How to save your life; prologue

asxz · 2009-09-16T19:56:10Z

Hello, just something I wrote up this morning before I went to school. I would like one ripping to shreds, please! I was bred to kill. Yes; my sole purpose is to kill you, and everyone around you. What’s more – I am easily capable, so competent that I could do it with my eyes shut. Right now – as you are reading this at home, on the bus, at work – there is someone out there to kill you. Look to your left, and then to your right. Who will die first? You? Or one of them? It’s not survival of the fittest… no. It’s nothing like that. I suppose you think I’m lying? Okay, you can go around thinking that; it’s not like I care. But one day, you’ll regret not taking my advice. And that day is coming soon. By the time you realise that I am right, it will be too late. You will either be dead, or living out those painful last seconds of your life. And believe me; they will be painful. I’m not your average kid, as you may have guessed. I’m not a psychopath, either. I’m just who I am, what my childhood made me, and that’s not something you’ll want to know about. But I suppose you would, if it has any chance of saving your life. That’s why you picked up this book, and that’s why you’re still reading. Big mistake. I wrote this not to have it read, but to have it written, for me. A documentation of what they did to me, of those sadistic men and their ‘exercises’ that I had to endure just to survive. And if I didn’t survive - tough luck. There were dozens of others that would do the job just fine, even better. They survived, after all. But I suppose that it’s good someone like you has decided to read; it might give you a chance. Unlikely. Or it could open your eyes right now and give you a chance to run while you still can. But if you heed my warnings, then you shouldn’t be here. There’s no time to waste as you read this. Go, now - before it’s too late. The only way that you could save yourself would be to join them. But I can’t see that happening; they can breed anyone they need. Quite ingenious, actually. Self-sustainability keeps people like you out. But me, or someone just like me, will be after you sometime soon. And you will die, even if you run, even if you hide. With a single swish of my finger, you could be dead. Right here, on the spot I could think of twelve different ways to kill you without giving you any chance at all, not that you would ever get a chance. Me and the others are too good. We have to be, or else we wouldn't have survived. Or I could leave you alone, save you the sweet embrace of death. But I can’t see that happening either. It’s not what I was born to do. Still don't believe me? Well, that's your problem. My word is the only reference you will ever be able to find; but then again, I don't exist. Not officially, anyway.

blackpencil

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Points 3922

Reviews 42

Fri Sep 25, 2009 12:13 am

blackpencil says... · Fri Sep 25, 2009 12:13 am

Wow. I love it. Sorry, I'm afraid we're out of ripping to shreds in the blackpencil department, but would you care for some praise?

First of all, I love how you do the little sentences all on their own. I don't know the proper term for them, so don't ask. Whenever I do something like that, I get a grammar loyalist who beats me with the cyberbeatstick of grammar. Not that I don't like correction. :evil:

Damn you grammar! Damn you to hell! :evil:

Well, some grammer anyway.

I love how deathly cold this character sounds. I can't wait to see life from someone like him/her angle. Or life how they see it, anyway. :twisted:

Please PM me about next chapter you do!

If you're learning from your mistakes, you shouldn't be making the same ones again.

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Jas

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Points 805

Reviews 336

Sun Sep 27, 2009 9:05 pm

Jas says... · Sun Sep 27, 2009 9:05 pm

This is extremely good. I loved how you didnt tell the gender or age of this character, even though you gave hints to what it was as in when you mentioned his/her childhood. This gives me the distinct feeling of a the thoughts of an intelligent version of the zombies in I am Legend. Good job! I would love to see this published.

I am nothing
but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted
apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's
or maybe like pocket candy
that's just a bit too sweet.

~*~

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Deifyance

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Points 3594

Reviews 53

Sat Oct 03, 2009 6:29 pm

Deifyance says... · Sat Oct 03, 2009 6:29 pm

Goodness! you make my prologue look like a 3rd grade simple sentence book. It was very well written and produces a moderate amount of suspense. The cliffhanger was not cliche and I thought it flowed very nicely.
I'm extremely impressed that you just wrote this before school. It seems like it required a little planning.
I hope the rest of it is as good as this.
Keep writing!

