My smile's just a pose

Uh, kind of a depressing poem, was trying something new...

Alone again in so much pain
Wondering why I have to cry
And take all of this strain
Lying hurt in the dirt
A situation of damnation
Is always a dead cert
In this life full of strife
The only way I can stay
Is with the help of a knife
When I need it now and then
Though people say it's not okay
They're just ordinary men
Who don't know how it goes
The simple fact is life's an act
And my smile's just a pose

So what do you think?

I really like that last line!!!! Sort of reminds me of... me.

the rhyme scheme seemed a little awkward to me...like, there kept being rhymes when you didnt expect them, and then you'd expect something to rhyme and it didn't. but youre very good at finding clever words to rhyme within the same line i.e. 'situation of damnation,' just try to even the rythm out a bit.

I'm not the worlds greatest poet, in fact I'm really bad at it, and don't now anything about them. But this poem deffinately reminds me of me. Just thiught I'd say that.

Definitely depressing, lol.
I agree with faith, the rhyme scheme is awkward and surprising (although thats not necessarily a bad thing, it does read kind of stilted). You could try rewriting it with a more conventional rhythm; a b a b or a b c b or something. It would make more sense and flow a lot better that way. I did like the last two lines, though - "The simple fact is life's an act
And my smile's just a pose ". Very powerful.
Another thing I would like to point out too is that with your structure, maybe you could try evening it out as well - like, if you're trying to say something specific, group the ideas in categories and deal with them in a logical order, coz as it is the poem seems to jump around a lot, although that could just be because of the unusual rhyming.
Overall, its quite a good poem, definitely has some potential to be dramatic and moving - the emotion is there. It just needs to be smoothed out a bit and perhaps a touch of subtlety. In its present form, it lacks depth - by which I mean that the meaning of the words is always plain. Again, not necessarily a bad thing, but you might want to try to stretch the ideas in a different direction. I dunno - could be just me.

I think this is a really good poem and i dont know exactly but i think it has a sort of emotive factor thing goin on. I liked the way it wasn't hugely depressing but that you made it depressing my not stating anything but just letting the reader 'guess' what you were talking about. I loved it and i feel i can really relate to it too.

I really like the second half. The whole poem has a very unique rhythm. But the first half of it didn't really catch my attention. Depressing can be a good thing, but the problem with depressing is that it's hard to make unique. -penny

Thanks for the advice everyone. Hope it helps me improve my writing.

Great job! I really liked this except it got me tongue tied. The rhyming was to forced. Manay good poems do not rhyme! Anyway, great job....

I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BRAVO!!! BROVO!!!!!
The ryhiming was great and it flowed perfectly!!!

I liked the flow and rhythm of the poem.
However it was jut in many ways a bit of a teen angst poem. It is possible to write depressing poetry with it sounding angsty.
My favourite part was my smile is just a pose. It is a fantastic use of imagery and I love imagery.
I think you could be a great poet and write depressing poems just try to make it sound a little more mature.

~Ferris~

Your style here was interesting. It reminded me of tenis. I liked the ending, but I'd suggest using more vivid imagery throughout, to really make this yours.The last three lines flowed perfectly, and had an almost musical feel to them, but I felt that the rest of the poem was a little weak in comaparison.(Except for the lovely tenis lines.Sorry, internal rhyme lines.They just made me think of tenis.)

Hmm.. I can't say I loved this, but I have taken a liking to it. The poem flows along as it tells the story, which is sad to say, a depressing one- I'm not a fan of depressing stuff.

I like your last line, I think it;s really clever. How a pose never has any feel to it, it's just for the camera or people around you - just like a strained or forced smile.

But yes, it's good.