Honesty, not always the best policy.

Sometimes being honest is the best thing you can do. For instance, i would want someone to be honest criting my writing, but then there is the other side, lying not to offend people. This is a grey area right? "Does my backside look big?" you can answer yes or no, what do you choose, to offend someone before a big date? sometimes people need to hear that sort of lie, but then its serious lie's that really hurt people.

As i said, its a grey area, no right or wrong answer

Writing a critique is different. It's like teaching someone. You can't just say, "Oh, nice" nor can you just say "That sucks."

More on that...
forum/viewtopic.php?t=4559

lying not to offend someone? Thats exactly the kind of thing im complaining about, people not being able to accept their faults, so you lie to them because your afraid of offending them. Well, don't be. If someone cant accept some criticism, they, number 1, don't belong here, and/or number 2, have emotional issues that aren't your problem and shouldnt worry about anyway.

American Idol banks on people lying to eachother about how good they sing. The show wouldn't exist if people were more honest with one another. How many times when watching that show do you hear someone say "well, my friends say I sing good." or something like that? Every freakin time!! People need to get over themselves, and realize they arent perfect, or trained profesionals, or have years of experience behind them.

True point Gal, and I agree wholeheartedly. But when telling the truth or lying is a matter of self-image or just making people feel good but doesn't affect improvement at all, sometimes that's more important than brutal honesty.

You also brought up, inadvertently, another good point- don't just say that something works, also tell why and/or what they could do to remedy the problem.

*shrugs* It's kind of grey for me, and it ties into the want/need issue. Do you tell them what they want to hear? Or what they need to hear? Actually that cuts a lot of answers out of the pool already. I usually go with need, but sometimes what they need is a little lie, or an exaggerated truth, or a comment that's COMPLETELY true ... except for the made up bits, which aren't. If someone is very obbviously fishing for compliments then I tend to just say that yes, your bum looks absolutely hideous in that, just because when people repetitively and obbviously fish for compliments it annoys me. But if someone needed to hear they looked great or they'd lock themselves in their rooms and never come out (not in a thetrical way, in a serious low self-esteem way) then yes, there bum looks like the most perfect bum that ever graced the planet in that.

Galatea wrote:Case in point:

A: Does this skirt make my butt look big?

B: It's not very flattering on you. Here, try an alternative style/colour/size that might look better.

I know this is not the only time its a problem, its just an example. If my acting coaches weren't brutally honest with me, I would never get anywhere as an actor. If my voice teacher laid off, my singing would never improve. The same goes for just about anything. We need brutal honesty to improve ourselves.

Sure but that doesn't mean if the following situation happened:
Q:Does this make my butt look big?
A: Yes, try "x" instead/I don't care, you're always beautiful to me

Does not mean, that I won't get slapped across the face.....

Perhaps when a lie is to avoid criticism, it is not for the best. But, there are other circumstances that lead to deceit.

I don't believe that self-interest ever wins over truth. In fact, I know it doesn't. To avoid pain by denying the truth is cowardly. The truth is all we have. When we deny it, we deny ourselves.