Fantasy Novelists Exam

Hahaha... it's sad. Boredom is a beautiful thing, no?

Just be glad you don't get my myspace bulletins, LOL.

The Exam

1. Does nothing happen in the first fifty pages?
Of course not! As a matter of fact, there's so much happening that it's mind boggling! I mean, adventurous souls, teen angst, plots, and more teen angst? Plus the wide array of characters! No, there's plenty going on in those first 50 pages...

2. Is your main character a young farmhand with mysterious parentage?
Heck no. The main character is a small dragon creature with a strong yearning for some first-hand intellegence on the human world.

3. Is your main character the heir to the throne but doesn't know it?
Hmm? Maybe.

4. Is your story about a young character who comes of age, gains great power, and defeats the supreme badguy?
Possibly... But that kind of story never *really* gets old.

5. Is your story about a quest for a magical artifact that will save the world?
No, no, no!

6. How about one that will destroy it?
No, no, no! What does this look like, Lord of the Rings?

7. Does your story revolve around an ancient prophecy about "The One" who will save the world and everybody and all the forces of good?
I admit it, there is a prophecy in it... and... yeah, that about sums it up. Not quite, but close enough.

8. Does your novel contain a character whose sole purpose is to show up at random plot points and dispense information?
Jeffery Smigens! And the Magician. And the maiden showing up in dreams. Classic.


9. Does your novel contain a character that is really a god in disguise?
No gods.

10. Is the evil supreme badguy secretly the father of your main character?
No, this is not Star Wars... besides, that would be awkward!

11. Is the king of your world a kindly king duped by an evil magician?
Oh no, not at all. Even in number III of the series, definitely no.

12. Does "a forgetful wizard" describe any of the characters in your novel?
No... how about "coniving creepy wizard guy?" That'd be more like it.

13. How about "a powerful but slow and kind-hearted warrior"?
Noo, all of them are pretty darn ready to kill people. Or they attempt to kill people and fail.

14. How about "a wise, mystical sage who refuses to give away plot details for his own personal, mysterious reasons"?
Yeah, the phoenix.

15. Do the female characters in your novel spend a lot of time worrying about how they look, especially when the male main character is around?
Aburn! But that's it really. And considering the about of gorgeous babes, only one person means a lot.

16. Do any of your female characters exist solely to be captured and rescued?
Aburn!

17. Do any of your female characters exist solely to embody feminist ideals?
Charlie, Moonfang, Mallin (who, coincidentally, was originally a guy until we edited it O_o), etc.

18. Would "a clumsy cooking wench more comfortable with a frying pan than a sword" aptly describe any of your female characters?
Jess almost burned down the house... so no. They are unskilled with a skillit.

19. Would "a fearless warrioress more comfortable with a sword than a frying pan" aptly describe any of your female characters?
Moonfang. Although, considering her pathetic attempts at killing our main character, you wouldn't guess it at first.

20. Is any character in your novel best described as "a dour dwarf"?
Thorden. Moving on.

21. How about "a half-elf torn between his human and elven heritage"?
Not in #1. Not in #2. And definitely no half elf-humans in #3 (close call, actually...)

22. Did you make the elves and the dwarves great friends, just to be different?
For #3, the dwarves are hardly mentioned so far, but it depends what race of elves you're talking about, because they are allies with one of the species.

23. Does everybody under four feet tall exist solely for comic relief?
Yep. That's right! But according to the wise one, "almost all the characters exist for comic relief."

24. Do you think that the only two uses for ships are fishing and piracy?
No, they're for stomping when Godzilla comes into town. Yes, this is part of the story.

25. Do you not know when the hay baler was invented?
Say wha?

26. Did you draw a map for your novel which includes places named things like "The Blasted Lands" or "The Forest of Fear" or "The Desert of Desolation" or absolutely anything "of Doom"?
No, but that would be totally hilarious!

27. Does your novel contain a prologue that is impossible to understand until you've read the entire book, if even then?
Never! Down with prologues!

28. Is this the first book in a planned trilogy?
We were planning it to go to 4 or 5, but we're still in 3 sooo... we'll see how it goes.

