Staring Contest

Snoink

Supporter

Gender

Points 9692

Reviews 3900

Sun Oct 09, 2005 5:47 am

Snoink says... · Sun Oct 09, 2005 5:47 am

He looked at me
I stared back.

He scratched his nose
I stared back.

He rubbed his hair
I stared back.

He smiled a bit
I stared back.

He yawned and stretched
I stared back.

He ate some food
I stared back.

He choked on a hot dog
I stared back.

His face became blue
I stared back.

He gagged and convulsed
I stared back.

He fell to the floor
I stared back.

The ambulance came
I stared back.

He blinked.

Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic!

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Emma

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 683

Sun Oct 09, 2005 7:12 am

Emma says... · Sun Oct 09, 2005 7:12 am

Lmao! This is funny. xD

...Wait... Is this meant to be funny? I just like it.

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FireGirl

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 22

Sun Oct 09, 2005 10:20 am

FireGirl says... · Sun Oct 09, 2005 10:20 am

Haha! Very funny, I really like it. Good work..

We cannot kindle when we will;
The Fire in which our heart resides;
The spirit bloweth and is still,
In mystery our soul abides.

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zelithon

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 241

Sun Oct 09, 2005 4:41 pm

zelithon says... · Sun Oct 09, 2005 4:41 pm

kinda funny and yet creepy in a good way.

Adults are just obsolete children, and to hell with them!
-Dr.Suess

Deadpanners are backtalkers!

badonkadonk
Atheism is a non phophet organisation

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Duskglimmer

Gender

Points 2340

Reviews 447

Sun Oct 09, 2005 10:34 pm

Duskglimmer says... · Sun Oct 09, 2005 10:34 pm

*blinks* wow... I... was not expecting that. *is unsure whether to laugh or just continue blinking*

I don't know what you were aiming for, but you certainly got a reaction out of the reader. Good job there...

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello
Boo. SPEW is watching.

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Snoink

Supporter

Gender

Points 9692

Reviews 3900

Mon Oct 10, 2005 2:06 am

Snoink says... · Mon Oct 10, 2005 2:06 am

Laugh all you want! I was in tears while doing this improvised poem (Griffinkeeper inspired it).

Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic!

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Griffinkeeper

Supporter

Gender

Points 2702

Reviews 867

Mon Oct 10, 2005 2:35 am

Griffinkeeper says... · Mon Oct 10, 2005 2:35 am

I deny everything.

Actually, I don't deny giving Snoink inspiration.

Now that I think about it, she did write it on my computer...

Nah, I still deny it.

Moderator Emeritus (frozen in carbonite.)

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NovaRose

Gender

Points 6194

Reviews 481

Mon Oct 10, 2005 6:46 am

NovaRose says... · Mon Oct 10, 2005 6:46 am

LMAO. This is hilarious, in a morbid sort of way.

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ConvolutedEmpty

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 13

Sun Dec 11, 2005 7:14 pm

ConvolutedEmpty says... · Sun Dec 11, 2005 7:14 pm

OMG, I love this, it doesn't hold the same kind of senseless, soul searching depth as most, it's more thinking, struck silence, and then hysterical laughter. I thought it was very clever, and although the repetition became tiresome after a little while, in the end it all worked because the end caught you off guard, excellent work!

Words are spilling out like endless rain into a paper cup, they slither while they pass. They slip away across the universe... Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting thorough my open mind possessing and caressing me..

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Fireweed

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 335

Mon Dec 12, 2005 1:20 am

Fireweed says... · Mon Dec 12, 2005 1:20 am

disturbing...yet funny

"I myself am composed entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."- Augusten Burroughs

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bubblewrapped

Gender

Points 10087

Reviews 701

Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:30 am

bubblewrapped says... · Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:30 am

**points** What they said. LOL I loved this. I read it through - becoming slightly irritated with the staring person, I will admit -and then I got to "he blinked" and I sat there and blinked myself, LOL. Very clever and unexpected. I like the rhythm too (must say SOMETHING critique-ish hehe), very catchy. And that ending took me completely by surprise.

=D> =D> =D> \:D/ :thumb:

Got a poem or short story you want me to critique?

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it. (C D Morley)

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DarkerSarah

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 137

Sun Jan 15, 2006 5:05 am

DarkerSarah says... · Sun Jan 15, 2006 5:05 am

...

That is my response to that poem. But then, I thought about it, and this :shock:

became

Hehe.

"And I am a writer
writer of fiction
I am the heart that you call home
And I've written pages upon pages
Trying to rid you from my bones...
Let me go if you don't love me" ~The Decembrists "Engine Driver"

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