If Roses Grew Where Petals Fall

This is a poem I wrote for my Grandmother after she passed away and it was read at her funeral. I hope that by sharing this poem, you will all understand what a wonderful person she was. Feel free to leave any comments or criticism you may have, and thank you for reading

If Roses Grew Where Petals Fall

If roses grew where petals fall
Atop the fertile ground,
We’d clear our throats and stand up tall,
And walk, the world around.

Waters roll over distant seas
And carry a surprise,
So we set out and find with ease
A world that’s through your eyes.

The blue jays sing and hop about,
And all the faces smile.
And then we find without a doubt,
We’d like to stay awhile.

Roses do grow where petals fall,
Because it’s clear to see,
Just as is true for one and all,
Your love has stayed with me.

This is a lovely poem. I like the rhyme scheme. Your grandmother must have been an amazing woman because this poem is truly inspirational.It is both happy and sad simultaneously. Happy because you know that your grandmother is still close and you love her very much, but sad because the nature of it concerns the death of a loved one. By the way, you seem like you are a good poet. I encourage you to write more poetry so the world can see your talent. Let's see. I didn't find anything wrong with it. I don't know if you like to write poetry as a hobby or if you do it only when you're sad (I hope it's the former!) but whatever the case, keep up the good work. May God bless you and your family.

Gah! I love this poem! The nature, the roses, the fantastical imagery, the grand scale scope of everything... in a sense, it's truly epic. And it doesn't hurt that my grandma who passed away was named Rose. But yeah... the rhyming was easy, the poetry was lovely, and it was very grand.

So yup. I love this!

Valteria - Although I tend to write my best poetry when I am sad, I do consider it a hobby of mine that I've fallen out of touch with. I used to write like crazy and I'd really like to get back into it. And thank you so much for your comments, it is a bittersweet memory when I think about this poem, because although I wrote it because I lost her, she means so much to me and I wanted to try and capture her wonderful nature - however impossible that may be.

Snoink - It means a lot to me that you enjoyed my poem This is one of my favorites, or possibly my favorite...and not because I think it's good, but because it holds so much meaning for me.

I look forward to reading both of your works when I have more time! Thank you so much!

Hello, Mercyemptyinme! I thought your poem was constructed very well; it has a wonderful vibe to it. It is immensely imbued in emotion and imagery. You are a very good writer, and most importantly you’re not pretentious. A lot of people just try to impress when they write, but you are very sincere.

This poem is very good and really checks in with me personally because I have recently lost my wonderful grandmother. I love all the visual descriptions and the sincerity of it all. You can tell this came from your heart. I love it. I hope this helped and I hope you keep writing.

ashlyn

I really love this poem!! I loved it at the funeral and I still love it now! Gram was such an extraordinary person that's for sure. You emphasized this in your poem and that's why I love it so much. Nice job! Keep up the good work.

Hello there!

*gives two thumbs up*

I saw this in the Staff pick section and decided to have a look on this. I say, I'm really impressed and this is really interesting and part inspirational too. It's a good thing how you express your love for your grandmother through writing this lovely poem of yours. Your imagination are really good and I think there's a message behind this piece. I also like how you start the poem with a good line, and that's what motivated me to read this until the very last word.
*likes*

Keep up the good work!

Peace out!

~yuri

I'm always hesitant to comment on personal poems since they hold so much meaning that is beyond the poem for the writer. However, I was thinking about this just before but I had to ask myself: since when is a poem not personal? Most of what I write is based on something I experienced, anyway, so now I feel much better about commenting here.

I think you and I both know that the title is what hooks people in, and the repetition of that line. I wonder, however, whether you wrote the line first and figured out the meaning of it afterwards, or whether you actively searched in your mind for words to that effect because that's what you wanted to say in the first place. I suspect the former. Usually, I would disapprove - I don't believe in fancy statements just for the fun of it. They've got to mean something. And whether or not it was your intention for them to have a meaning, they had one regardless. Otherwise, this poem might have collapsed entirely.

