The Awesome Project

**Awesome idea! I love the idea of actually focusing on grammar and the actual writing instead of adding in random, junk posts!**

Name: Elijah "Eli" Edwards
Species: Human
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Starting Location: On a rather large ship near Haven, and on his way to see Marlon.
Appearance: Your typical human male. He's a little above average height, standing at 6'1" and he's very thin. In fact, he really isn't muscular at all. He's got light brown hair, cropped short, that looks like it's streaked with dark blonde in the sun. Hazel eyes.
Personality: He's very wealthy, or his parents are, so it's affected him in a negative way. He's snooty, vain, conceited, and he's got the stereotypical rich boy attitude. However, he's very charismatic and outgoing. He's not afraid of anything because he's hides behind his mothers power. He pretty much believes he's invincible because of that. Very pompous but a good person.
Skills: He's a man of power. He is very charismatic and can led a crowd because people fear and respect him.
Flaws: He's got that snooty, rich boy attitude. If he meets the wrong person that will not help him. He's not trained to fight, he's loud and not at all sneaky, he's judgemental (believing he's above others) and he's rude.
History: He's the son of a very popular (and highly respected/powerful) Healer. His mother is very wealthy because of it. Therefore, her son, Eli, has inherited her respect and power although he's shown no sign of magical power thus far.

He's just a spoiled, pompous rich boy. He hardly ever sees his father because he travels constantly. His father is also wealthy and powerful. He leads merchants who sell magic. Which is where Eli got is leadership/charisma from. His father demands respect and for those to obey him without another thought. And he gets it most of the time.

So Eli lives in the shadow of his parents wealth and power. He is merely just another boy. The only thing is he's a very good leader. Like I said, he inherited his parents power and his fathers charisma. He is also protected by their power, money and respect. Which is good because his rudeness and downright disrespect for the "commoners" has earned him many enemies but they're too afraid to attack him with his mother and father so well respected and such.

Known Associates:

-Asele She repaired his fathers ship. She attempted polite conversation with him and, shocked and slightly disgusted that a "commoner" was talking to him, ignored her. He even laughed at her when she made mistakes.
-Brother Gredon He has talked to him a few times. He's one of the few people that Eli respects and can stand to speak with. However, he doesn't seem to like Eli much.
-Noah He doesn't know that he murdered his grandfather. However, Eli's father does know. So while his parents hate Noah, Eli has inherited the grudge against this man just because it seems to run in the family.
-Marlon While he's never met him before, he is one his way to meet him. His father believes that Eli needs to become a real man.[user][/user]

Jok, I need you to fix your profile. There are several typos, misused words, and unclear sentences. A good way of spotting these errors is using a word processor to run a spelling and grammar check (to get the glaringly obvious typos) and then to read the post slowly and carefully.

This would have prevented errors like these:

Jack though him and his organisation for three years. He banded with heroes villains a like to bring The Hunters down."

I really want to emphasize this point for everyone: if a post is infected with spelling and grammatical errors, so that it becomes incoherent, then that post can be declared incomprehensible and other writers will be free to right over it, as if it was never posted in the first place. Another thing to keep in mind is that any author can do this, at any time. Not just me, but anyone.

This rule is in effect because I'm a humanitarian. Instead of forcing the authors to slog through a terribly written post, I'm giving them the option to ignore it outright and thus save themselves a lot of pain and suffering. If they can't stand it, then neither will the readers.

At this point, the story hasn't started, so we're going to give authors the chance to go back and correct their profiles. We won't have time to wait for an author to come on and edit their confusing post once the story begins, ignoring it is the best way to keep the story moving.

If anyone thinks that this is an unreasonable policy and that spelling, grammar, and general coherence aren't suitable grounds for ignoring a post, then you should leave this storybook. I want to write with people that care about their writing. Otherwise, the storybook becomes a pain instead of a pleasure to write.

@kidashka: Marlon moved there after quitting. The people of Haven only know what they see. They saw him enter town with a wagon loaded with chests, then they saw him spending large sums of money. His posture is a little too straight, his manners are polite, but they're not exactly happy, and he entered town with a sword in a scabbard, but hasn't been seen with it on since.

From this the townsfolk have deduced that he was a warrior, that he was a good one, and that he's settled now (which to them is the only respectable way to live, think hobbits.) So in a sense people know that he was a powerful warrior. Everything else is rumor: some think he was a mercenary; others think he might have been a highway robber. Some even think he was in the Army, (which is actually true). They are not aware of his particular deeds, conquests, or adventures; and Marlon wants to keep it that way. If they were to know, they'd either worship him or fear him, and he doesn't want either of these things to happen.