29. How about a quintet or a decalogue?
There ya are.

30. Is your novel thicker than a New York City phone book?
Added up and put together, I'm sure they'd rival it.

31. Did absolutely nothing happen in the previous book you wrote, yet you figure you're still many sequels away from finishing your "story"?
No. Although 2 wasn't the greatest, it wasn't completely useless.

32. Are you writing prequels to your as-yet-unfinished series of books?
for #3, technically the "prequel" came first, and I stole my characters from them and smushed them into a new story. SO no.

33. Is your name Robert Jordan and you lied like a dog to get this far?
No.

34. Is your novel based on the adventures of your role-playing group?
YES!

35. Does your novel contain characters transported from the real world to a fantasy realm?
Pretty much. But that's great!

36. Do any of your main characters have apostrophes or dashes in their names?
No, not really.

37. Do any of your main characters have names longer than three syllables?
Nope.

38. Do you see nothing wrong with having two characters from the same small isolated village being named "Tim Umber" and "Belthusalanthalus al'Grinsok"?
NO, those are stupid names!

39. Does your novel contain orcs, elves, dwarves, or halflings?
Just elves and dwarves... and not even the elves at first.

40. How about "orken" or "dwerrows"?
Huh? No.

41. Do you have a race prefixed by "half-"?
No, we like to keep it simple.

42. At any point in your novel, do the main characters take a shortcut through ancient dwarven mines?
No.

43. Do you write your battle scenes by playing them out in your favorite RPG?
Nope.

44. Have you done up game statistics for all of your main characters in your favorite RPG?
Huh? NO!

45. Are you writing a work-for-hire for Wizards of the Coast?
No.

46. Do inns in your book exist solely so your main characters can have brawls?
Hehe, no we use helicopters crashing through roofs for no apparent reason.

47. Do you think you know how feudalism worked but really don't?
We didn't use that sort of junk for the fantasy based in the real world.

48. Do your characters spend an inordinate amount of time journeying from place to place?
Not really.

49. Could one of your main characters tell the other characters something that would really help them in their quest but refuses to do so just so it won't break the plot?
Oh definitely. How much easier it would've been if they'd only known

50. Do any of the magic users in your novel cast spells easily identifiable as "fireball" or "lightning bolt"?
What about water sprinklers?

51. Do you ever use the term "mana" in your novel?
No.

52. Do you ever use the term "plate mail" in your novel?
NO.

53. Heaven help you, do you ever use the term "hit points" in your novel?
:-O NO!

54. Do you not realize how much gold actually weighs?
Yep, that's why the characters only sleep on it.

55. Do you think horses can gallop all day long without rest?
No, and the story hasn't really used horses anyway.

56. Does anybody in your novel fight for two hours straight in full plate armor, then ride a horse for four hours, then delicately make love to a willing barmaid all in the same day?
Close, but not quite. We're minus the barmaid.

57. Does your main character have a magic axe, hammer, spear, or other weapon that returns to him when he throws it?
No. He doesn't really need that stuff.

58. Does anybody in your novel ever stab anybody with a scimitar?
Wouldn't that be cool? But not yet.

59. Does anybody in your novel stab anybody straight through plate armor?
We had a character impaled all the way through his stomach survive. But that post got edited.

60. Do you think swords weigh ten pounds or more? [info]
Wit Zel's, yeah.

61. Does your hero fall in love with an unattainable woman, whom he later attains?
Classic! Well, it was supposed to be that way, but nooooO.

62. Does a large portion of the humor in your novel consist of puns?
Never! That's not punny.

63. Is your hero able to withstand multiple blows from the fantasy equivalent of a ten pound sledge but is still threatened by a small woman with a dagger?
Poor little blighter, he's such a weakling. One measly plant and he's down for the count.

64. Do you really think it frequently takes more than one arrow in the chest to kill a man?
I think it all depends on where in the chest!

65. Do you not realize it takes hours to make a good stew, making it a poor choice for an "on the road" meal?
But with the handy dandy battery powered portable back pack crock pots, it's made all the more easier.

