Anyway, hope you enjoy it.
Ding, dong.
Hello?
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What’s that?
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Is this Lydia’s residence? Yes. Yes it is, why?
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You wanted to talk about my insurance?
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Oh, ok, come on in.
This way. Have a seat. Would you like some tea?
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You don’t know what tea is? Are you being serious? Like coffee? Tea? A drink? No? Ok fine, come with me, I’ll show you. This way, though the door, yes right here we are.
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What is this place? This is the kitchen! Don’t tell me you’ve never been in a kitchen before!
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You haven’t? Oh my...
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Stop screaming! What’s the matter?
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You thought you saw a ghost?
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What!? That’s my fridge!
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What’s a fridge? Well a fridge is a thing that keeps things cold! But surely you must have known that.
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No? Anyway, that doesn’t matter. What were we doing?
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Oh yes, making a cup of tea. Ok, can you get me two mugs out of that cupboard there please? Right then, oh we’re out of teabags. I’ll just go and get some teabags, you fill the kettle.
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What! What are you doing?! For a start they’re saucepans, not mugs. Here, these are mugs! And why are you peeing in my kettle!? When I said ‘fill’ the kettle, I meant with water! Give that to me, we’ll need to sterilize this and everything now!
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You’re sorry? Well it’s a bit late for that now, but apology accepted. Right I think I’ll throw this out. I have new kettle it’s just there in the box could you get it out please?
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Thanks, ok, now then, fill it with water this time. Good, right, put it on to boil.
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Where, well you put it on that stand and then you press that switch.
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Yes like that. Ok now while that’s boiling we’ll need to put a teabag in the mugs. I’ll do that. Could you get me some sugar.
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Oh, you don’t take sugar? Oh ok. Well I do, could you get it for me please.
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Thanks. Now can you put two teaspoons in my mug while I get the milk.
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What was that? The label doesn’t say sugar? Of course it does! Pass it here.
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Cocaine!? What is cocaine doing in my cupboard!?
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You don’t know?! Don’t give me that! I know you put it there! You’re trying to get me framed for drug dealing aren’t you?! Pretending to be all thick so you could plant that there!
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You don’t even know what cocaine is?
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You didn’t put that there? You saw my son putting it in the cupboard?
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My son does not do drugs!
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Yes he does? How do you know?
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You have been observing from above?
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Yes?
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Can we make the cup of tea now? Hell, we can make the cup of tea! I need to relax. Where was I?
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Milk? That’s right. Ok, you pour the water in, don’t burn yourself.
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What about sugar? Oh, I’ll do without thanks. Here’s the milk. Have you poured that water in?
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Good. But you’ve got it all over the place. Get the mop please.
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What’s a mop? Oh never mind. Look, I don’t know who you are. You haven’t mentioned insurance since you walked through the door and frankly I think you are weird. I want you to leave.
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Shan’t? Did you just say shan’t to me?
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Don’t use that tone with me. Look I want you out. I don’t care how I have to get you out I’ll force you out if I have too. I’ll...
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I don’t have to force you out?
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You’ll go quietly? Good, well this way to the front door.
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Yes, goodbye. I won’t be seeing you.
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Goodbye. Weirdo
*likes*
