FREAKY SPAGHETTI

Snoink · 2007-08-19T00:17:45Z

FREAKY SPAGHETTI …because we all love titles with all caps! Anyway! Enter characters! DANNY – Lovable oaf BETH – Bartender SADIE – The Star! RANDOM GUY 1 RANDOM GUY 2 RANDOM GUY 25 CLAUDIO – The sheriff THE MAN WITH NO NAME – Mysterious dude JACOB – Record signer CAROLINA – psychotic dudess. PEARL CHRISTIAN ACT I SCENE I At rise: it is set in a bar in a western. BETH is wiping the counter and DANNY is talking to her. DANNY I think I love you! BETH Um… why are you saying this? DANNY Because it is a catchy line that sizzles of sexual tension and makes it clear that I am a prick, thus making my character have a flaw. BETH Oh. DANNY So what do you say, Snookums? BETH Snookums? DANNY You like to play hard to get, don’t you? BETH Nah, I just think you’re silly. DANNY But in a sexy way? Enter Sadie. SADIE The star has arrived! Blows kisses. Wait… where is everybody? DANNY The author was too lazy to put anyone else in. BETH I thought the budget didn’t allow it? SADIE But! We’re in a sleazy bar! I thought I was supposed to be the star and sing to billions of adoring fans! DANNY Um… BETH You can sing to us. SADIE One hundred bottles of… DANNY AND BETH Not that song! Suddenly, THE AUTHOR gets writer’s block and puts about twenty-five drunken people in the room in a wonderful example of deus ex machina. DANNY What the…? SADIE Yay! People! Runs off to sing. Look at me…. I’m as helpless as a kitten in a…OUCH! Bottles get thrown at her. DANNY Hm. You wouldn’t think drunk people would be able to discern bad singing that well. BETH I thought she sounded good. DANNY You would. RANDOM GUY 1 I’m drunk! RANDOM GUY 2 I’m cheating at cards! RANDOM GUY 3 I have a gun! Shoots RANDOM GUY 2. EVERYONE Oh noes! RANDOM GUY 25 The sheriff ain’t going to like this… DANNY Sheriff? BETH Is he nice? DANNY Um… Then, in another crafty plot twist, the sheriff, CLAUDIO, comes in. Everyone goes silent. CRICKETS Chirp! CLAUDIO I’m the sheriff in town. BETH No you’re not. CLAUDIO What? BETH Officially, this “town” is a city. So you’re the sheriff in this city. Except, I thought sheriffs served the entire county, so technically you should be the sheriff of the county. DANNY My head hurts. RANDOM GUY 2 My head hurts too! CLAUDIO Shoots RANDOM GUY 2. RANDOM GUY 2 Woe! Alas! I am dead now! SADIE You can’t do that to him! CLAUDIO Ow! My eardrums! Did a banshee just scream? SADIE You killed him! CLAUDIO Ugh, your voice is too annoying—I must arrest you for disturbing the peace. DANNY But that doesn’t make sense. CLAUDIO What? DANNY She can’t help that she sounds like a howler monkey. CLAUDIO Shoots DANNY and blows off his arm. That’s what you get for taking the law into your own hands. DANNY Owie! I’m unarmed! EVERYONE Groans. RANDOM GUY 2 That was terrible. BETH Wait, aren’t you supposed to be dead? RANDOM GUY 2 Oh, sorry. CLAUDIO Now follow me, little girl. I have to show you who’s sheriff of this town… BETH County. CLAUDIO ...county, sorry, and sic the lizards on you. EVERYONE NOT THE LIZARDS! THE MAN WITH NO NAME I won’t let you do that. CLAUDIO Who are you? THE MAN WITH NO NAME Wait, let me check the script. Looks at script. Crap! RANDOM GUY 2 What’s the matter? THE MAN WITH NO NAME According to this, I have no name. RANDOM GUY 2 Aww... sucks for you. DANNY Dammit, why can’t you just die? CLAUDIO Why can’t you just die? DANNY Because I’m hot and I’m supposed to be the cute one. CLAUDIO Well, let’s see whether this makes you cuter! Bang! Bang! Shoots randomly at DANNY. DANNY Ouch! But I am still alive! CLAUDIO How about now? Shoots more. DANNY Yep. Still alive. CLAUDIO Now? Shoots more. DANNY I feel dandy! CLAUDIO AHHH! MY LIFE IS FULL OF ANGST AND WOE. THE MAN WITH NO NAME Uh… the story is supposed to center around me. DANNY That’s what you think, buster. But obviously, I’m the cutest one and so therefore I get the story centered around me. BETH Actually… I think it’s about me and how I have sex with random guys. DANNY AND CLAUDIO AND THE MAN WITH NO NAME Ooooooooooooooooo… SADIE But… what about my singing career? Enter Jacob. JACOB I’ll sign you! SADIE Yay! CLAUDIO Okay… now what did you have to say about sex again? BETH Um… Enter Carolina. CAROLINA Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She guns down everyone with a machine gun and then runs off, leaving a pile of mangled bodies. She kills everyone except... RANDOM GUY 2 I’m still alive! DANNY Shut up! Suddenly, in another wonderful example of deus ex machina, the AUTHOR makes a 100 ton unicorn fall on everyone, killing DANNY and RANDOM GUY 2. Two other people emerge from the wreckage though… PEARL Where are we? CHRISTIAN Don’t ask.