66. Do you have nomadic barbarians living on the tundra and consuming barrels and barrels of mead?
Nope/

67. Do you think that "mead" is just a fancy name for "beer"?
Not really.

68. Does your story involve a number of different races, each of which has exactly one country, one ruler, and one religion?
Everything's kind of spread out, so not really.

69. Is the best organized and most numerous group of people in your world the thieves' guild?
No.

70. Does your main villain punish insignificant mistakes with death?
We don't really have a main villain, persay.

71. Is your story about a crack team of warriors that take along a bard who is useless in a fight, though he plays a mean lute?
Hell no!

72. Is "common" the official language of your world?
Nope, English is. Because we haven't createst any other language.

73. Is the countryside in your novel littered with tombs and gravesites filled with ancient magical loot that nobody thought to steal centuries before?
Nope.

74. Is your book basically a rip-off of The Lord of the Rings?
No.

75. Read that question again and answer truthfully.
Still no.

Wow. Nice and long, lol.

-elein

P.S. Interestin story you've got there... though I normally don;t pick up anything that isn't a rip off of LOTR, lol

72. Is "common" the official language of your world?
Nope, English is. Because we haven't createst any other language.

*coughs* Urethian? And, coincidentally, that language was made when I smashed my fist into the keyboard!

I'm so glad they mentioned something about elves...I may actually be able to critique fantasy without gagging!

*angry mob of fantasy writers swarms Sam* Mmm....I should leave now.

The only ones that I had answered "yes" to were:

3. Is your main character the heir to the throne but doesn't know it?

Okay this isn't the main plot I just did this just to put another twist in it.

27. Does your novel contain a prologue that is impossible to understand until you've read the entire book, if even then?

Um...I acutally I'm not sure about this one. I think parts will make sense and the others the reader will probably still be wondering what it meant.

Huh..this is really interesting. My bad on the trilogy I guess, but I wouldn't be able to finish in 2, but 4 is too many. I'm not going to write more for the heck of it, and I'm not going to write less just to avoid a trilogy...

11. Is the king of your world a kindly king duped by an evil magician?

ummm almost? I can't even really explain how this works in my story- there is an evil character...she doesn't "dupe" the king exactly, and it's not the base of the story at all..but I guess technically I'm guilty of having this in my plot.

I didn't know the hay baler either but I don't mention farms, so whatever.

The NYC phone book one...I don't know how big that is...but probably not?

I don't think having dwarves and elves makes anyone uncreative.

The last one on the exam made me laugh Overall this exam was really funny and it would definitely be hilarious to have a YWS version.

Okay, I’m writing something new, so I’ll do the test again:

1) Happens, happens. This is my innovation, lol.

25) No idea. Is it so obvious? 0_o

27) Uhm… Depends how you look at it… I mean, I think it is understandable.. Or is it not?

29) My first yes. HA!!!!! Seriously though, I probably won’t get to the middle of the first book, but still - I can dream, right?

37) Another innovation, hehe. But four syllables isn’t that bad, right? RIGHT???

39) Mouth open. For the first time in history, no. OMG I don’t have elves… Wow….

41) Is it okay if it’s not a name for a race? XD

47) Probably.

48) They journey only two times. The first one is long, I have to admit…

54) Looks out of window, whistling* -Uhm, I would find out if I needed it, geez. And while we’re here, someone care to answer my question in the Research forum? Pretty please?

60) Have no idea how much a pound is. But if we’re already here, I still wouldn’t tell you how much it weighed in kilos, lol.

65) I realize it. (From the first time I did the test, hehe)

72) What’s wrong with that? You want me to make up like three separate languages? Never.

74) Well, no, but the rip offs are the best! Lol. No, seriously, they are.

750 Ah, yes…. Inches away*

-elein

Love it, Phorcys. The Chair passed!


Though... then again...

Phorcys wrote: 21. How about "a half-elf torn between his human and elven heritage"?

