Rate the first sentence above you

6 it ok but what else could u do? It kinda cliquae i mean i have read at least 4 books start with that good try


I ran down the street feeling like a breeze on a extremly hot day, needed.and important.

7/10
It's full of action, a great way of starting a story, but it didn't poke out much interest. It was good, though

My line:
The sky remained as a dark, magnetic swirl, reminding me of the times Anita and me would eat popcorn while we watched black and white television static.

1/10
The "as" is out of place, "magnetic" doesn't describe how something looks, and it should be "Anita and I."

"Jen poured himself another cup of coffee, stared at the scorch mark on his kitchen floor, and once again contemplated calling the police."

9/10
Compelling...I like the idea, and there are a dozen of directions for it to head.



"We sulked across the rainy shore as our clammy fingers gripped a bitter bucket of stars."

9/10 Beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

Sometimes I wondered, if I would even be missed.

8/10, I would say. I'd put a comma after sometimes, I think that a pause after that word would make the reader shiver a bit more :3
(Without the comma after wonderedm that is)

For every story, there's an end.

(yes that's the first sentence, huh)

6/10. It pulls me in because I'm like, "Well, that's different," but then I'm like, "Wait, not so much. I wrote something that went back and forward in time with a character that was on hallucinogenic drugs." But I like making things hard for myself, and so the simplicity of the line is good in its own way.

Jacksin Pelley sat in the corner of a bathroom, a room trashed in the midst of repair.

7/10. It gives a sense that it could have both a physical and emotional meaning - and I love the different way of spelling "Jacksin"!


She was the oxygen that most found necessary; he was the molecule of carbon that made her fatal.

It's definitely a cliche. But I would probably continue reading due to the fact that it gets to the point, and now I want to know "what's on?"

So I'll say a 7 out of 10.

Okay... Chapter One of my story is mainly a prologue, but I call it "chapter one," so it's not written the way I would normally write, and the main character (in the prologue, in the past) is very stuck up and oblivious = not very bright. Here it is.

Two months ago, I would’ve gladly listened to an eternity’s worth of Mr. Brady’s political organization lectures, as long as it meant that I would never have to experience again what would shortly follow.

6/10

there is specificity in the first half of the sentence and it leads the way into the rest of the story. but there's no action so as a reader I don't get the feeling that there's a lot going on when I walk in.


Once upon a time, in a quiet house in a pleasant little neighborhood, there lived a little boy whose parents were cannibals.

10/10 The grammar is impeccable and it's always nice to see a reference to cannibals to help show our modern society that we need to accept cannibalism.

What is love?

1/10 I'm scared of babies hurting me.

Water tastes good.

8/10 because basically water is neutral in taste. (unless you are referring to cold water which I don't know how, does taste good)

I was 6 that time, when I along with my mom had gone to France.

5/10 it doesn't really make me say, "I have to read that."

"Why have you come here Hag?"

6. It hooks my interest a little bit, but I feel like there should be a comma after "here". Also, it's incredibly abrupt.

"Rita’s head smacked into the back of the passenger’s seat, and the air was ripped from her lungs by the explosion of the airbag from the dashboard."