thedelphinater

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Tue Jan 13, 2009 2:53 am

thedelphinater says... · Tue Jan 13, 2009 2:53 am

Wow. This is so completely random and ridiculous (and freaky) it shouldn't make any sense at all, but somehow, it does. I guess it makes sense ia=n a comedic way. T'was really funny. I was basically laughing like a psychopath the entire time!

So it goes.

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Belle

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Sun Feb 15, 2009 12:20 am

Belle says... · Sun Feb 15, 2009 12:20 am

Snoink!!

Oh. My. Goodness.

What hilarious fun. I told Griffinkeeper that "Halloweentime with our Favorite Scintillating Vampire" was great, so he sent me the link to this. And now that I have been sucked into the wonderful writing vortex that is YWS (yay!!), I can officially say GREAT JOB. Sometimes things are funniest when they're said aloud and blatantly to the point. And randomness? Whew, don't get me started! It's too much fun. I don't know FREAK, so I can't say how the characters were manipulated, but I'm pretty sure you did them all comedic justice!

(Remember last quarter when you told me "Let's make fun of Twilight"???)

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"I'M A LIZARD!"
-Snoink

Gotta love it. You just gotta.

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mikepyro

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Fri Feb 20, 2009 5:06 am

mikepyro says... · Fri Feb 20, 2009 5:06 am

I must say I had an absolute blast reading this piece, one of the funniest I'd read in a while. The humor never seems forced or set up, though I must admit I didn't catch the final joke. Random Guy 2 was fabulous. You manage to lamoon the brilliant Spaghetti Westerns while at the same time showing a deep respect for these films.

I grew up watching the old spaghettis, this brings back memories, albeit wildly distorted ones, but memories nonetheless.

good work snoink. I see why you deserve the title of King Pig.

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mimimac

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Wed Mar 04, 2009 6:33 pm

mimimac says... · Wed Mar 04, 2009 6:33 pm

hahahhaaa
H I L A R I O U S
honestly! I loved the complete and utter random-ness of it. My fave character was random guy 2 because he just kept coming back to life and bugging everyone! I loved the line:

DANNY
Because it is a catchy line that sizzles of sexual tension and makes it clear that I am a prick, thus making my character have a flaw.

Great job snoink!
xxmimixx

-mors aut honorabilis vita-

Forget the prince with a horse, I want a vampire with a volvo.

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Tree

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Tue Mar 10, 2009 12:30 am

Tree says... · Tue Mar 10, 2009 12:30 am

HA HA HAHA A HAH AHA AHAH AH HZAH HA HAH AH AHA HAH AHA AH A HAHAH AHAHA THAT WAS SO FUNNY! Sorry i had a big laff attack. I LIKE ALL THE KILLING!I really enjoyed the ending. good good good good good good good good good good good good job, Snoink. I REALLY REALLY LIKED IT.

