Wow, that was funny- especially the charlie scene. The gun part is the only part I wasn't a real fan of, but then the part about Charlie and the gun was funny... so mixed emotions. Oh, and I liked the part where he apologized for the pencil incident- I literally lol'd
Hehe, I found it amusing, as logn as I ignored the whole THIS IS FROM TWILIGHT thing...other than that, I loved it. I turned off my obsession...teehee.
Ok, I love Stephanie Meyer and worship the paper she writes on, but I won't lie; this was amusing.
There, pat on the back done.
It's pretyt hard to critique something that is entirely dialogue, but I'll try anyways.
The shooting? No. Even if you HAD to leave it in there (which you don't, it's uneeded violence), he definitely didn't need to shoot her 3 times. Also, since there is no descriptions, we are kinda suprised to realise he has a gun, maybe consider going back and adding the scene where she has just moved in with her dad and maybe he tells her about losing the gun, thus you can build up their relaitonship (her thinking he's stupid and all) so it doesn't suprise people later.
Other thing, after all random acts of violence, you kind of drop things. He shoots her...and leaves her there? He stabs her with a pencil...and what? She just ignores him? You leave alot of the scenes open, so we end up having to peice together what happens from the things they say later. Which maybe was your goal, but it is kind of distracting. Even a little "M: OMG Bella! You're bleeding! I'll call an ambulance as soon as I get my report to the teacher. Don't move!" would help close the scene off better and give it a finished feeling.
=P S'all I got.
I'm like that song stuck in your head; I come and I go, but never truly dissapear.
I love the Twilight series, but I'm also a sucker for bad humor!
So, quite simply, I ADORED this! Really funny, short, and random. I just finished Eclipse (so much vampire drama) that it's refreshing to see something like this. And you know what I say to Bella? BWAHAHA, he shot you! Sorry, I just don't like Bella's drama that much. it's funny how Edward keeps getting her name wrong. And the pencil thing...
LOL! I bow down to you for writing this. I've always hated this series with a passion and this was amazing. I was laughing so hard through most of it. Thanks for that. My day needed to be brightened.
"The things that we're frightened of, or told to be frightened of, are not necessarily the things that we need to fear."
-Michael Moore
Ummm...okay, that was entirely stupid! Yeah, it's supposed to be humorous, but omg!! This is effin retarded! (*takes heart out of me* Ah, Stephanie! I'm sorry all of this happened!)
"Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of the presbytery." Timothy 4:14 KJV
Hey, either you like it or you don't, but in all fairness, I did put in two warnings for Stephenie Meyer fans. And hey, at least criticize while you put down (my soft spot's scratched!).
"...some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright." -The Shawshank Redemption
C: With a gun. He's the last person I'd mess with.
B: You're the sheriff.
C: Without a gun! What do you think I am, stupid? <<I agree!>>
AHHHHHH! LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL! I FREAKIN LOVE THIS..for all those peeps who are all..OMG you ripped my soul out I can't belive you would do this or in the words of AyumiGosu17 "effin retarded" get a life it is just supposed to be funny..writing is supposed to be about what you want to say not what others think..so yeah btw she put TWO warnings about it and if you are that much of a Stephanie Meyer fan you wouldn't ahve read it or commented on it..that wasn't the point of this anyways back to what I was saying
OMG THAT WAS FREAKIN AWESOME..admittedly I do like the second one more but this was still ridiculously funny...I'm no fan of the books either..because I don't like the way Bella is most of the time..but I still read them..and I still think this was good..
You could add more to it.. like I don't know how to say it but like so we get the character's emmotions more..idk
All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, and I promise you something great will come of it.
I have my 'wtf...?' expression right now. The words explain pretty much how I look like.
Err. Sort of immature, but it is sort of funny. In that idiotic way. I'm not prejudiced against you because of this.
Have you ever thought about emailing this to her? Stephenie Meyer, I mean.
--Seree.
"Video games don't affect kids. If Pacman had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills, and listening to repetitive electronic music." --anonymous/banner.
Ehhh....it was pretty funny I'll admit, and like everyone else I love Stephanie Meyer, but the gun thing just got old. I really think it would have been funnier if you mentioned it in the first couple of scenes maybe and then never mentioned it again except maybe in passing, like "Oh yeah, I shot that chick....oh well, whatevs". After awhile it was just like "Ok, you shot her, we get it." You could expand this more and make it all that much funnier.
I loved this!! Don't get me wrong, I love Stephenie Meyer, but this was just hilarious. Keep it up! 
