The Happy

That was pretty amazing, Edgar Allan Poe would destroy you for this. I could never write a poem so entertaining. You've injected happiness straight into my veins, I'm going off to go enjoy myself now. Keep up the good work, I didn't catch anything that seemed too off.

Happy, happy, happy!

That's the way I am,

Laughing, grinning, giggles!

I smile because I can!



Love, love, love!

That's my favorite thing,

Hearts, flowers, chocolate!

I swear, I could just sing!



Rainbows, rainbows, rainbows!

Oh, don't they bring such joy?

Sunshine, sparkles, happiness!

I'm only here to annoy—



Oh, dear.



So sorry if you read the above,

I forgot to take my pills

How did you manage to get through that?

Did you know that stuff can kill?



An overdose of Happy

Can permanently damage the brain—

Perhaps you should see a doctor

And from this poetry refrain,



I would suggest this highly,

In fact, you should take heed,

This amount of joy

I hope you'll never read.



Go on and find something else

To pass the time away

Because if you continue this,

Believe me, you will pay



Oh look, I'm out of medication

I used the last just now

What consequences will this have?

Oh, I wonder how—



I feel The Happy coming in!

Quick, run away! Go!

How much longer can I suppress this?

Not even I can know—!



Hello there! Are you feeling glum?

Perhaps I can help out!

I love rainbows, ponies and sugary sweets!
Of this I have no doubt!



Let's be friends! We'll be the best!

I can assure you this!

What's that, you say? Speak up, my friend!

My other self you miss?



Oh, I see. I understand now,

It's all perfectly clear—

You use me upComma here then spit me out,

How could you do this, dear?
lol... I like this paragraph


All I wanted was to make you smile!

ThatComma here I promise is my mission,

But I suppose you're in denialComma here

And you, my friend, won't listen



So go read your dark depressing works,

That speak of woe and night,

I'll just be here, waiting alone

But when the time is right...



I shall reprimand! Oh yes, I shall

And you WILL see the day

When happiness, rainbows, and lots of love

Will make you all pay!

OMG... THE LAUGHS CANNOT SUPPRESS ... MUCH... LONG... (bursts out laughing)
Only a few lines that need a little touch up... indicated in bold. Good work... Gives 15th gold star!

God, I can't stop laughing hysterically. Haha, I loved how the poem is sooo bright and un-reasonably happy. I love the transition between the happiness and unhappiness. It has a unique theme and is just hilarious...I've never read a funnier poem, so good job...Gold star for you!

fluteluvr77<3

OH my, anti-pop!

Can I shower you in my praise? Marvelous. Extraordinary. Love it. :] I can't help but be happy reading this piece.

You are an incredible poet. This is one of the most entertaining works of poetry I've read in a while. In fact, it might be the best I've ever read.

What also amazes me is that you seem to have abducted my everday thoughts and crammed them into this poem. It's quite amazing. If I might ash, how did you do that? You know, get in my mind and all? I'm betting you are a mind reader. . .or a talented wirter. . . or both.

Kudos!

-dd9

Just a warning. I am going to give you a real and clear honest critique. It might upset you, so if it does, stop reading after this first paragraph, but there are some major literary issues you need to address in this poem. First off, I am going to compliment you on the mood you were trying to convey, but if you were trying to be "dark" or eerie, I think you can see from the general response that your poem was more of a joke (as in, funny, unserious, not "bad") than anything else and you didn't pull it through. If you wanna see an example of an eerie poem, check out William Blake’s "The Chimney Sweeper" circa 1794 (the second version, not the first). In general, I liked where you were going with this poem.

From here I will give a numbered critique of what I think you need to work on in this poem from structure to content and lastly, I'll give some style tips, but these ones are specific to the poem and like all tips, they may or may not be used.

1) Too Long:
I think any poem in which I consider the length is too long. I'm not a lazy reader, so if I notice the length of a poem it speaks a lot for how the poem was written. I think there were too many "filler stanzas" and by "filler" I mean stanzas that sound good, but aren't needed at all to carry along the purpose of the poem. I feel like poems should have a purpose and stanzas help to carry it through, if you don't, then I won't stop you from continuing what you're doing.
Another evidence of a poem being too long is the appearance of bad and forced rhymes. For example,

"Rainbows, rainbows, rainbows!