ScarlettFire wrote:Here's my profile. I may be editing it. And could the fox be her companion?

I'm sorry! Someone already asked! Firearris will be posting the profile later.

RazHuni wrote:

ScarlettFire wrote:Here's my profile. I may be editing it. And could the fox be her companion?

I'm sorry! Someone already asked! Firearris will be posting the profile later.

That's okay. Oh, and it might be interesting if the fox and my character have met before?

I want to join! Gie me a minute to think of my profile please

ScarlettFire wrote:

RazHuni wrote:

ScarlettFire wrote:Here's my profile. I may be editing it. And could the fox be her companion?

I'm sorry! Someone already asked! Firearris will be posting the profile later.

That's okay. Oh, and it might be interesting if the fox and my character have met before?

It would be. Like if you were unwillingly with the person who tried to make a fur coat out of me and I misjudged you? That man could have been your dad...that would be interesting. He could have tried to use magic and that's why I was taken by surprise. Message me if you have more ideas or details to add, because this is getting kind of long, haha.

I WANT TO JOIN!!!

Name: Brother Gredon

Age: Looks about 40

Species:Human

Gender: Male

Occupation: Bethisdan Monk

Starting Location: On the road to Haven, about a mile or two out

Appearance: Gredon is 6' 7", a rather tall figure. He has a good amount of muscle on him though it is hard to tell because of the large robes he wears. He is always dressed in the brown scratchy robes of his order. He is bald as most Bethisdan Monk's cut off all of their hair, preferring to be bald as a sign of openness and devotion to their god. He has a quick smile, with bright green eyes and sandy blond hair that comes down right beyond his ear. His ear lobes each have large plugs in them, about an inch long and across, so his ear lobes are enlarged. A small rosary is tied around his waist, and its soft jingle can be heard by those close by.

Equipment: He carries a large oaken staff that is nearly as large as himself, and it has runes of strength, lightness, and hardness on it. The staff is essentially lighter and tougher because of the Runes, and is like the ones that all Bethisdan Monk's carry. His staff usually has a small container of incense swinging from it, as a sign of his prayers and devotion to his god, though it can be used as a weapon for protection in times of trouble.

Personality: Gredon is a soft hearted giant. He cares deeply for all living creatures, animals, humans, and plants. He is deeply compassionate, and cares the most for the weak, poor, and down trodden. He is quick to laugh, and is very much bothered by violence, sex, and anything that goes against his religion. He won't berate someone for doing these things, but it is obvious they bother him. He often struggles to keeps his emotions together, trying to hold true to his vows.

Skills; Gredon is quite skilled with his staff, and uses it as a capable warrior, he is very strong, and often people misjudge him because of his robes which hide most of him. Since he is a monk he can offer up prayers of blessing, forgiveness, and thankfulness for the people around him, which he often does. He has a beautiful voice, and often will be heard singing a hymn to Bethisdan. He posses no knowledge of healing magic, but can bind a wound, and knows the prayers and herbs to calm a fever and help other minor wounds.

Flaws: Brother Gredon is a monk, and therefore has taken many vows that restrict him from doing certain things. He never attacks or kills, and simply uses his weapon for defensive purposes. He will use his staff to protect those around him, but never will he initiate a fight. He will never drink, and is claimed to abstinence. He also has strong views about right and wrong, and therefore sees things in black and white. There is no in-between. Such views anger many people, and many don't hesitate to say so. He is constantly battling inside himself, fighting the urge to keep to his vows, or to simply take the fight to those who he sees as evil. He is probably one of the worst people when it comes to sneaking and blending in, he isn't very quiet, though he tries, and he stands out like a sore thumb. He won't fight children, and has a weakness for them, to the point of protecting them, ignoring all injury to himself.

History: Gredon is a monk of the order of Bethisdan. A wide spread religion that covers many lands. He is one of the few traveling brothers, given the task of walking from village to village, in order to preach to the people, pray and bless them.

Born on the streets, he wasn't raised by anyone, and instead lived the life of a street urchin. Surviving day to day, and merely hoping he would get to eat everyday. He used to think of his large size as a curse, something that made him clumsy and horrible at pickpocketing or trying to steal. But as the years went on it became a blessing. As he grew, so did people's fear of him, and when he was only fourteen he enlisted in the King's army.