*cough* co-write with MH *cough*

^_~

I suppose I'm free and clear... That comes of not writing high-fantasy at the moment maybe. Zhaim hasn't got caught on one. ^_^


(It would be amusing to see charactes from the Chair confronted with any of the above cliches...rather like the Gypsie Chair of Potato ...whatever it was. ^_^)


IMP

That would be "The Gypsie Chair of Potato Redemption". We stopped pretending it made any kind of sense long ago. ^_~

70. Does your main villain punish insignificant mistakes with death?

...

Well, Livny's technically not a villain... but Tannar, maybe... ^_~

...Three isn't a bad number... *cough*

Okay, so mine's terribly cliche. I came up with the idea when I was eight, give me some slack! Really, though, I think there are enough twists to keep it new and not-as-cliche.

I think.

*whimpers and wonders how she can rewrite the story*

Actually, lemme go back and see if Kiens' Battle passes... I'll let you know.

[edit] *hangs head in shame* And it's not even technically fantasy, either! [/edit]

Boo yeah I managed to answer "no" to all my questions. Hehe. Now to continue writing my novel

"God mode turned on"

All of my answers would be in bold, but it takes way too long to do that. Sorry.
The Exam

1. Does nothing happen in the first fifty pages? No. Stuff happens.
2. Is your main character a young farmhand with mysterious parentage? No. Has a strange parentage, but not mysterious.
3. Is your main character the heir to the throne but doesn't know it? No.
4. Is your story about a young character who comes of age, gains great power, and defeats the supreme badguy? Not really. Sort of but not exactly.
5. Is your story about a quest for a magical artifact that will save the world? No.
6. How about one that will destroy it? No.
7. Does your story revolve around an ancient prophecy about "The One" who will save the world and everybody and all the forces of good? No, but there are prophets/prophesies.[/b]
8. Does your novel contain a character whose sole purpose is to show up at random plot points and dispense information? No.
9. Does your novel contain a character that is really a god in disguise? No. There is a God, but He's not in disguise.
10. Is the evil supreme badguy secretly the father of your main character? No. (Haha...Luke I am your father!)
11. Is the king of your world a kindly king duped by an evil magician? No.
12. Does "a forgetful wizard" describe any of the characters in your novel? No.
13. How about "a powerful but slow and kind-hearted warrior"? No.
14. How about "a wise, mystical sage who refuses to give away plot details for his own personal, mysterious reasons"? No.
15. Do the female characters in your novel spend a lot of time worrying about how they look, especially when the male main character is around? Not a chance! Ew, no!
16. Do any of your female characters exist solely to be captured and rescued? No.
17. Do any of your female characters exist solely to embody feminist ideals? No.
18. Would "a clumsy cooking wench more comfortable with a frying pan than a sword" aptly describe any of your female characters? No.
19. Would "a fearless warrioress more comfortable with a sword than a frying pan" aptly describe any of your female characters? No.
20. Is any character in your novel best described as "a dour dwarf"? No dwarves.
21. How about "a half-elf torn between his human and elven heritage"? No.
22. Did you make the elves and the dwarves great friends, just to be different? No dwarves. Elvin creatures, though.
23. Does everybody under four feet tall exist solely for comic relief? No.
24. Do you think that the only two uses for ships are fishing and piracy? No.
25. Do you not know when the hay baler was invented? Huh? I guess not.
26. Did you draw a map for your novel which includes places named things like "The Blasted Lands" or "The Forest of Fear" or "The Desert of Desolation" or absolutely anything "of Doom"? Yes, but in an invented language.
27. Does your novel contain a prologue that is impossible to understand until you've read the entire book, if even then? No.
28. Is this the first book in a planned trilogy? I'm not sure yet. It will probably be longer than a trilogy.
29. How about a quintet or a decalogue? See above.
30. Is your novel thicker than a New York City phone book? 200 pages so far. Still not done yet.
31. Did absolutely nothing happen in the previous book you wrote, yet you figure you're still many sequels away from finishing your "story"? This is my first attempt at fantasy.
32. Are you writing prequels to your as-yet-unfinished series of books? No, but I'm thinking of ideas.
33. Is your name Robert Jordan and you lied like a dog to get this far? No. Please believe me, I'm not!
