Lying in the dark
Drowning in my tears
Crying out my heart
All wrapped up in fears

Holding to my pillow
I wish you were here
But I know that moment
is not close to near

The dawn is breaking
I can see the light
There's a time for everything
And I'll wait for ours

Thanks for the "Likes"

Hey sol, here is my review:

1.

Lying in the dark
Drowning in my tears
Crying out my heart
All wrapped up in fears

I loved the images you have drown here, however try:

x.

All wrapped up in fears

----> Overtaken by my fears Or so, If you get my point, try to give some stronger words that equal up to the strength of your images.

2.

Holding to my pillow
I wish you were here

You've made a sentence structure mistake here:

x.

I wish you were here

Must be "Wishing" because all the verbs you've used before were in the "ing" form

3.

But I know that moment
is not close to near

Okay soly hun, MAJOR MISTAKES

(i) But I knew that moment, notice your poem is in the past tense
(ii) is not close to near
x. was instead of is "past tense"
x. not close---> far
So the sentence becomes: was far from near

4.

The dawn is breaking
I can see the light
There's a time for everything
And I'll wait for ours

Okay soly, now you've confused me, are you writing in the past or the present. There's what you should do:

(i) If you want to write this stanza in the present tense use:
Now the dawn is breaking
And I would advise you to write this stanza as follows:

Now, the dawn is breaking,
and I can see the light.
Knowing there is a time for everything
I shall forever wait for ours.

However, it is your poem, I can read the sentences but I cannot enter neither your mind nor your heart. Hope I helped darling, good job I loved it ^^

Solvalery wrote:I wrote this at 1:00am yesterday... I was like half in limbo and I couldn't sleep so... I don't know... LOL

Lying in the dark
Drowning in my tears
Crying out my heart
All wrapped up in fears

Holding to my pillow
I wish you were here
But I know that moment
is not close to near

The dawn is breaking
I can see the light
There's a time for everything
And I'll wait for ours

Thanks for the "Likes"

Great Job! Keep Writing!!

hello! first of all, i just wanted to say that you are a very creative & i enjoy your writing.
Otherwise, i have also been known to write when i can't sleep. I get good ideas early in the morning I guess.
This poem sounds similar to something that i would write. It seems that we have similar interests, which makes me more interested in this type of poetry. In other words, i like this poem.
I did not find any spelling mistakes (which tend to bug me, so i would know if there were any) so...good job on that.
By the way, i like how you put this one part: drowning in my tears; it explains just how much she is crying.
So, keep up the good work! I'd like to hear more from you soon.
~Morgan3509

I can relate to a lot of your work, keep going check mine out!

AWWWWWWWWW this is so sweet and sad at the same time. Just reading it made me picture a girl crying on her pillow thinking of a boy who she knew she couldnt be with. I like the way it rhymes too, those are always more fun to read(: Great job.

Hi there,
The poem was sad, but brought a upon detail, of the experience you are having, making it a good poem to express your feeling out.

"Lying in the dark
Drowning in my tears
Crying out my heart
All wrapped up in fears"
even the poems not meant to bring imagery, bring out the images we don't want to see. The sorrow said in this quote shows me, a sad experience, but is very well put and said.

I like it. A lot. I feel a personal connection with it, as my significant other just moved to Florida, and I'm still in Kentucky :/ But anyways...

Holding to my pillow
I wish you were here
But I know that moment
is not close to near

This, I definitely understand. It's so real, and if you haven't experienced it, it's easy to imagine. Yearning for someone's company is a unique feeling, and a very deep feeling.

Great work! (:

Hi, Sol. *waves*

Solvalery wrote:I wrote this at 1:00am yesterday... I was like half in limbo and I couldn't sleep so... I don't know... LOL

Lying in the dark
Drowning in my tears
Crying out my heart
All wrapped up in fears

Holding to my pillow this doesn't sound right; it sounds awkward. Change to to onto ot just take to out.
I wish you were here
But I know that moment
is not close to near Again, this line felt awkward. Maybe change it to is very far from near. That would sound better.

The dawn is breaking
I can see the light
There's a time for everything
And I'll wait for ours Nice ending. It's wraps up the poem nicely.
Thanks for the "Likes"

Overall: I liked this poem. I liked how you started the poem and ended it. Your poem flowed well. However, I feel you col add a little more emotion to the poem. make it a more personal experience for the reader. why is the narrartor upset I know it's about a bad realationship? But what kind? A bad freindship or a romantic relationship? Just some things to think about. If you have any questions or concerns, PM Me. Good luck with your poetry~Blue.