Zombies in the Black

To be lost, cliche or not,
was truly how it felt,
with a growing darkness
merging to black; alone
surrounded by faceless
cadavers drinking, retching
dancing in sardonic joy.

They pulled along in this
macabre dance, offering
booze in guise of nectar,
words laced with arsenic,
while cynanide emanated
from their breath.

It was through the deafening dark
and the techno vibes a burning lifeline,
offered, taunting, tricking. Surely another
illusion from that deceptive bitch, Elizabeth.

Stranger kisses from the air, deep tunnels
within my stare. Lying conversation, filled
a plight. A lie a illusion, to trip and snare.

Grabbing the candle, grabbing the light,
I screamed out to Banshee, 'I've had enough'
tearing down pictures, destroying the will,
freeing myself from Medusa embrace,
and avoiding the icy stare.

As the walk grew the specters danced, cadavers moaned,
fondling the flesh, grabbing and trying to hook me in
hook line sinker, never again.

Neutrality through the night, I ripped off
cadavers masks, and danced with them,
watching the Banshee shriek and scream.

Lost in the party, I forgot, the candle flame
my freedom song, waxing away in all the
hilarity. The orgies of laughter I felt,
was oxide to the flame.

Up from the bounds,
through the smoke of
the slaughter house,
the cadavers dance,
while I'm alone.

My timer burning true,
but waning now, the
parties, the pubs,
the freedom they
bring is of no such
thing.

The banshee return smile
on her Black widow lips,
wearing the tortures
and wearing the pain
as a vampire drains
her dry.

It's with this I swim through
the smoke and down the
way, hoping to return,
hoping to find sanity.

It hits like a bullet to my eyes,
a shocking light of a strange kind,
the cadavers shed and stand as
human beings encased in stone.

Fleeing the darkness, and enter
the incandence of that memory,
music enters the tomb as the
statues slowly resume.

Humans stand free from the
curse, swinging to the vibe
of rescue.

A stranger walks out from the glare,
throwing the candle, and filling
the air.

Melodies of joy fill
the room as the dancers
scream encore!

Now she turns to me,
a passion kiss and to the
door, finally of knowledge
that it's the freedom score.

A trace of cheeks,
with finger and thumb,
a gentle smile that helps
me succumb.

No words said,
entranced gaze

Even Knights needs to be saved,
she whispers to the breeze, her
striking gaze, her very own blade.

LastPaladin wrote:To be lost, cliche or not,
was truly how it felt,
with a growing darkness
merging to black; alone LOVE THIS

Stranger kisses from the air, deep tunnels
within my stare. Lying conversation, filled
a plight. A lie a illusion, to trip and snare.love this as well, it catches the essence of the darkness behind lying

Grabbing the candle, grabbing the light,
I screamed out to Banshee, 'I've had enough'
tearing down pictures, destroying the will,
freeing myself from Medusa embrace,
and avoiding the icy stare. Standing up for yourself, breaking free of darknesses embrace and avoiding those who pull you into darkness

As the walk grew the specters danced, cadavers moaned,
fondling the flesh, grabbing and trying to hook me in
hook line sinker, never again. this goes along with the avoidence of those who pull you back into darkness

It's with this I swim through
the smoke and down the
way, hoping to return,
hoping to find sanity.pushing the darkness away is a sign of sanity, the first steps on the road to recovery

A stranger walks out from the glare,
throwing the candle, and filling
the air. even in a sea of darkness the smallest candle will illuminate

Even Knights needs to be saved,
she whispers to the breeze, her
striking gaze, her very own blade.No one can be the hero all the time, sometimes you must let others save you

All in all i really enjoyed this, now that i know what those big words mean this was deep, pulling back the layers and exposing the lies hidden beneath. Breaking free of the darkness and rejoicing in the light.

WritingWords here, with your super-fast review!

Like: Green
Errors: Red
Suggestions: Blue

LastPaladin wrote:To be lost, cliche or not,
was truly how it felt,
with a growing darkness
merging to black; alone
surrounded by faceless
cadavers drinking, retching,
dancing in sardonic joy.

They pulled along in this
macabre dance, offering
booze in 'guise of nectar,
words laced with arsenic,
while cynanide emanated
from their breath.

It was through the deafening dark
and the techno vibes a burning lifeline,
offered, taunting, tricking. Surely another
illusion from that deceptive bitch, Elizabeth.