He was a dog of war for the next 18 years. He traveled with the King's army, going where needed, and nearly dying dozens of times. He saw horrific sights, and did things that he knew would haunt him till the grave. As he rose up in ranks he eventually became a captain of one of the King's Thunder Knights. A group of powerful men, who were called in to break through enemy ranks, or merely plow through their foes. Subtly was not their gift, or Gredon's.

On one of his last missions he was ordered to go and slaughter an enemy leader who was hiding with his family in the wood. His orders were clear, leave no one alive, no man, woman, or child. They had a small cottage in the woods and once he found it he broke it and slaughtered the man who was still in bed with his wife. They had four kids, and Gredon killed each one. The last was a baby, who lay in it's crib, crying and screaming as Gredon smashed the child's head in with the butt of his axe. He was never the same.

He remembers little of that day. The metallic tang of blood still fills his noise at times, and sometimes he can feel the warm life giving liquid flow through his hands as he pummels the wife, bashing her face till it is a bloody pulp. Gredon claims it was his darkest hour, and shortly after he left the arm.

Not long afterward he joined the Brotherhood. Giving his life to the god, to peace and protection. Vowing to never take another human life expect when defending another. He has many old connections in the military still, even though he left that life behind long ago.

He is now approaching Haven on his yearly journey through the town.

Known Associates:

Asele: In his travels to and from the town of Haven, Brother Gredon has become familiar with the shipwright girl. Though not close, they once talked long into the night about the dream's Asele had, and Gredon considers her a very considerate person

Cressida: Gredon traveled with her a bit in the past. Though he doesn't know a lot about her, he respected her gifts as a healer

Marlon: Gredon met Marlon before when he was in the King's Army. He is familiar with the man, though he doesn't think to highly of him. He would rather avoid Marlon, as he seeks to leave all parts of his old life and connections behind him

Eli: Gredon as dealt with the boy a couple of times, and finds him... distasteful. His snotty attitude, and his belief that money will solve all of his problems goes against most, if not all of what Gredon believes.

*Hope this works

Characters are limited to weak magic objects, no casting.

That sounds like a no to me, but then your character doesn't have very strong magic... *shrug*

I am cool if it is a no. It's not very strong, and is very limited, and not something I would have him use a lot. But whatever is decided I am good with

I'm going to say no to rune magic. If he wants to pray, he can. I'll allow one major miracle, that's it.

There are other aspects I want to address, but don't have time to. So, I'd like to invite other authors to comment on this profile, as well as any other profile which they think can be refined. Hopefully they can cover what I can't.

Okay no prob I will remove them, and I will keep his staff as his one magical item thing. Also what else did you want to comment on?

Would I be able to join. I'll be posting a profile later (depending if I am allowed).

Apple, go ahead and post a profile, we'll start on Monday.

Species:Elf/Human half-breed (Is that okay? Or do we all need to be human?

He was brought into the order at a young age, his mother, a human noble was ashamed of her half breed son and gave him to the monks so that they would raise them.

Usually, half breed characters are used to represent outcasts in a racial society. They are accepted by neither group and thus make great underdog characters. However, if his mother gave him up because he was a half breed, this would indicate that we are operating under a racial society, in which case it would become much harder to have characters operate with one another. On the other hand, if it isn't a problem, then why would he be given up in the first place? I think the writers want to write for a non-racial society, it's easier to do.

On the other hand, authors like half breeds because they can bestow the best of both races with none of the detriments. The way I see it, this character is inherently human, so why the extra window dressing?

Appearance: Gredon is 6' 7", a rather tall figure. He has a good amount of muscle on him though it is hard to tell because of the large robes he wears. He is always dressed in the brown scratchy robes of his order. Most Bethisdan Monk's cut off all of their hair, preferring to be bald as a sign of openness and devotion to their god. Gredon is one of the few who have abstained from that practice, mostly because the hair hides his slightly pointed ears, a sign of his elf heritage. He has a quick smile, with bright green eyes and sandy blonde hair that comes down right beyond his ear. His ear lobes each have large plugs in them, about an inch long and across, so his ear lobes are enlarged. A small rosary is tied around his waist, and its soft jingle can be heard by those close by.

Again, non-racial society makes the ears nothing to be ashamed of, therefore there's no reason why they can't shave him down, thus bringing him closer to God. Is there a particular reason why he is so strong? Walking is good exercise, but the lifestyle of a monk isn't physically stressful (unless you're a Shaolin Monk.)

