Young Writers Society

Zerrin: What, may I ask, is a 'matron'? Are you sure you know how to use proper english? On the other hand you may be insane...

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Zerrin's answering machine: You've reached Artemis Fowl's nemesis, of which he knows nothing about, and I am sure you will pass the information along to him. If you wish to talk to me, make an appointment next time.

Paron: *checks date* I guess you've not been alive for a very long time. 'Maton is shorted from automaton. And I do know English, thank you very much.

Brenna: I'm busy, leave a message or follow the Road.

Angie MacTavish: The Road? That's not very specific, is it? I hate vagueness.

Angie's Answering Machine: Yeah, not here. Or something.

Mariel: Eloquent, aren't we?

Mariel's: Glory, if that's you call back and I'll answer it. Uriel, if it's you, I'm going to skin you alive. Anyone else ... why the hell are you calling me?

Angie MacTavish: It's called a wrong number. And your friends have some suck-*ss names.

Angie's: Out looking for vampires. And a caffeine fix. What the hell does a girl have to do for a decent cup of coffee in this place? Oh, and possibly looking for that cute badass. Meh. It's a perk of the job. Anyway, you've obviously got the wrong number, so, later.

Mary: Hey, Angie. This is Mary, that exorcist you called. We seem to be playing phone tag. Call me if you need me or if your quarry is particularly hot. I've got a concert tonight, but other than that I'm free.

Mary's: Hi, you've reached Mary Ann Waterman. If you're calling because you need an exorcist, press one. If you're calling about the band, press two. If you're not calling about either of those things, just hang up.

William Blacklock: And what if I'm calling about that hot sex you promised me? Whore. ...Yeah, just joking. Please don't hurt me. I LOVE YOU!

Will's Machine: Um... I'm somewhere. I think. If you've seen me recently, could you let me know? Just, like, leave a message or something. ...Yeah. Bye.

Mary: You left a message on my phone. You're not one of my scary groupies are you? Be glad my girlfriend wasn't checking my messages, it wouldn't've been pretty. Call Sen, though. He's always up for sex.
... not that I would know, thanks.

Mary's: Hi, you've reached Mary Ann Waterman. If you're calling because you need an exorcist, press one. If you're calling about the band, press two. If you're not calling about either of those things, just hang up.
Oh, and if you're calling about hot sex, I will be forwarding the message to my girlfriend and she will be kicking your ass.

Isabella:*beep*...whatever floats your boat, hon. And, no offense, but...not interested. Sorry. Erm...What was I calling about? Hmmm...I forgot. But...excorcism...that sounds cool. I don't need one, but I'm pressing the button anyway to see what it's about. *beep*

Isabella: You have reached...my phone!! Shocker, isn't it? Anyway, telemarketers press one to be scolded, Joe press two and then the password-ha, now you can't listen in, Emma!-people I don't want to talk to press three, people I do want to talk to press four. Phew. Lots of numbers. Anyway...press the button, leave a message, make me smile.

Daekom to Isabella:
Well, since no one ever wants to talk to me... *pressed three*

Daekom's answering machine:
If you've reached this answering machine, you may assume that I'm either lying in a pool of my own blood in an alley somewhere, in prison, or getting beat up by random people. If I live to check my machine, I'll try to get back to you. *BEEP*

Mary: Should I call 911?

Mary's:Sorry, I'm stuck in another dimension right now - one without cell phones. If/when I make it back, I'll give you a call.

Peter Zimmerman: Sorry, this must be the wrong number. Have fun in your otherworldly demension. Hopefully it's not The Well or you might end up as one of my projects. Peace.

Peter's: This is Peter's machine. If you're calling about 'work' then I'm not available right now. Making diamonds is harder than it sounds, even harder than one of those glass statue things. Anyway, leave a message after the beep....*BEEP*

Mary: What if I'm calling about play? Ow, Julia. I was just kidding! Sorry, sorry. This must've been a wrong number.

Mary's: I'm on tour, so this had better be good. Please tell me how awesome I am. ♥

Angie: ...Or not. *click*

Angie's: I'm probably out saving the world. Or something. I'll call you back if you don't annoy the f*ck out of me.

Tov: Right. ...Er, hell - possible to annoy the **** out of someone?

I could try. But, you know, not as funny not being able to see your face, right?


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Tov's Machine: You could say something smart, right? Maybe. Hey, unlikely doesn't mean it won't happen.