BAM! (FUNNY SB!)

Sonja Jones/Ms. Natasha Draven:

I nodded absently and looked past the small crowd of women to spot the other man. 008, was he? I slipped away from Bond and left the group.

He looked surprised to find me leaving Bond's little circle.

"Hey," I said as I stopped beside him and turned to watch the women practically throwing themselves at the guy playing Bond. I shook my head, amused.

After several minutes my amusment wore off and I started to become annoyed, and even worse-angry.

"This is boring!" I yelled. The small group in front of me fell silent and stared at me. The director didn't reply. "Bugger," I muttered.

A girl came up to me. She wasn't throwing herself all over Bond. Instead, she seemed amused at all the fuss.
I said,"Hi. what's your name?"

Jessi Blane/Jimmy, Lord of the Cracked Cornless

Jess stood in hidden in the woods near where everyone else gathered. Agent 007 was surrounded by women, as per his usual. At least, that's what Jessi gathered from her Bond movie marathon only 72 hours ago. Agent 008 was also present, but he only had one woman with him.

"Sad," Jess mumbled. "Perhaps I can do something to adjust the situation."

She adjusted the thin black mask over her eyes, tightening the knot behind her head. After a few minutes of waiting she sprinted towards the group.

"Hello ladies," she said, saluting the confused gaggle of women. She grabbed 007 by the arm and pulled him into the woods. "Goodbye ladies!" she called behind her. "And hello Mister 007."

Oliver Bane/Global Chameleon of tactical espionage

Oliver watched the woman escort the Legendary 007 away. He furrowed his brow. Something wasn't right with the situation. As passer Byers walked passed he flipped a page in the paper back Harry Potter book in his hands. Who had known that J.K. Rowling would sell the rights to the series to Stephen King? And who knew Stephan King could write a novel appropriate for all ages?

One minute later he closed the book and slid it into his coats breast pocket. He hunched bis shoulders and casually walked in the direction that the woman had escorted James.

Hey, is it too late for me to join?

Odette Mitchell / Fiametta Von Brandt

Odette wandered through a somewhat wooded area, taking inventory. Seriously, they couldn't have put her in a better spot to "unleash her creative juices." Making mental notes of which trees to burn, and which might not catch as easily, and which might be overkill--save those for when she needed to blow this joint--she made her way over to check out the groups of people standing in small congregations.

'Improvise,' she thought, running long fingers through her very short hair. Well, that would be easy enough; scripts probably weren't the best things to put in her hands.

She found Oliver Bane flipping through the book--she was just as surprised as he was. "Stephen King," she said. "You know he wrote my absolute favorite book-slash-movie. It's about...fire." She grinned widely. Then she saw him start to leave. "Hey where are you--Oh well. Bye, then." And she stayed put.

Sonja Jones/Ms. Natasha Draven:

I stared at stranger as she took off with Bond then turned to the guy next to me.

"Did--did she just kidnap Bond?" I asked. He looked back at me amused. "OR am I seeing things?"

He smiled at me, amused. "I think he did," he replied. I sigehd and shook out my shoulder length red hair.

"Well, that was weird," I muttered, shaking my head. A moment later I saw another man reading a book. Suddenly he put the book away and walked off. "Um, 008, we should follow them. "I pointed towards the where Bond and the woman had vanished and he looked at me. "I think that was the villian," I hissed under my breath.

"Ah," he said and swore.

I ignored him and took off after the man with the book, the strange woman who was probably the villian and Bond. I didn't get very far before someone tripped me up. I landed on me face then rolled over and looked up at the man with the book.

Chrissie Black/Ilona Breeze

"SORRY I'M LATE!"I yelled as I ran along the beach trying to find someone, anyone who knew what was going on. My breakfast felt really heavy and it was slowing me down. A girl and the guy I recognised from the T.V ad came running through the forest.

"Oh my god! Can you help me? What's going on? I need to see the director! I don't know what I'm doing and..."

The girl ran at me and put her hand over my mouth, I continued to mumble behind her hand. The T.V guy spoke to me.

"We are on our own, just get into character and improvise."

I looked shocked. Improvising? No Scripts? I shrugged and closed my eyes to enter into the mind of my character.

"007, you found me." I said in my most flirtatious voice, flicking my hair and smiling. He put a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you ok? Ummm..."

"Chrissie, I mean Ilona," I said forgetting that I was in character for a second there. "Who are you running away from?" I asked innocently.

Jessie/ Lucy Siren

Oh greeeeat. Bond had been kidnapped. I found myself slightly irritated at that but I knew that I wasn't supposed to get the guy straight away. That wasn't good movie sense. He had to fight villains and break a few other hearts first. I didn't even care if he slept with them so long as he was mine for the closing credits. That was the sign of a good bond girl.

"Alright go do your thing," I said to the other agent. "Save Bond, kill the girl, whatever." I swayed over to him and his own little posse. He and one of the other girls took off before I got there. They were running in the direction of bond but the girl tripped over some other random guy and 008 disappeared amongst the trees.

"I'm going for refreshment," I said. That was totally in character. My character needed to eat. So. Desert island, that meant... "Coconuts? Maybe there are coconuts here."

John Barry/J. Bond

"Oh golly gosh!" I shouted, "This is a bit of a bummer of a situation, isn't it just?"

"Oh, yes it is Bond," said Ilona, in a horrificly bad put-on voice.