34. Is your novel based on the adventures of your role-playing group? Don't have one.
35. Does your novel contain characters transported from the real world to a fantasy realm? No.
36. Do any of your main characters have apostrophes or dashes in their names? Yes.
37. Do any of your main characters have names longer than three syllables? Some.
38. Do you see nothing wrong with having two characters from the same small isolated village being named "Tim Umber" and "Belthusalanthalus al'Grinsok"? That's weird.
39. Does your novel contain orcs, elves, dwarves, or halflings? Elves, yes.
40. How about "orken" or "dwerrows"? No.
41. Do you have a race prefixed by "half-"? No.
42. At any point in your novel, do the main characters take a shortcut through ancient dwarven mines? No. Well, there is a scene where they travel though a mine, but it's not dwarven.
43. Do you write your battle scenes by playing them out in your favorite RPG? N/A
44. Have you done up game statistics for all of your main characters in your favorite RPG? N/A
45. Are you writing a work-for-hire for Wizards of the Coast? And that is...what?
46. Do inns in your book exist solely so your main characters can have brawls? None.
47. Do you think you know how feudalism worked but really don't? No.
48. Do your characters spend an inordinate amount of time journeying from place to place? Er...yes.
49. Could one of your main characters tell the other characters something that would really help them in their quest but refuses to do so just so it won't break the plot? No. I base the plot around that.
50. Do any of the magic users in your novel cast spells easily identifiable as "fireball" or "lightning bolt"? No. My spells are more mind-controlling.
51. Do you ever use the term "mana" in your novel? No.
52. Do you ever use the term "plate mail" in your novel? No.
53. Heaven help you, do you ever use the term "hit points" in your novel? No.
54. Do you not realize how much gold actually weighs? Yes. Never touched it before, unfortunately.
55. Do you think horses can gallop all day long without rest? No! Poor horses.
56. Does anybody in your novel fight for two hours straight in full plate armor, then ride a horse for four hours, then delicately make love to a willing barmaid all in the same day? No. I'm not writing a novel about Superman!
57. Does your main character have a magic axe, hammer, spear, or other weapon that returns to him when he throws it? No.
58. Does anybody in your novel ever stab anybody with a scimitar? No.
59. Does anybody in your novel stab anybody straight through plate armor? No.
60. Do you think swords weigh ten pounds or more? [info] Do they?
61. Does your hero fall in love with an unattainable woman, whom he later attains? No.
62. Does a large portion of the humor in your novel consist of puns? No.
63. Is your hero able to withstand multiple blows from the fantasy equivalent of a ten pound sledge but is still threatened by a small woman with a dagger? No.
64. Do you really think it frequently takes more than one arrow in the chest to kill a man? No.
65. Do you not realize it takes hours to make a good stew, making it a poor choice for an "on the road" meal? Yes, my mom has made stew before and it takes a really long time.
66. Do you have nomadic barbarians living on the tundra and consuming barrels and barrels of mead? No, and what on earth is mead?
67. Do you think that "mead" is just a fancy name for "beer"? I don't know what it is.
68. Does your story involve a number of different races, each of which has exactly one country, one ruler, and one religion? Different races, yes. The others, no.
69. Is the best organized and most numerous group of people in your world the thieves' guild? Don't have one.
70. Does your main villain punish insignificant mistakes with death? No. He prefers slavery and imprisonment.
71. Is your story about a crack team of warriors that take along a bard who is useless in a fight, though he plays a mean lute? No.
72. Is "common" the official language of your world? No.
73. Is the countryside in your novel littered with tombs and gravesites filled with ancient magical loot that nobody thought to steal centuries before? No.
74. Is your book basically a rip-off of The Lord of the Rings? Never read.
75. Read that question again and answer truthfully. OK, I started reading "The Hobbit" but I found it dull so I never finished it.

By the way, I think it's a little harsh to say that if you answer one question "yes" in that exam, your novel should be "abandoned at once." I mean, some of us are still starting out...and haven't even read LotR!
Maybe I'm wrong (don't answer that ), but that's how I feel.