New Mother

Tiny white knuckles, gentle baby's knees.
The way that changing a foul diaper
never offends. True baby's breath.
Not as flowery as a bouquet, but
just as sweet, and twice as precious.

I liked the idea. I liked the length of the piece.

However:

Tiny white knuckles, gentle baby's knees.

What exactly are "gentle baby's knees"? I didn't much like that part. Something else could be put there surely, no?

This was my favorite stanza:

just as sweet, and twice as precious.

Because it's part of a comparison and those are always awesome.


As always,

Miss POKE

Trident--


I agree with rosethorn. I love the length; it kept my nausea to a minimum.

As a poem, it left everything unturned--no revelations, no thoughtful inquiries.


Best,
Brad

Haha--

Incan, I think I'm going to write more poetry just so I can hear some more of those nice quips. Then again, I suppose I don't have to write any; you already have this whole board covered.

*Trident crumples up paper and throws it into the trash can*

Back to the drawing board...

I liked it, in a disinterested kind of way, but Incan is right -- there's nothing here which gives me that sudden feeling of enlightenment which is the hallmark of really excellent poetry.

That being said, the final section (from "True baby's breath") was very pretty (although I had an image of a baby breathing flowers for a minute there, LMAO). Perhaps you could rescue that for another piece some time

Cheers,
~bubbles

i just had a new baby, and i totally agree with this. Good job in capturing the reality.