I put my hand into my blazer pocket and pulled out a funny looking thing that almost looked like an ipod. As I drew my attention to it -- whilst being dragged off -- I noticed something bewildering. There was a flashing message on it that read, "Click Play! Click Play!"

I obliged.

All of a sudden, sound rocketed through the entire island. It was ear boomingly loud. It was the James Bond theme tune. Time for John Barry to get in the zone, I thought.

With that I broke away from my kidnapper in a stylish selection of really quite odd karate movements and then rolled across the sandy beach, making for the forests.

"Hey! Bond! Aren't you going to save me?!" yelled Ilona after me.

"Sorry, love!" I shouted back, "I'll come back later after the odd martini and perhaps a few intimate scenes!"

In all honesty, events like this scared the creepers out'a Barry.

Chrissie Black/Ilona Breeze

"Sorry, love!" Shouted Bond as he ran away towards the forest again.

"Damn!" I yelled kicking up a flurry of sand. The other girl ran off in pursuit of Bond. I was about to follow when out of the trees came another man in a suit.

"Hey!" He yelled waving his arms as he ran towards me. "You in the film?" He asked huffily.

I snorted, "I should jolly well think I am! And I might ask the same of you." I spat angrily.

"008." He said shortly. I gasped in mock amazement.

" 008! oh how brilliant." I said sarcastically. "You aren't authentic enough for me, I'm going to get me some 007! You know he has been on T.V before." With that I smirked and ran off in pursuit of the girl and 007.

"Hey! Wait up! I'm looking for 007 too!" He ran after me and soon caught me up at the edge of the trees. I was doubled over with a stitch from running so soon after breakfast.

"Carry me!" I said before jumping into his arms. He huffed as he caught my weight. We stumbled a few metres before he dropped me.

"Ouch!"

"Sorry." He said rubbing his back. "This would be easier if you were lighter."

"Huh!" I said standing with as much dignity as I could muster and stalking off into the trees at a brisk power walk. I could hear Mr 008 following behind me but I took no notice of him.

Stella

James was still running as we chased him. God, he was fast. And the heels on my shoe were bound to break....and there they go.

"Ah! My heel broke! Now I can't run! Its the end of the world, life as we know it is coming to an end! All races shall persh in an ever burning fire as the light..." a girl turns to me. I know her name to be Jessie.

"Oh just SHUT UP!" She yells, staring at me. I was now sitting on the gorund, trying to fit the two pieces of my shoe together.

"But...I....Broke....My.....HEEL! This is a cat-as-tro-fee!" I say, trying to pronounce the long word, "I don't know what I will do! By morning light, I shall be only duct..."

"And I will be laughing." Jessie said, her eyes boring into me.

"Could you tell your eyes to stop looking so mean?"

"You are kidding me, right?" She asked.

"They look like they want to strangle me."

Jessie/ Lucy Siren

"Well they probably do," I snorted. Geeze, this girl was irritating! Who was she meant to be anyway? Like Bond would go for someone like her. "Come on, get up already. We're supposed to be chasing Bond." Not that I had a clue why we were doing that. This movie sucked. Improvisation sucked. I'd even say acting sucked if I didn't love it so much.

"I can't!" Stella whined. "I shall die here, I will peh-rich!" Uh... right.

"Fine. Do that," I snarled. I turned and began to stomp away.

"Wait! You can't really leave me here to die of starvation!" Oh hell. Couldn't I? Surely the crew would find her soon enough and feed her right? Except they hadn't done a good job of feeding me so far. Oh shit.

"If you're coming, come. Get up. You can help me make a fire. Maybe if we start cooking Bond will come strolling over to us." We certainly won't going to catch him when we were already so far behind.

What a strange day. I was chasing after Bond and this chick just jumps into my arms. I dropped her. Boy was she heavy. (Too many cheeseburgers!) Anyways, I ran after Bond, with his theme song playing in the background. Then, out of nowhere, gunshots. I hit the sand and pulled out my revolver. I fired at these two fellows dressed in yellow suits.

"Its Barlow! Its Barlow!" they yelled and began to run at me.

I fired two shots quickly.

I wounded both and jumped to my feet. I ran into the trees and found where I had left my things. I made camp on the north side of the island where there was a fresh spring of water and plenty of trees. I spent the rest of the day building a makeshift cabin and chopping firewood. No one will find me here. I figure many of these Bond-crazy girls will find more of these men in yellow suits. They're probably minions of whoever is behond this "movie." This is serious business, and I don't think Bond will be here to save the day.

Jessi Blane/Jimmy, Lord of the Cracked Cornless

Running with the Agent 007 was rather fantastic. Jessi smiled wildly as they made their way through the trees. He wasn't trying to escape her, which she appreciated. He just ran with her, just as if he knew it would all be okay.

"So, you're Bond I suppose?" Jessi asked.

"That'd be me," Bond said. "And you are?"

"Jimmy, Lord of the Cracked Cornless!" Jessi shouted, thrusting a fist into the air as she ran. "But you can just call me Jessi. It's my real name, so technically out of character, but I wasn't technically cast in this either so I suppose it's technically okay."

Bond seemed to think over this for a moment. "I see. So why are you here then? I'm assuming you're no villian?"

"Nope, I'm as good as you," Jessi said. "I'm here mostly because I can be. I was hired as a writer, but those imbiciles in the scripting business for this film were screwing things up. So I'm going to try to run things my way. I burned the scripts which is why you all get to work on improvisation now."