My Most Embarrasing Moment

I am writing my most hate jonra (I know it is spelled almost entirely wrong)

Many people have been embarrassed for some reason or another but, I have yet to meet someone who has had a "most embarrassing moment" as mortifying as I. I have ripped my shorts in school, i have also run for school president the same year, only the teachers laughed at my jokes, and done all sorts of other embarrassing things, sometimes i say something or do something that I later realize is improper or disgusting or mean or rude or stupid, you get the idea.
My most embarrassing moment was worse than all of these.
I was in forth grade I was a quiet girl without many friends so it was odd for me to join the talent show. You are probably going o-h that's it by now. My Mum was making me do it with my little sister, if that's not embarrassing enough, we had to do "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy" if you know that song you know the words indicate it is a boy singing it. We had a routine all worked out with dancing and singing with canes.
The day of the talent show I was pretty nervous but not unduly so, i do not get stage fright. We were one of the last performers we stood in front behind the curtain when they lifted it we were poised and smiling. They played the wronge song instead of "Yankee doodle dandy" they played "Yankee doodle went to town" my sister yelled at them to change the music some kids in the audience giggled i was already embarrassed, when my sister hit me dazed i watched as the audience burst out laughing even the teachers let out barely suppressed giggles.
I was humiliated.
They did not get the song right so we had to stubble through are routine singing words that did not mach the song. I have never been more embarrassed.

Yeah, that's pretty embarassing, but not as embarassing as spelling 'laughed' wrong. Use the spell checker at the bottom, it doesn't bite...at least I don't think so...

did i not admitt to being a terriblle speller? i think i did! my spellcheck does not work!

waa!

But when you post there should be a button at the bottom that says 'spell check.'

i know, i have pressed it and it does not work.

Freaky. Lemme try...

does it work on yours?

Yep. Talk to Nate if it still doesn't work once you try again.

*twitches*

Here's a hint - post this into Word and let it check your spelling and your grammar.

Your icon confused me - at first I was shocked that Sureal would post something like this. But of course it was not Sureal.

its a pretty kitty! coo my spell check works now!

OK now that it is spelled basically correct can you criticize my actual writing please

Okay... wait a couple of days for me. ^_^

Crysi wrote:*twitches*

Here's a hint - post this into Word and let it check your spelling and your grammar.

Your icon confused me - at first I was shocked that Sureal would post something like this. But of course it was not Sureal.

I'm taking that as a compliment .

But, note to everyone: Believe it or not, I am (in fact) not a 13 year old girl. Indeed, I am actually a 47 year old male, with an unhealthy and very illegal taste for 13 year old girls.

Unhealthy because 34 year old girls are actually evil (of course, they claim otherwise - but that's because they are evil).
Illegal, because cannibalism is against the law in jolly old England.

I am actually a specially trained chimp in a research facility and i am all alone because i have acquired a taste for other chimps

Okay! Maybe not a couple of days.

The next thing, besides spelling, would be grammar. Many writers would rather have the critiquer comment on the aspects of the story instead of grammar. Why? Because grammar is not something that many are interested in. How many grammar books have you read with pleasure?

Yet grammar is one of the most important aspects of writing. Not many people realize this, but the way we writers use grammar can completely change the style and mood of the story. How you format a story can either be the greatest thing around or the worst thing.

With that said, let's look at grammar.

Many people have been embarrassed for some reason or another but I have yet to meet someone who has had a "most embarrassing moment as mortifying as me.

First of all, you need to put a comma before "but." There's a technical term for that, but I'll spare you with that knowledge. Next of all, you have a quote, but you never close it. Always close your quotes!

I have ripped my shorts in school, i have also run for school president the same year, only the teachers laughed at my jokes, and done all sorts of other embarrassing things, sometimes i say something or do something that I later realize is improper or disgusting or mean or rude or stupid, you get the idea.

The first thing I noticed that this was only one sentence.

