Orange Cat

She stalks,
She springs,
And with her brings
A breath of midnight air.

With prey in jaw
She turns toward home
To keep the ancient law.

Her eyes are green.
Her paws are white.
Her tail weaves side to side.
She waits for morning’s glow
Then to the roof she glides.

For cats have wings
Of song and prayer
Of hopes borne up to heaven.

Her lives are here,
But only seven?

Eek! This is so cute. *stars*

There are only three lines that don't really make sense with the rest of the poem:

She turns toward home
To keep the ancient law.

and

That’s two, you know, and seven.

For the first one, the word "home" seems out of place. Maybe if you change that word, everything else will be all right, but play around with that a little. It sounds a little awkward now.

And the last line sounds a little... well, it ends so brilliantly before. Maybe you can rearrange the line so that "heaven" is at the end. It'll be much prettier then.

Still! Lovely poem. So cute! Your friend must be very happy to be friends with such a lovely poet.

Stori wrote:She stalks.
She springs.
And with her brings
A breath of midnight air. This verse is doom for rhythm of the poem so far...
With prey in jaw
She turns toward home
To keep the ancient law. What do you mean by ancient? What do you mean by whole verse ?

Her eyes are green.
Her paws are white.
Her tail weaves side to side. White-side-glides--->this is not a rhyme...
She waits for morning’s glow
Then to the roof she glides. To the roof? I lost myself completely in this stanza.

For cats have wings
Of song and prayer Wings of prayer....hmmmm. I like that...it's a bit complicated but I like it.Although I don't know what connection has cat with that...
Of hopes borne up to heaven.

They carry nine lives within
That’s two, you know, and seven. God, did you try on purpose to make that horrible ending??? Even if you wanted to do that you wouldn't succeed.

The whole poem is about....1. Smart people who're going to heaven
2. A regular life
3. About an ordinary street cat?
4. You tell me please...

You're talking about ORANGE cat. Why is it orange? Colors I have felt in poem were white and green....why green?

Kyte/Stori, you don't know how refreshing it is to read this poem.

Unless the poet is really good, I like poems that don't pretend to be about anything more than what they are, and this poem is exactly that. You're not trying to compare the cat with socialism, or a dead mouse with the burnt out, decayed remains of one's life; it's just a poem about a cat and I enjoy that.

The only gripe I have with it is the last stanza; that last line in particular is incredibly odd, but more than that, there's no purpose to the last stanza.

Overall, I really liked this. Good flow, no hackneyed rhymes, and refreshing to read.

Hellooooo! My name is Hayley and I will be your reviewer for today!

I'll start with the first stanza and actually finish with it hehe if that makes sense 0_0

Stori wrote:She stalks.
She springs.
And with her brings
A breath of midnight air.

I love this first stanza as I think it has great words and the words you have used have been used in such a way that I can really picture it, this is my favorite stanza and a fantastic start to the poem, it explains simply what you are describing but without going into too much detail as that is what the rest of the poem is for, and speaking of the rest of the poem, I could not find any faults in it at all!

I absolutely love your writing style and strongly encourage you to write more of this style and keep on writing in general!

~ Hayley

Hey Stori--

I absolutely love this poem, because it is simple and sweet. And it could be vouched that there can never be enough poems about cats. The title says Orange Cat, and that's what we're given, a very concise telling of a cat and it's night out. I was so amused while reading it. I have an orange kitty and I can just see her like this, gliding and weaving as you describe. It's very pleasant imagery.

Anyway, as people have already stated, I just have an issue with the last stanza. The line "That’s two, you know, and seven" just seems kind of inane, not necessary at all - maybe instead keep with the simple tone and say that she has seven lives. So we know this prowling cat is getting up there with her numbers. It would read much better than what you have.

So cute though!

~ Clo

darko.demark666 wrote:

Stori wrote:She stalks.
She springs.
And with her brings
A breath of midnight air. This verse is doom for rhythm of the poem so far...
With prey in jaw
She turns toward home
To keep the ancient law. What do you mean by ancient? What do you mean by whole verse ?

Her eyes are green.
Her paws are white.
Her tail weaves side to side. White-side-glides--->this is not a rhyme...
She waits for morning’s glow
Then to the roof she glides. To the roof? I lost myself completely in this stanza.

For cats have wings
Of song and prayer Wings of prayer....hmmmm. I like that...it's a bit complicated but I like it.Although I don't know what connection has cat with that...
Of hopes borne up to heaven.

They carry nine lives within
That’s two, you know, and seven. God, did you try on purpose to make that horrible ending??? Even if you wanted to do that you wouldn't succeed.

The whole poem is about....1. Smart people who're going to heaven
2. A regular life
3. About an ordinary street cat?
4. You tell me please...

You're talking about ORANGE cat. Why is it orange? Colors I have felt in poem were white and green....why green?

um let me see....green eyes, white paws, orange cat....tiger huh?
the "orange" should have been your clue. lol


btw, i really liked it

I like this a lot. The first stanza is GORGEOUS, definitely my favorite. It has a swing to it, an escalation, like a cat leaping. I think, though, that I would make the periods after the first two lines commas, so there tone doesn't drop off there but pauses in order to build suspense. There's no complete stop as a cat readies itself to spring.

The last stanza was utterly pointless and should be dropped altogether in my opinion.

I love the "prey in jaw" line, just because you use 'jaw' instead of 'mouth'. But the rhyme with 'law' is very forced, and the rhythm isn't so good either, so I'd revise the "ancient law" line.

The second stanza is good, but the first three lines are simple and straightforward while the last two are more elegant and poetic-sounding. I'm not sure if I like that.

I like the title, but I think just plain "Cat" would have been even better at matching the simplicity and openness of the poem. That's just a personal preference, though.

Ok, there's some thoughts on the poem. It was a real treat to read, great job!
-BFG

Credit where it's due, cats! I'm Stori, back at last.

Hello there! Nice poem you've got here.



A few things I didn't understand, though:

1. The third line -- I think you're saying she brings the night air with her, but it's not very clear, grammatically.

2. The last stanza -- Seven? What? I'm confused. Why does she only have seven lives? Why is that a question?

3. The title is "Orange Cat", but how do we know by reading the poem?


Parts I liked:

1. The imagery -- 'tis very efficient. Nice metaphors, no floweriness, and nice motion.

2. The cat -- it's so adorable!