My Perfect Life

Let me lie to you.
Let me tell you about my perfect life,
Where everything’s dipped in chocolate,
& the cherry’s always right on top.
Where the reflection always smiles,
& the sunshine never stops.
Where hearts are never b r o k e n,
& tears are never cried.
Welcome to my perfect life.
Did I mention that I lied?

A little simple and i think a lot of people will feel like yeah i've heard it a million times but i think you also added a little fresh imagery to it and because you kept it short it doesn't get dragged down into the sameness of other poems on the topic.

It sort of grabs you, and makes you go 'yeah, I can relate to that'! It's good how it's short, because any longer and I might have criticized it! lol

I think this is my favorite poem I've read on this site so far. You really have a grasp on the power of words, so you don't need to use too many. In fact, I can address each line and not waste your time (I hope)

Let me lie to you. (I like that you tell me who I am as the audience- the person you are lying to)

Let me tell you about my perfect life, (I like the repetition of "let me", and how quickly you get to the point.)

Where everything’s dipped in chocolate, (A little too Willy-Wonka for my tastes)

& the cherry’s always right on top. (I wouldn't have thought of that, but it's perfect.)

Where the reflection always smiles, (I like the where/& flips, although I would spell out "and)

& the sunshine never stops (Nice assonance)

Where hearts are never b r o k e n, ( I LOVE the spacing here. Very cummings)

& tears are never cried. (I like your noun-verb pattern)

Welcome to my perfect life. (Good tie to the beginning)

Did I mention that I lied? ( "Did I mention" has an awkward rhythm. By-the-way would flow a bit better.)

: ) Thanks for giving me something short and sweet to read. :)

I have to agree, it was very sweet. What especially caught my eye was the spacing on 'broken', that was really creative.

It was good. Nothing especially life altering or exceptionally original, but you got the point across in a short, succinct manner. Nice.

Cute. And sweet, I reminded me of Shel Silverstien poems, with the rhyming ending. I also like 'b r o k e n' being spaced like that, very original.

i really like this poem..it was short but sweet.
the opening ("let me lie to you") really grabbed my attention..good job.

Yes, the first line realy does grab your attention, lol.

What I had a problem with were the ampersands (&). Do you have to use them? I can't imagine what effect they would be good for...

I basicly agree with everyone, especially the last part.

Where hearts are never b r o k e n
& tears are never cried.
Welcome to my perfect life.
Did I mention that I lied?

It flows really nicely and has a cool rhyme. But, yeah, the &'s are a little annoying.

Oh my gosh I am SO happy that all of you commented.. I am really smiling to myself, you made my day.. I thought NO ONE read what I wrote (lol) let alone like it.. and I'm very glad.. Sorry about the &'s, that's just an annoying habbit and I am obsessed with them.. I need to keep that in mind.. As for the "By the way, I lied".. I do think that sounds good. I'm so happy, seriously.. You don't even know. I appreciate everything you said - exspecially the pointers. Thanks!

Your welcome!

Thank YOU for the enjoyable read!

awww...

Yeah, thanks for posting this! it rocks!

Simple, but sweet. Very nice. I love your spacing of broken and I liked the little rhyme at the end. Nice job.

It SOUNDS nice, but it's really lacking in depth. REALLY. The poem's too short to have a repetition of "I lied."