The Happy

A lot of people seem to like this poem, and I can see why, because it's full of zest and exuberance. What I find problematic with it is, firstly, its length. It needs to be shorter and cut straight to the chase of the argument. Ruthless paring down can only make your writing tighter and make the words' impact more deeply felt.

Which may also expose another flaw in this poem. It seems to be a case of style over substance: your jaunty rhyme scheme does little to hide the superficiality of your content. The whole "look at me, I'm so totally committed to the pursuit of happiness" thing gets a bit wearing and the poem starts to become monotonous, as if we're waiting for some new conflict to emerge. It starts out funny, but one can only tolerate it for so long!

Snoink wrote:Ack, I didn't realize how much earlier this was written! For some reason, I missed it when it first came up on YWS. In any case, thanks for donating this poem to Spun Yarn! It's a really bizarre and twisted, yet horrifically cheery piece that would make anyone smile.

The reason that everyone's commenting on it now is because Nate has put the link to it on the homepage. Therefore, everyone is clicking on that link and checking this out.

Really nice poem, by the way!

This defiantly put a smile on my face! This was such a cute poem! It is way different from most of the things I read and defiantly refreshing. I thought it was perfect. Keep writing.

After reading this (AWESOME) poem you have here, I went through and looked at reviews just to see what others had to say, and I noticed something interesting. Pretty much everyone said they laughed or found this poem hilarious and all that, but I honestly didn't laugh a bit. Sure, I smiled slightly to myself mostly because of the connection I felt toward both sides of this person as well as how fiendishly clever the whole thing is, but I don't know. Something about this poem registered more as "creepy" than "funny." I guess it has something to do with how I know I personally come across as a bright and shining person (I really do love cute things...and rainbows...and bunnies...eh hem), but beneath the smiles I'm actually a pretty twisted being with plenty of skeletons having their own little tea party with my personal demons in my closet. But then again, maybe I'm just reading too much into something that's supposed to be light hearted, but hey. That's the point of poetry right? *rambles on about poetry as if I know anything*
Now that I've bored you with my life story, I just want to give you a virtual high five for writing this.
*lifts hand*
Buckets o' love and sparkles and crap,
Bunny

Haha, I basically agree with all of the other comments. It was seriously funny. But maybe too long? I thought you could have made it just as funny with a few less stanzas. It seems a little drawn out. It was very original, and I loved it!
-Anna