What I liked about that line was it's cleverness but also its subtlety. It's not so clever that it makes us stop reading the poem entirely and think about what it actually means. It's subtle enough for the flow to remain uninterrupted. However, it's not so subtle that we don't notice it entirely - we do notice it, and we know we've got to come back to it to chew it over. That's a great skill - subtly prodding the reader to reread the poem. It shows a fine balance has been achieved.

Other than that, I should mention that I'm not a fan of rhyming poetry. At all. Rarely do I see it done well - too often, the rhymes confine the content. I think this poem suffered from this boxing in of ideas to some extent - some lines were chosen just for the sake of sticking that last word in there and forcing it to rhyme - but somehow you lifted it up out of its mediocrity into something a little more unique. Something that we can remember.

So, thanks for the read.

Sometimes I forget to sacrifice imagery to emotion. Something you've done here, even if it wasn't your intent. The emotion is raw, unbarred by a dozen images. Even though you haven't communicated it very well, obstructing the flow of thoughts with your rhyme for example, this is a poem I can appreciate.

Kamas

That was a beautiful poem and I think it makes us feel better about a loved one who's died. Continue writing because it's beautiful. That's all, thanks.

-iheartbooks♥
and this poem

its really good but what i found unecessary was that after every 4th line you changed the direction of the poem. it kind of gave it a disfigured appearance. it would've been better if you were more fluent... and please dont feel insulted, i understand that you had profound emotions while writing it

Well, usually I don't like poems with this rhyme scheme just because it's so overdone, but it really was a pretty poem. At first I hadn't read that it was for your grandmother, but then when I saw that it added a whole new level to your poetry somehow by making it more personal and sweet. Anyway, this is a really nice poem with lots of subtle feelings and even though I'm not a fan of strict rhyme schemes like this, it's a really pleasant poem.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my poem, it means a lot. Ok, here goes a long one:

Yuriiko: Thank you so much for your comment, I am extremely humbled and beyond excited that my poem became a staff pick. It was not at all what I expected when I decided to put it up on YMS. When I was writing this poem, I couldn’t get the title line out of my head, and I was very fond of it, so I’m glad that others liked it as well 

Navita: It’s interesting that you ask me about the title/first line of the poem, because I almost never start with the first line of a poem when I’m writing it; I usually start with some random line in the middle of the poem and build off that, but with this, I was trying to find words that might effectively describe my grandmother, and after a little while that line flowed out and I loved it. No matter how many times I had trouble with the next line of the poem, I couldn’t get the first one out of my head so I knew I couldn’t change it.

As for the rhyming, I can understand where you’re coming from. When I was younger, I used to only write poetry that rhymed, but over the years I’ve broken away from that a little and I don’t always write them that way. It is true that rhymes can box you into saying certain things, and that can be detrimental when every single word in a poem should mean something, but for me, I approach that problem a little differently. Usually I can use the words I want to use anyway, and if I have to put something in that sounds cheesy to me or goes somewhere I didn’t want it to, I stop writing that way. Even so, I do think some of my best poems are those without a rhyme scheme (or such a strict one at least). Thanks for commenting and the suggestions 

Kamas: Thanks for your comment. I think most of us write the best poems when we are feeling a strong emotion and allow that to direct our pens  I will try more poetry without rhyming and see where it takes me.

Iheartbooks: Thank you so much for reading my poem. I can’t believe people actually like it. I usually don’t show anyone what I write.

DustVoltay: I’m not insulted by what you wrote and I definitely appreciate the constructive criticism. I hadn’t thought of my poem in that way, but I’ll try looking out for that in the next one that I write. Thanks 

StoryWeaver13: Thank you for your comment  I wanted people to know why I wrote this poem, because I didn’t think people would like it unless they knew where it came from. But I do hope it can stand on its own two feet as well. Thanks again for reading!

Aww! I really enjoyed reading your poem. It paints such a nice, vivid picture. Your grandmother must have been so wonderful--I'm sorry she passed away. (At first I read the poem without reading your notes at the top because I tend to skip important things like that, and I thought it was from lover to lover. Then I read your note... and went "Ahhh.... I get it now. That's so sweet." Ahem. Note to self: read important notes first.)