Prologue of my story

Thank you for all the critique! I would post my 30 pages, but I have no idea how to finish the prologue! I know what has to happen in it, but I just can't seem to write it.
I have five chapters I could post, but I feel like people would be confused if the prologue wasn't finished.

I really liked it, and all of my own critiques have all ready been mentioned, haha.

One thing I'll say though is go ahead and continue writing with your story. A prologue serves to foreshadow upcoming events, not give new events like a regular chapter. So keep writing your story, and when you think of something that will happen, go back to the prologue and put in some words - or sentences - that will (rawr, I need a synonym here) foreshadow it.

Lmao. I look forward to your continuations. =]

You really should not be nervous because this was really good. I really wish you had posted more, as everyone else said. Also you should find a title for it. I know that they can be a pain and you never think that the title you choose is good enough but it might draw more people to your righting. Remember you can always change it later if you find something better.

Well keep up the good work and hope to see more of your story.

Cait

I posted more.

The summer night was hauntingly still. Nothing moved, not even the leaves covering the surrounding trees.

That completely realed me in. You did a good job with your comparison:

A thin, mournful howl suddenly split the air, piercing through the silence like an arrow.

I'm assuming by this prologue, that the werewolves you are portraying are 'vegetarians'? As in, they only eat other animals apose to humans?

I'm eager to see where you are going with this. PM me when/if you write more.
Keep up the great work!

The summer night was hauntingly still. Nothing moved, not even the leaves covering the surrounding trees.

That completely realed me in. You did a good job with your comparison:

A thin, mournful howl suddenly split the air, piercing through the silence like an arrow.

I'm assuming by this prologue, that the werewolves you are portraying are 'vegetarians'? As in, they only eat other animals apose to humans?

I'm eager to see where you are going with this. PM me when/if you write more.
Keep up the great work!

Ok, first off, never ever be scared to post things. Especially if they're as good as this one. That's what we're all here for. Anyway, so far so good. Try to stay away stereotypical names for werewolves. (if that's what they are) Names such as Fang. I think too many animals with teeth are named Fang. It's just so...common. Sure, so far your story is GREAT, but maybe consider using different names. Ah, I'm so whiny. Ok, now post the entire prologue!

Wow. Dramatic.

You shouldn't feel nervous since (so far) it's a good story.

My only, very small, criticism, is that Fang "had" got himself into trouble rather than "has".

But do continue. If you want to move on with the story, I think you can. You've probably got enough of a prologue there, otherwise it will turn into a chapter.

well...what i want to say is that...it could be a bit better if you add some more description or some emotions to the text.

the part where the werewolf found out that he heard a howl, it would be better if you add some detailed description like what kind of smell he heard.

that is all i have to say.


though the idea is good,it just need some detailed description.

Cool, I like the way you create the atmosphere. Well here comes the hard/easy part of a review : the critique

Bane recognized his brother's howl at once. The smell of humans drifted through the air. Disgusting, thought Bane when

You already said Bane, people will (probably) know who is speaking, so I would put it like: Disgusting, he thought.

Also the prologue was perhaps not perfectly tied up, the end seemed like that of flipping a page. Try to end it in a more...ending way.

Otherwise no complaining...yet. Everything else has already been said. Keep up the good work

First paragraph was beautifully done, the words all flowed into one another nicely. ‘Suddenly’ is a word that can be used, but oft times shouldn’t. Someone once told me to show suddenly, rather than tell it, but that can be tricky, and involves using more words than I think you want to for this. I almost want to suggest the word ‘slipped’ as a substitute, but it’s not quite the same. It can convey a smoother image, if that’s okay. Or, if you still like the sudden image, maybe use a word like ‘ripped through’ in its place. Or just keep it how it is and get rid of ‘suddenly’. You *can* use it, but in this case, I think it detracts from your piece.

The rest was well done. Everything from the wording to the characters was near perfect. Grabs the reader’s attention. I know you say this isn’t the real end of the prologue, but you could do something else. I actually like how this ends, because the prologue is supposed to set the stage for the story. What happened before. So what you could do is divide your story into parts, and start each part with the next bit of the prologue. Just an idea, and it needs a certain type of prologue to be most effective. But still something to consider.

This was really good. You said that you were afraid to post this,...... well don't be. You have a good start to a possibly publishable story one day. I didn't see a whole lot of errors.

You fixed the all the things that had mistakes. I've read this story before, but I didn't post anything because i wanted to see if you posted the rest. All of your spelling mistakes got fixed. I didn't see any grammer issues.

I thought it was pretty good other than the fact,.......... YOU NEED TO POST THE REST!!!!!!!!!

The funny things is, I have posted chapter one, but people only critique this! XD

Everyone tells me to post more...
I did, but you won't read it.

Anyway, thanks again for the critique. I'm surprised people have responded so much... you are all really helpful!

Prologue (edited)

The summer night was hauntingly still. Nothing moved, not even the leaves covering the surrounding trees. A thin, mournful howl suddenly split the air, piercing through the silence like an arrow.

Bane recognized his brother's howl at once. The smell of humans drifted through the air. [i]Disgusting, he thought when he caught the scent. He lifted his head from the carcass of a freshly killed deer and sighed. What has Fang gotten himself into this time?

He began to sprint toward the direction of the howl. Bane had been running for less than a minute when he spied Fang, a silver dash in his peripheral vision. A split second later, a group of humans carrying torches raced after Fang.

Bane noticed the humans garments, and a chill raced up his spine. The men were completely garbed in black, except for the crest of the royal family, which was emblazoned in silver on their shirts. They were demon hunters. Their purpose was to kill werewolves. If they caught Fang...

Total lack of character descriptions really kill this for readers. You also need to describe the environment more, three sentences just don't do the job.

Smell of humans, how do humans smell? Use that instead.

More detail on his kill and meal.

Detail the sprint, where was it? How far? Never give clockwork time, be natural and following.

Change a group of humans to something more fitting, and expand their descriptions. Even if it is an angry mob, give them defining traits and a key appearance, especially from rabble-rousers to a clear leader.

Don't tell us the plot points, show us.

[/quote]The funny things is, I have posted chapter one, but people only critique this! XD

Everyone tells me to post more...
I did, but you won't read it. [quote]

Same thing with my chapter two... but I'll review your chapter one first thing in the morning ...well first thing after breakfast that is