Oh, don't they bring such joy?

Sunshine, sparkles, happiness!

I'm only here to annoy—"

This is inconsistency in the characters stream of conscious. Why would a rainbow loving sunshine cheering person say that they are annoying? It doesn't make sense. The last line was there purely to rhyme with joy. Furthermore, you got carried away with proving that this person was annoyingly happy 1-2 stanzas would have sufficed. In fact, one stanza would have carried along the point. To be honest, the only thing that line managed to prove was the fact that you, the writer, think happy people are annoying. This, however, is a fact that didn't need to taint your poem. Consistency in a charcter is important in both poetry AND literature, otherwise your poem may look like a joke against happy people like that and not a serious work of poetry and low and behold, from the comments I see, it did.

2) Grammar/Syntax/Semantics:

I'm not going to critique you on these things because I respect a poet's right to use grammar as a tool to convey his message. (i.e. e. e. cummings ).

3) Vocabulary:

“I shall reprimand!” Really? Usually I would applaud you for using high vocabulary, but this word is too harsh for this poem, and furthermore, I don’t think thats the word you are looking for. It would be better to choose something a lighter word that fit in with the characters motives more. This line and the “annoy—” line really threw me for a loop.

4) The Message:

There isn’t one. There’s a hint at one though. I think you really need to evolve this poem to something serious and see where that takes you, to be honest. Don’t think of it as a joke now and get serious. I think you can do a lot better on this.

5) Content

Maybe I am lazy, but I just don’t want to get into content. The biggest problem is you were too repetitive in everything. You kept establishing and reestablishing that this character as insanely happy, then you did it again to say that too much Happiness isn’t good for you, then you did it one last time in saying that the Happiness persona was back. The only stanzas I found interesting was the second shift, the one where there was the fight between the two personas (and the rhyming scheme fell apart, ironically) to the last one, but it was muddled by the use of “reprimand” (very poor word choice). What would have been better is if the personas didn't try waxing philosophy and deciding whether happiness is good for you or what they like, just kept having that battle to be the dominant personality.

6) Style:

It’s cliché. That’s my main problem. Your concept of “Happiness” is too cliché and shallow for my liking that I can’t take the true intent seriously. What would have been better is if the character was always expressing this “false happiness” but as the poem progressed; it cracked away and revealed something disgusting and horrible. But that kind of philosophical thinking comes with age and laziness, I guess. -.-

Well, anyway, even thought I did not really go as in depth as I wanted to, your poem has been critiqued.

Yatta!

P.S. Usually I paste the poem with some minor corrections, so I am sorry for not getting to that. Hope this helps. Best wishes.

lol.i dont like to read stuff like this but your word has a pop of life in it.

i think poetry like this reflects off the person.shows who you are.

its like everything you say is too good to be ture.like maybe you took some pills you should of not have talken.like its all a lie or you are totally random.


i totally liked it.good work

OMG. That's like a cartoon, with the super cute and nice girl/guy/animal/monster going all evil. And it makes fun of how everything else on this board has dark meaning(but then, thats coming from someone who pretty much only uses Lyrics...)the ending line could be a bit longer, cause it breaks the rhythm, but it could also be a good ending.

honestly, I read this and just had to say something.

this was, like most of your stuff, brilliant.

and oh so true, yet I notice, even though everyone syas how much they like the transition from happy to not happy, none of them seem to really know what that's like.

personally, I have been on medications, many before, for different things,
mostly sever ADHD/ADD but once I waas diagnosed with bi-polar...

anyhow, I came to the conclusion, that the meds steal your soul...

this poem was fairly accurate, and expressed something deeper than most people took from it..

it made me sad,
but happy too,

gold star

Peace,
God

I just clicked the star button! Well done!

I really liked the way your character went through a very dramatic series of changes in just a short amount of time. Also, you not only see how insane the main character is, but also the depth of the secondary character- his/her friend. The friend was trying to find out what was going on, and she wanted to see the depressing side because she wanted to break through the MC's facade. I thought this was a lovely piece!

