I hope you're not tired of hearing this, but it was really good. I especially liked the hide and seek analogy. The part that confused me was the part where, I'm assuming, Kayla is at school. I thought she would be having the abortion before school, not during school, since Kayla mentioned later that her mother asked Kayla why she was going to school early. However, you also talked about a bell, which I thought was the bell signaling the start of school, and kids running to the classrooms. Did she have the abortion during or before school? Other than that, I really liked the story.
oh my god areida....that was amazing....you are amazing at emotions.... i felt the emotion and love the point of view you wrote it on...i think you could easily get it published
"There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around."
Without sensibility no object would be given to us, without understanding no object would be thought. Thoughts without content are empty, intuitions without concepts are blind.
emotion_less-- It happened right as school was beginning. She was running a bit late. But no, I never get tired of hearing people say they like what I write. Thanks for reading.
nickelpickle-- Wow, thank you...that's such a compliment.
Arvy-- Thanks. What specifically was confusing?
Got YWS?
"Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed we possessed."
- Dale Carnegie
Gah, this was sad. I was able to hold off the tears until I read the final verse--that was a hard-hitter. I liked the emotion behind the narrator, especially that it was so closely tied to its mother, physically and emotionally. Such a stark contrast with the mother...
Excellent job as usual.
i thought you were shallow, but then i fell in deep.
Suddenly, the feeling of security is gone and replaced with one of fear. What is going to happen?
Why does she feel that way? Expand a little more. Other than that... [insert what everyone else said.]
Such a sad piece of work...
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
I thought I'd already posted on this, but apparently not. I just thought I'd drop by and tell you how much I loved this. It really put an interesting point of view on this subject and I loved how you ended it. Really, great job.
The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello Boo. SPEW is watching.
Wow. thats an extreamly powerful peice. Almost set us off crying (by us i mean myself and 2 other hostel girls who i am currently sharing the computer room with) There was only one thing....The whole time Bubba didnt seem to fully grasp everything which is understandable considering baby can not see but then you say "the Van" how does baby know her/his mummys in a van when nobody says van? and doesn't it say that its a bus (a bit before it)
other than that its so great! Really you should get it turned into an anti abortion campain thing, it would work wonders!
=D>
Trying to survive "sweet sixteen."
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<love> is sweet -suicide- and {[you]} are my LATEST a.t.t.e.m.p.t
Nah... it's a short enough sentence not to need it.
But!
DO NOT USE THIS FOR AN ANTI-ABORTION CAMPAIGN.
Seriously... if you purposely knew that this was a prolife message and you were prochoice, the first thing that would happen would be that your mind closes permanently. No matter how good this story is, people will begin to say it's horribly stupid. And why? Because the message seems to be in a prepackaged box. The reason why the story is good is that, when it finally gets around to the message, you're so sucked into the story that you can't get out.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
LOL! Of course not. Grammar can be broken and will be broken, but it needs to be skillfully done.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
