Rate the first sentence above you

9/10 I like it I like it a lot

Are we supposed to put the first sentence of the novel we are writing or one we are reading? I'm gonna put the one from mine:

Here in this street everything’s the same.

Huh. I'm going to say 7/10
It's not bad, but there are better ways to get across the setting, or tone.







It was the kind of day where sadness slid down your shoulder blades, and melancholy formed droplets at the top of your brow.

8/10 Nice imagery, but makes me think that the sadness is somehow making this person sweat, with the "droplets at the top of your brow". Seems odd...

"I don't see the stars tonight," she whispered, and there was fear in her voice.

8/10

I like it. The statement is unusual enough that we want to keep reading, and ordinary enough we wonder why she'd be saying that out of fear.

"Are there any assassins in the crowd, Kerani?"

Definitely peaked my interest. 8/10

"You want me, to help you hook up with my clone," Jenica said.

7/10. Almost there, but it just doesn't feel quite right.

When the killing time comes, a hard man never looks at his watch.

5/10. I was interested, like the little character details, but if that was all I saw I could forget about the story rather easily. This fits better a paragraph-long opening better than a first line opening. (Terms taken from here)

“I don’t see why we should lose a daughter when guards can do a perfectly good job.”

7/10. Huh. I like that. It's thought-provoking.

"He did a wild sort of pocket-searching dance, but to no avail."

7/10

Good. It reminds me of myself..

Alone in the darkness, a small, forgotten box sang a melancholy tune that reminded the boy of the bitter strawberries that grew in his backyard in the spring.

6/10

Gave me very little feel of the tone or setting, on the other hand you redeem it with some nice description


Hell can't touch the Northern Front.

Hm. Well. I don't know, it doesn't give me a lot to picture. 7/10.

"I watched with baited breath as the warrior advanced through the dark chamber, sword in his hand and shield upon his arm."

Hmm...7/10, I'd say.

"With baited breath" is a somewhat cliche phrase; maybe describe the anxiety instead. It does hook me in wanting to know why there's someone sitting in the dark with a warrior. A nice hint of suspense there.

So I think mine sucks. If you've got some good advice, I'd like it:

With the rumor of a Viking longship docking earlier that day, there was no way Sólveig could concentrate on the mundane task of needlework.

8/10. Definitely throws me into the viking times, which I find interesting, but it's that last part, the idea of a guy doing needlework, that got me.

Ooh, sorry. Sólveig is a nine-year-old girl. Maybe I should have confirmed the gender XD

Oh. *feels stupid* Well, I assumed it was a guy because of the viking image that came to mind. Whoops.