Sentences generally shouldn't be long. Face it: readers just don't want to pay that much attention. Usually when I read a sentence that long, my eyes wander, and then I look a period somewhere close. If I don't find a period, I look for a comma. You see, when a reader reads a sentence, they don't blink. I know, it sounds strange, but it's true because if you read this sentence, which is purposely long, then you'll find your eyes beginning to water and your nose beginning to twitch and then you wonder why I, the dear little Snoink, is torturing you with a long sentence -- purposely long mind you -- and it's just annoying!

Yeah. Break up the long sentence into little sentences.

Next thing I noticed? It didn't make sense. Yeah, you did something embarrassing, but when I first read the story, I could swear that one embarrassing moment in your life was running for president because the teachers laughed at your jokes. What you need is something called parallelism.

Oh my gosh! Did Snoink just spout out a grammar term? Yes...

Parallelism is when you have words which sound similar. You start with "I have" then go on to different formats. Why? And this isn't you fault, but it's because you've probably read in your English books, "You should vary the style so you sound original!" Ha. Ha. Nothing can be more wrong. You might be varying the style, but at a cost to the reader who, as the story goes on, has no idea what you are talking about. Look at your sentence again:

"I have ripped my shorts in school, i have also run for school president the same year, only the teachers laughed at my jokes, and done all sorts of other embarrassing things, sometimes i say something or do something that I later realize is improper or disgusting or mean or rude or stupid, you get the idea."

Now, with grammar, look at how it could be:

"I have ripped my shorts in school, I have run for school president, I have jokes only the teachers laugh at, and I have done all sorts of other embarrassing things. Sometimes I say or do something that I later realize is improper or disgusting or mean or rude or stupid -- you get the idea."

The next thing? Capitalize your I's. Please.

Two sentences in! XD Okay... I'll try to speed it up.

I was in forth grade I was a quiet girl without many friends so it was odd for me to join the talent show. You are probably going o-h that's it by now. My Mum was making me do it with my little sister, if that's not embarrassing enough, we had to do "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy" if you know that song you know the words indicate it is a boy singing it. We had a routine all worked out with dancing and singing with canes.

Um.... speed critique!

"forth" should be "fourth" since you're talking about numbers.

"I was in fourth grade I was a quiet girl..." should actually be two sentences. Try to say it straight through without pausing even slightly. You'll find you can't. That tells you that you need to break up the sentences.

Mum should not be capitalized because it follows after "my." If you were to have "Mum" instead of "My mum" then Mum would be capitalized. It's kind of tricky.

"My Mum was making me do it with my little sister, if that's not embarrassing enough, we had to do "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy" if you know that song you know the words indicate it is a boy singing it." should be split up into two sentences. Try to recite the sentence in only one breath without pausing, and you'll see why. So it should read like this.

"My Mum was making me do it with my little sister, if that's not embarrassing enough, we had to do "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy." If you know that song you know the words indicate it is a boy singing it."

Whew! Done with that!

The day of the talent show I was pretty nervous but not unduly so, i do not get stage fright.

Semicolon seperating "so" and "I do not..."

So it would look like this:

"The day of the talent show I was pretty nervous but not unduly so; I do not get stage fright."

The semicolon makes you pause slightly as you read it.

They played the wronge song instead of "Yankee doodle dandy" they played "Yankee doodle went to town" my sister yelled at them to change the music some kids in the audience giggled i was already embarrassed, when my sister hit me dazed i watched as the audience burst out laughing even the teachers let out barely suppressed giggles.

Wow! Run-on sentence alert!

Look at what I said for the second sentence and try to reformat this sentence. Split them up and have fun. ^_^

They did not get the song right so we had to stubble through are routine singing words that did not mach the song.

Not stubble... stumble. A stubble would be a little fuzz on your chin from not shaving.

So! There you go! It does sound embarrassing, but kind of funny. Lol...