Personality: Gredon is a soft hearted giant. He cares deeply for all living creatures, animals, humans, and plants. He is deeply compassionate, and cares the most for the weak, poor, and down trodden. He is quick to laugh, and is very much bothered by violence, sex, and anything that goes against his religion. He won't berate someone for doing these things, but it is obvious they bother him. He often struggles to keeps his emotions together, trying to hold true to his vows.

I believe that monks deal with their inner conflict (emotions and whatnot) through prayer and meditation. Making peace with yourself and your maker is a big part of religion. I expect that Gredon will be doing a lot of praying. He'll pray in the morning to thank God, he'll pray for the lost souls he sees (even though he doesn't give them a fire and brimstone treatment doesn't mean he thinks well of them.) Prayer is their occupation really.

Skills; Gredon is quite skilled with his staff, and uses it as a capable warrior, he is very strong, and often people misjudge him because of his robes which hide most of him. Since he is a monk he can offer up prayers of blessing, forgiveness, and thankfulness for the people around him, which he often does. He has a beautiful voice, and often will be heard singing a hymn to Bethisdan. He posses no knowledge of healing magic, but can bind a wound, and knows the prayers and herbs to calm a fever and help other minor wounds.

Good to know you're doing the prayer thing. His combat background might be better explained though, see the note on history.

Flaws: Brother Gredon is a monk, and therefore has taken many vows that restrict him from doing certain things. He never attacks or kills, and simply uses his weapon for defensive purposes. He will use his staff to protect those around him, but never will he initiate a fight. He will never drink, and is claimed to abstinence. He also has strong views about right and wrong, and therefore sees things in black and white. There is no in-between. Such views anger many people, and many don't hesitate to say so. He is constantly battling inside himself, fighting the urge to keep to his vows, or to simply take the fight to those who he sees as evil.

I'm looking for the flaws here. Chastity and refraining from drinking seem to fall under the category of virtues. Indeed, women and wine are big weaknesses, which he won't have. His rules of engagement are really weaknesses either; Jedi have the same rules of engagement and that doesn't hold them back one bit. He has inner conflict, but unless this manifests itself into something, it won't matter.

His morals are all well and good, but people tend to jettison morals under critical circumstances; which means that flaws based on morality are inherently weak. Start over with the flaws.

History: Gredon is a monk of the order of Bethisdan. A wide spread religion that covers many lands. He is one of the few traveling brothers, given the task of walking from village to village, in order to preach to the people, pray and bless them.

He was brought into the order at a young age, his mother, a human noble was ashamed of her half breed son and gave him to the monks so that they would raise them. The Brothers of Bethisdan raised the young boy, taught him their prayers, their ways, and their views. In time he became a traveling brother, scouring the kingdom, walking from town to town to help, love, and tend to the people the best he can.

Gredon has broken his vows once. Upon arriving at a cottage in the woods one day he came upon a group of bandits who had slaughtered a small family. As there was nothing more he could do, Gredon should have turned and left. He didn't. Never had he felt so angry, and with a roar he took his staff and killed the bandits, slaughtering them without a thought.

He remembers little of it. The metallic tang of blood still fills his noise at times, and sometimes he can feel the warm life giving liquid flow through his hands as he pummels one one of the bandits, bashing the man's head in. Gredon claims it was his darkest hour, and he nearly left his faith. Yet he didn't, and soon found forgiveness. Now he holds to his beliefs and vows stronger then ever, realizing that by him his giving in to anger and attacking it did little but shed more life,

He is now approaching Haven on his yearly journey through the town.

Usually when we deal with history, we can see a logical progression, a growth from one area to another. This history seems to lack that continuity. As it stands now, his life experiences include being raised by monks, joining the order, going berserk once and killing bandits, then back to being a monk.

What if instead of being a monk for his entire life, he took his vows later on. I see him as an ex-soldier, who dedicated his life to peace and penitence after committing some heinous act. This explains his strength and familiarity with the staff, as well as familiarity with first aid. It also gives him a lot more sins to repent for and a lot less of a reason to condemn other sinners. That broader base of experience can come in handy.

This would make it easier for Marlon to relate to your character and give you an in.

Is my history detailed enough? I've just realised everyone else's is a few paragraphs long.
I might edit my profile later to include some other characters aswell.