My Perfect Life

Very good job, and I have one small crit.

The line and the sun never stops, seems to be a little off to me. Even just changing it to 'always shines' or something would add a lot to it.

Kudos, though, this poem is awesome.

I really really do like this. It does touch many people to read it...this seems to be something that happens to most everyone during at some point in their lives.

But...although dragging out the word "b r o k e n" adds emphasis...it's not very professional. It's cute for posting parts of the poem in your profile or something to add dramatic affect...but if you plan on doing anything else with it I would leave it as normal text.

Great job on content though, love it!

LiNdSeY07--


Please tell me this was a joke. It could hardly pass off as poetry (more like terrible prose with even worse linebreaks).

Don't be duped: just because people can relate to this doesn't make it poetry, nor does it make it good. You need to seriously review the basic mechanics of poetry if you're ever going to be more than Every Poet.


All the best,
Brad

I really liked this;

The fact that it was short made me soooooo happy.

The word b r o k e n written like that was clever,

The fact that you told us you were "lying" meant that we could picture all of these lovely images and then realise you didn't actually have them and so they were kinda snatched from reader.

Loved it, the dipped in chocolate thing made me start to crave what I really can't have
not fair.

Anyway, keep up the good work adnd... grrr... don't rise to brads stooopid comment.

lotsa love,

lexy xx