My notebook

I'm not going to go in depth here June. This is a very good piece; it's very accessible... probably because this is a writer's community.

I just wanted to comment on the rhyming thing. I actually thought that 'blank' and 'ink' worked very well. Rhyme doesn't have to be perfect. Near-rhyme is an acknowledged style. (it's also sometimes called 'slant-rhyme' like Explosive_Pen said)
The problem, though, is maintaining consistency. "Unfinished drawings" and "Fill in the margins" also have near-rhyme. But they are the A lines in your ABAB form, whereas 'blank' and 'ink' are on the B lines. These are also the only cases of near rhyme in the poem, although "poetry" and "story" come close enough for you to pull it off. I would just suggest if it would be possible for you to find a way to make the first stanza: near-rhyme;perfect;near-rhyme;perfect, like the other stanzas instead of: perfect;near-rhyme;perfect;near-rhyme. Is that confusing? Sorry. PM me if you have a question.

One other note: I love Jon (wisemann) to death, and he knows it, but I have to, surprisingly to myself, disagree with pretty much everything he said. *hides* I'm sorry! I just feel like making any of those changes would make it too wordy. The word choices you made, June, I thought fit the poem perfectly.


One last little nit-pick.
"In a flurry of pages
And spaces blank;
Various stages
Of works in ink." I would replace the semi-colon with "and". Otherwise you have fragments, and I felt like that was the way the ideas were meant to join in any case.

*gold-stars*

Lovely job June!

Hi, June! The table have turned, now I am the one reviewing your piece! Here I go;

In a flurry of pages

And spaces blank;

Various stages

Of works in ink.

You start the second line with 'and'. I know, I should really put this in my signature because I say this to everyone;
I wouldn't start a line with 'and' or 'but'.
Try changing the 'and' to some. It's just a suggestion.
Also, 'blank' and 'ink' don't really rhyme. I did like the use of those words, though, so I wouldn't change it. Just pointing it out.

An incomplete story,

Scribbled in haste;

Lines of poetry,

Left to waste.

Speechless.

Unfinished drawings,

And wise mens' quotes;

Fill in the margins,

Of pages I've wrote.

Again, you start a line with 'and'. Try changing that 'and' to 'many'.

Wow. This is better than any poem I've written so far. Awesome job. On that third stanza, I was in shock. Huzzah, for the greatest stanza of all!

[spoiler]13/10! That third stanza sent your rating Over The Edge! [/spoiler]

Hi,

I'm not going to nit-pick, pretty much everything that needs fixing was already said. Overall I liked this poem. It was quick, simple and well written. You put to words how writing is for most of us. I'd say that my favorite line is

An incomplete story,

Scribbled in haste;

Lines of poetry,

Left to waste.

Again, this was lovely

I loved this poem!
It's simple yet very interesting and well written. I liked the way you used blank to rhyme with ink. I thought it work rather well! It seems like you've written it in five minutes but I think that that is actually very effective! It goes with the theme of the poem! I love how every line seems to flow into the next and everything about the poem seems so natural. There were a few flaws, for example the rhyming scheme in the poem but except for that I can definitely say that I relate to this poem well which makes me happy
Great poem! I can't wait to read another one!

Meg x-x

I love this!

It's such a simple subject but it's so effective!

I've already commented on this but I would like to comment some more. (Yes, I am a freak)

I'm not sure what gave you the idea to write about this but it's such an original and clever idea whick makes it a brilliant poem!

One thing I must say though is to try and not start a line beginning with 'And'. It isn't majorly important but try and put another word there for next time!

Well done once again! I can't wait to read more of your poems!

Meg x-x

Hey June!
I'm Jordan.
I really like the second paragraph. It was so powerful in just a three stanzas.
I think it would've been better if it were longer, but other than that I thought it was terrific.
I know, short critique.
Keep Writing!

Juniper wrote:In a flurry of pages
And spaces blank;

blank spaces seems to work a little bit here, no?

Juniper wrote:Various stages
Of works in ink.

These are various stages of works of ink? It makes more sense, because then you have a subject noun.

Juniper wrote:An incomplete story,
Scribbled in haste;

that's scribbled in haste

Juniper wrote:Lines of poetry,
Left to waste.

I don't think there is a comma after poetry

Juniper wrote:Unfinished drawings,
And wise mens' quotes;

Maybe you could just try wise man quotes of the second line

Juniper wrote:Fill in the margins,
Of pages I've wrote.

Great ending! June, this poem was amazing. I'm sorry I didn't write more or be more helpful, but I like the idea and it's just wow Work on that sentence structure - and you'll have an amazing masterpiece

Aside from inconsistencies in rhyme (blank & ink), there's nothing more i can say about it. I just LOVE it! :] Keep Writing!

Hi June.

I really enjoyed this. Your imagery's lovely. I especially liked;

"In a flurry of pages".

Stanza two is perfect- the flow is flawless, and again the imagery is great.

It winds down nicely in the end, but "left to waste" seems a touch anticlimactic. It fits well into the stanza, but I think maybe you could think of something stronger to reflect the stray, orphaned lines which won't be used, even though they seemed so wonderful at first.

I'd get rid of the semicolon as I don't think you need it. "I've wrote" isn't quite right. Maybe try "the pages I wrote."

Hope this helps.

Jas

*gold star*

June! Hey I'm excited, so let's cut to the chase!
I thought this was a brilliant work - short, and definitely sweet. Nice little poem with a wonderful personal touch. No criticism. Period

i think everyone in YWS can connect to this. its simple and good. not too much 2 report besides that. i believe somebody already mentioned the first rhyme which i only realized was forced after so on first impression i didn't even notice. but besides that well written.