Thought I'd try again

My last poem wasn't greatly received, so here goes.

Take away my freedom
Lock me in a box
Keep me against my will
With a thousand locks

Do you even care
What I say anymore
Why must you sigh and tell me
You've heard it all before?

Feeling so alone now
Just thinking all the time
Trying to find a reason
Talking only in rhyme

Was I like this in the past
Now I can't even tell
Did you do this to me
Or was I destined for hell?

Agreed, this is good!

Thanks guys.

Very encouraging.

Keep up this great work!

I love it! It rhymes beautifully and conveys a message. Great!
~Skye Demon

I like the idea behind this, but I am greatly opposed to rhyming in poetry (personal taste issue). I feel that often times it can deplete the energy of the piece. Poetry doesn't need to rhyme to be good, and it feels like in your case it's rhyming just for the sake of the rhymes...they serve no purpose in the piece except to maintain the sing-song rhythm (something I also have strong issues with).

Rhymes should serve a purpose...to create a strong emphasis on a certain word or idea that the poet wants to highlight.

Like I said, I really like the images this evokes, but I think it could be stronger if you kept the theme and eliminated the rhyme scheme....

I usually hate rhyning in poetry too, but this rhyming did have a point. Read the last line of the third stanza! Anyway, I thought the poem was good. Keep it up!

I really liked it. The third verse I thought was perhaps your weakest. Maybe you should revise the last line of that part.

You had good rythem. The intent was clear. The subject made me stop and think. (That's a good thing.) You should keep it up. nice job.

i loved the ending "Or was I destined for hell?" good job! *gives a thumbs up*

I just want to point out that this poem is slightly more than three years old and that the member is no longer active on YWS.