Stranger kisses from the air, deep tunnels
within my stare. Lying conversation, filled
a plight. A lie, a illusion, to trip and snare.

Grabbing the candle, grabbing the light,
I screamed out to Banshee, 'I've had enough'
tearing down pictures, destroying the will,
freeing myself from Medusa embrace,
and avoiding the icy stare.

As the walk grew the specters danced, cadavers moaned,
fondling the flesh, grabbing and trying to hook me in
hook line sinker, never again.

Neutrality through the night, I ripped off
cadavers' masks, and danced with them,
watching the Banshee shriek and scream.

Lost in the party, I forgot, the candle flame
my freedom song, waxing away in all the
hilarity. The orgies of laughter I felt,
was oxide to the flame.

Up from the bounds,
through the smoke of
the slaughter house,
the cadavers dance,
while I'm alone.

My timer burning true,
but waning now, the
parties, the pubs,
the freedom they
bring is of no such
thing.

The banshee return smile
on her Black widow lips,
wearing the tortures
and wearing the pain
as a vampire drains
her dry.

It's with this I swim through
the smoke and down the
way, hoping to return,
hoping to find sanity.

It hits like a bullet to my eyes,
a shocking light of a strange kind,
the cadavers shed and stand as
human beings encased in stone.

Fleeing the darkness, and enter
the incandence of that memory,
music enters the tomb as the
statues slowly resume.

Humans stand free from the
curse, swinging to the vibe
of rescue.

A stranger walks out from the glare,
throwing the candle, and filling
the air.

Melodies of joy fill
the room as the dancers
scream encore!
Now she turns to me,
a passion kiss and to the
door, finally of knowledge
that it's the freedom score.

A trace of cheeks,
with finger and thumb,Who traces cheeks with finger and thumb?a gentle smile that helps
me succumb.

No words said,
entranced gaze

Even Knights needs to be saved,
she whispers to the breeze, her
striking gaze, her very own blade.

Very nice and descriptive. I LOVED the vocabulary you used. Haha, came across a few interesting words I didn't know. I think you used the word "vibe" two times in different ways. Hmm...maybe grab a thesaurus and search up a synonym? Also, is this girl Elizabeth? Who is Elizabeth anyways? I might be a little clueless here.
What's the whole idea of this poem here? I think you need to come back to the original idea at the beginning. It's like the Knight encounters a beauty and forgets everything. Not a good way to restate the main idea. Revise?

PM me with any questions or visit my Will Review For Food topic!

The imagery of the cadavers, the orgies, the techno... I loved how you basically used all these senses to your advantage and really made it nightmarish! Very nice! Plus, it was very tight description. We love tight description!

My main thing against this poem (that you can probably work on) is the sudden appearance of the woman seems... well... sudden! Who is she? I would like the same sort of description used for her as Elizabeth, if that makes sense. She is just as important, no? Also... I'm not really a fan of the last stanza, but that's because of the lack of characterization for the woman. So just tweak that.

Nice poem!

Hi

While this is a long poem, it's hardly long enough to put an avid reader off especially as this poem is both brilliant and intriguing. The concise descriptions prevent the attention from wavering and that is what makes a good poem great. Good use of metaphor and I don't find the enjambed bits too
start and
stop
which you can get with some poems. There is a sense of a story, but it arrives late after a bit of angst. I like the start of the poem, but I find that the first two stanzas and the rest of the poem seem a bit like two different poems in the way that they relate to the reader. But I do find that the poem as a whole works well. The last few stanzas a short...and iI know that post-modernist writing is allowed a bit of non-conforming...but I'd be happier if they were longer. However, short and punchy, they work well enough.

Anyhoo, a great poem and I enjoyed reading it. I hope that this Elizabeth is out of your life

-TJ-

That was certainly something worth while reading. I felt like I was actually watching a scene of a movie, sorry if that was not in your intentions. The imagery I could see take place in my mind and it was very captivating. I loved it, especially the "hook line sinker, never again," probably just because that phrase is one of my favorites.
It was like the whole thing was building up and up upon itself and I found it very very enticing. I loved the way everything seemed to just hook and flow together, nothing seemed out of place. And although the ending was unsuspecting I did enjoy it. The ending just kind of made everything make sense to me for some reason. I felt the purpose of the poem of within the ending, but not only that, throughout the poem as well.
But you made the ending wrap everything up and just stuck a bow on it and it was good. Really... I can't find anything back to say about it. Wonderful vocabulary, imagery... bravo~~~