Check out my current Series: Changing Legacy

Chapter 1
Changing Legacy: Chapter 1 - Disheartening

Chapter 2
Changing Legacy: Chapter 2 - Ambushed

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asxz

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Points 9593

Reviews 216

Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:07 pm

asxz says... · Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:07 pm

Deifyance wrote:Goodness! you make my prologue look like a 3rd grade simple sentence book. It was very well written and produces a moderate amount of suspense. The cliffhanger was not cliche and I thought it flowed very nicely.
I'm extremely impressed that you just wrote this before school. It seems like it required a little planning.
I hope the rest of it is as good as this.
Keep writing!

I thought of it the night before, but knew that if I started writing I woudn't be able to stop. It took me about forty minutes, but I was thinking about it the night before. So I guess I had some planning.

::XoX::KeepWriting::XoX::

GENERATION 29: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

Writing is 3% talent and 97% not being distracted by the internet

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shadepelt

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Points 989

Reviews 13

Sun Oct 04, 2009 2:18 am

shadepelt says... · Sun Oct 04, 2009 2:18 am

First of all, fantastic prologue! I started it and wanted to keep reading, it had me thinking. What happened to this person/thing? Why was he/she born to kill? It has a great plot, from what I can tell, and sounds real, like some creepy message the government would try to cover up from the public and end up causing a scandal. If that made any sense at all...
"Save you the sweet embrace of death..." I really liked that sentence, it was short, and yet descriptive in it's own way. It sounds as if this would be a much more favorable choice than what kind of death would happen if you didn't start pushin' up daises before the character found you. Anyway, keep writing, this is a really great piece!

“I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end."
~Samwise Gamgee
Never give up.

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Auteur

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Sun Oct 04, 2009 5:18 am

Auteur says... · Sun Oct 04, 2009 5:18 am

Hmm, either I'm late to review this or heaps of people really like this piece, too. Anyway, I haven't really got much to critique you on, seeing as so many people have already done that for you. But anyway, I really liked this piece, very intriguing and had me wanting to read more. Are you gonna continue this? I really hope you do, 'cos it has that potential. Good luck with any future writing! Byee!

Most people see what is and never what can be. - Albert Einstein

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asxz

Gender

Points 9593

Reviews 216

Sun Oct 04, 2009 6:19 am

asxz says... · Sun Oct 04, 2009 6:19 am

Yes. I will continue this. For anyone who wants to read chapter 1, and part one of chapter 2, it s p int eh Action adventure fiction forums already. I have Chapter three completed, but I am waiting for some input on the first two before I will post some more. Thanks for reading, and I am glad to hear that so many people like it!
Links:
Chap. 1/Part. 1
Chap. 1/Part. 2
Chap. 1/Part. 2
Thank you for reading!

::XoX::KeepWriting::XoX::

GENERATION 29: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

Writing is 3% talent and 97% not being distracted by the internet

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BarrettBenedict

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Sat Feb 27, 2010 10:28 pm

BarrettBenedict says... · Sat Feb 27, 2010 10:28 pm

Hey, I really like your style. You have a very solid voice, one that seems to be made for entertainment. I couldn't help but notice you are a science geek, any speculative fiction stories in the works?

"Is", "is." "is" — the idiocy of the word haunts me. If it were abolished, human thought might begin to make sense. I don't know what anything "is"; I only know how it seems to me at this moment. -Robert Anton Wilson

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asxz

Gender

Points 9593

Reviews 216

Sat Feb 27, 2010 10:33 pm

asxz says... · Sat Feb 27, 2010 10:33 pm

BarrettBenedict wrote:Hey, I really like your style. You have a very solid voice, one that seems to be made for entertainment. I couldn't help but notice you are a science geek, any speculative fiction stories in the works?

I wasn't going to... but I've got a few ideas now that I've read your work. how to make a sandwhich, is one... I never really thought about writing hitchiker's guide to the galaxy before...

::XoX::KeepWriting::XoX::

GENERATION 29: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

Writing is 3% talent and 97% not being distracted by the internet

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fight4whatsright

Gender

Points 0

Reviews 13

Tue Mar 02, 2010 9:07 am

fight4whatsright says... · Tue Mar 02, 2010 9:07 am

I'm scared. Are you going to kill me? This prologue made me curious, it made me want to read more, so i guess it did its job. However it was a little boring, to me anyway. but definately well written. good job

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