TREE

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lukas8u

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Thu Mar 12, 2009 1:10 am

lukas8u says... · Thu Mar 12, 2009 1:10 am

If I had yet to see an example of worthless words for points, then I just found it.
Great Play anyways. It's gone on under so much editing already, (that's what 3 pages worth of it does) so there isn't anything to say.

Gold star.

Political blog, (with a liberal lean)
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gsppcrocks10

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Fri Jul 24, 2009 4:43 am

gsppcrocks10 says... · Fri Jul 24, 2009 4:43 am

I LOVE THIS! Best script EVER! *Starts plotting to turn script into amature video to put on YouTube*

Just another quack spouting psychobabble.

"If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm mad. That's the way history is written."

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irishfire

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Fri Jul 24, 2009 11:43 pm

irishfire says... · Fri Jul 24, 2009 11:43 pm

I love it! I love all your scripts, they're just awesome!

My favorite line in the entire thing:

RANDOM GUY 2
I’m still alive!

DANNY
Shut up!

Love it! Keep up the awesome work

-Irish

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. - Robert McCloskey

Teacher: What do we, in the U.S enjoy from places like Mexico?
Student: Wait, legally?

WARNING: This user carries a spatula.

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LowKey

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Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:02 am

LowKey says... · Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:02 am

So now that I've actually *read* FREAK...

Too Funny!

DANNY

She can’t help that she sounds like a howler monkey.

CLAUDIO

Shoots DANNY and blows off his arm. That’s what you get for taking the law into your own hands.

DANNY

Owie! I’m unarmed!

Buh-dum crash.

Also, "I'm still alive!" = best dialog line ever.

Man With No Name... such an interesting character. I wonder who he could possibly be...

Necropolis SB / Necropolis DT

Once was Dreamer, is now LowKey_Lyesmith.

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

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Snoink

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Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:12 am

Snoink says... · Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:12 am

LOL! Yeah... there are a ridiculous amount of spoilers in here, aren't there? XD

Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic!

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skutter11

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Thu Mar 04, 2010 2:05 pm

skutter11 says... · Thu Mar 04, 2010 2:05 pm

Um, I don't get it

"Madness rides the Star wind"

HP Lovecraft. Ironic, no?

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seeker742

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Thu Mar 18, 2010 3:17 am

seeker742 says... · Thu Mar 18, 2010 3:17 am

lol the was great

LIVE TO BE FREE EVERYDAY OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!:)

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Sins

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Mon Mar 29, 2010 1:51 pm

Sins says... · Mon Mar 29, 2010 1:51 pm

hahaha!

This is actually IMENSE!
It was so weird it was hilarious! Seriously well done!
I would start critiquing, but I didn't notice anything negative... I was too, busy laughing. Anyway, knowing you, everything's probably perfect.

Once again... hahahahahaha!
I'm so looking out for more of your scripts from now on!

xoxo Skins

I didn't know what to put here so I put this.

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ToritheMonster

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Mon Mar 29, 2010 10:56 pm

ToritheMonster says... · Mon Mar 29, 2010 10:56 pm

*gahhhh*
*takes deep breath*

That was hilarious. Kudos to you.

Honey, you should see me in a crown.

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ultraviolet

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Fri Apr 16, 2010 3:59 am

ultraviolet says... · Fri Apr 16, 2010 3:59 am

This was SERIOUSLY FUNNY!!! Normally when I think something like this is funny, I laugh on the inside. But when I read this I almost couldn't because I am on my bed with my laptop on me, and it kept moving 'cause I was laughing.

SERIOUSLY FUNNY!!!

:elephant:

LOVE --ULTRAVIOLET

"Blah blah blah. You feel trapped in your life. Here is what I am hearing: happiness isn't worth any inconvenience."

~asofterworld.com

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