-Ember

Pretty cool. It's an engrossing read. I didn't quite see a point to it, but I am not always very good in the main idea area. Pretty good. I loved the rhymes, so consistent, very natural. there's a good ring to it. Question: maybe you could add a little more about how they will pay for being happy like that. Maybe try extending it a little? That's the only criticism I can dredge up. Good work!

*toots horn and throws confetti everywhere*
Brilliant, I say, brilliant! Haha.

Anti-pop, that poem was awesome. It combined comedy and craziness. (Although those two do go together quite a lot nowadays. Haha.)

Anyway, I liked it a lot! I thought how you transferred from the "Crazy happy girl" to "Normal girl" was wonderful.

The ending? Great. She's basically suggesting literally killing us all with kindness. Haha.

1 gold star for Anti-pop! Woo! Haha.

anti-pop wrote:Happy, happy, happy!
That's the way I am,
Laughing, grinning, giggles!
I smile because I can!

Love, love, love!
That's my favorite thing,
Hearts, flowers, chocolate!
I swear, I could just sing!

Rainbows, rainbows, rainbows!
Oh, don't they bring such joy?
Sunshine, sparkles, happiness!
I'm only here to annoy—

Oh, dear.

So sorry if you read the above,
I forgot to take my pills
How did you manage to get through that?
Did you know that stuff can kill?

An overdose of Happy
Can permanently damage the brain—
Perhaps you should see a doctor
And from this poetry refrain,

I would suggest this highly,
In fact, you should take heed,
This amount of joy
I hope you'll never read.

Go on and find something else
To pass the time away
Because if you continue this,
Believe me, you will pay

Oh look, I'm out of medication
I used the last just now
What consequences will this have?
Oh, I wonder how—

I feel The Happy coming in!
Quick, run away! Go!
How much longer can I suppress this?
Not even I can know—!

Hello there! Are you feeling glum?
Perhaps I can help out!
I love rainbows, ponies and sugary sweets!
Of this I have no doubt!

Let's be friends! We'll be the best!
I can assure you this!
What's that, you say? Speak up, my friend!
My other self you miss?

Oh, I see. I understand now,
It's all perfectly clear—
You use me up then spit me out,
How could you do this, dear?

All I wanted was to make you smile!
That I promise is my mission,
But I suppose you're in denial
And you, my friend, won't listen

So go read your dark depressing works,
That speak of woe and night,
I'll just be here, waiting alone
But when the time is right...

I shall reprimand! Oh yes, I shall
And you WILL see the day
When happiness, rainbows, and lots of love
Will make you all pay!

Hey Anti-Pop^^ Shina here. Did you know you're hilarious?! This poem makes me smile. I've been seeing this all over the place on YWS and never actually read it. I thought it would be some sappy happy poem, but it's not. Power to the happy people! Smiles, rainbows, and sparkles! Unicorns! Yeah!!! My friend Jazlyn would love this poem. We hate gloomy people. Sometimes they make things really complicated. I'm not saying to not be sad, but just don't produce excess sad emotions.

For all who are reading this, you better listen up! That poem is something you oughta listen to It takes more muscles to frown than the smile. Plus smiling is a lot funner and it feels better!

Sorry that's not much of a review, but I really didn't feel need for a review

Keep writing! I'm glad your portfolio is full of these ^^ I love your poems. I don't have to repeat it, but I will!!

~Shina

okay so first time through, i was like "the heck is this?" this person is crazy, and this poem is just too wierd. but then i read it through again and i actually really liked it. maybe im just a really slow person to catch on - whatever. either way, im a very sarcastic person and so i really your little sarcasm-ness. These two stanzas are my favorite:


"Happy, happy, happy!

That's the way I am,

Laughing, grinning, giggles!

I smile because I can!



Love, love, love!

That's my favorite thing,

Hearts, flowers, chocolate!

I swear, I could just sing!"


i can totally just see some happy doofus smiling like an idiot. i mean these stanzas do a great job of painting that picture. so yea, i really liked this poem. sorry im not being very specific, but i mean you already have like 20 something review so i dont think you really want to hear all those specifics again from me.

This was one of the best poems I've ever read, it was hilarious!

I love the way you wrote this, I laughed at every line. Truly brilliant, anti-pop!

Keep writing poetry please! , I do so enjoy it.

-Monday

Haha, I really liked it. It was funny, dark, and twisted.