Something That I Wrote When I Was Seven

So, I was going through my old documents and I found this lying around. I figured you guys would enjoy it.

EDIT: Please stop trying to actually review this. I only posted it because I thought some people would get a laugh out of it. I know what could (and hopefully will, once I get the inclination to edit), be fixed, honest. I didn't edit this before I posted it, purposely. Okay? Thanks!

LAVA LAND.

A fantasy story


By *** ***
Illustrated by *** ***



CHAPTER 1 Lava Land

A girl named Lindsey was walking down the wet sidewalk and went into an antique store And asked where the bathroom was it’s in the back said the manager pointing thank you said Lindsey while she was washing her hands she noticed a odd looking person

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I cut off in the middle of a sentence and never got back to it, since I had the attention span of a goldfish, but... There you go.

*applauds* I love it. I LOVE IT! *screams* GET THIS PUBLISHED WOMAN!

Irish is right. THIS IS MAGICAL. You're fantastic. :'D

Yeah, it's okay. Fantastic? No, but you've probably got a good story line here, even though it's hard to tell from a few lines. To start with, I just think it should say 'Lindsey', not 'a girl named Lindsey'. I also think maybe you should add some description into it. Here's how I would put it:

Lindsey was walking down the wet sidewalk, shivering from the cold of her wet clothes. She started to feel the need to go to the toilet when she spotted an antique shop not far ahead. Walking in, Lindsey noticed an old man perched at the counter, reading a paper.
"Excuse me, sir," Lindsey said. The man looked up from his paper. "Would you be so kind as to point me in the direction of your bathroom?" The old man eyed her curiously before he jerked his thumb over his shoulder.
"It's in the back." He said. Lindsey thanked him, hurrying into the bathroom. She was just washing her hands when she noticed something odd...

I understand you were seven when you wrote this, and may not have edited it whe you found it, but that's just an idea of how you could put it.
Other than those few comments, you've done a fairly good job with this piece.
Keep writing!
Smashles

A girl named Lindsey was walking down the wet sidewalk and went into an antique store And asked where the bathroom was it’s in the back said the manager pointing thank you said Lindsey while she was washing her hands she noticed a odd looking person

This is the best piece of literature I have EVER read!

O_O Who is this odd looking person? >.> I need to know..

... I don't know what to say. I am speechless. This is a piece of art. A grand, beautiful piece of art.

You leave me asking so many questions. D:

Who is this odd looking person?

Why did she choose the Antique store to pee in?

Did Lindsey use soap to wash her hands?

... Amazing.

What she said ^^

This is so cute! It's sad you didn't continue this, because I would have love to have read more. You write a lot better then I did when I was seven, that's for sure. None of the stories I wrote even bordered on coherency. Do you have any more pieces like this you could dig up?

Anyway, I love this!

Elinor Brynn wrote:You write a lot better then I did when I was seven, that's for sure. None of the stories I wrote even bordered on coherency.

Anyway, I love this!

I didn't even write stories when I was seven... I just drew pictures of cats.

You can't leave us hanging like that!!! WHO'S THE ODD lOOKING PERSON?!?!?!,

That's MY land. You can't use it without my permission. :\

Edit- that person was me, in one of my many forms.

Wow, I didn't expect it to get to be a Featured Work. xD I think I might have some more written on paper somewhere... If I find it I'll copy it into Word without editing and post it, if you guys want.

Yes...YES YOU WONDERFUL WRITER YES! *clings*

I don't know why, but this made me laugh like crazy.

It was sort of like de-ja-vu, because yesterday I remembered something I wrote when I was seven (unfortunately, don't have the document...sigh...it was something about a super-girl who could slap people out of other dimensions, though...but I digress...)

Um...where was I even going with this? I have no idea.

Oh yeah. For some reason, what I found hilarious was not that it's unfinished, or your fishy attention span, but the fact that there was an odd-looking person in it.

I don't knooow...I really need to get some sleep or something.

And I agree, you should try to find more of these. It made my daynightmorning? I'm not sure. Okay. Sorry. I think this is neither a review nor coherent. So I'll shut up now.

Find more!

Hi! I agree with Smashles. This isn't fantastic. But it's okay. I really think this is just like a 7 year old wrote it-- so it makes sense with what you said (lol) *duh*. So, um, I didn't really get the story because it was all mixed up-- since you wrote it as a kid. Make some edits and I think it will be great! Keep Writing!
Nike