Captured In Duolingo's Basement

- DUOLINGO -

As quickly as the laughter began, it ended. Suddenly, the bird was fully composed, back to his emotionless self, smiling the large forced smile.

"We don't have any time to waste! We have got lots of humans to kidnap, don't we?!" he burst out laughing again. "Are you going to behave, Mr. Sullivan? It would be a shame to have to euthanize you on your first day here." Duo grinned.

- Knor Sullivan -

"Me? Behave?" He asked in a shocked tone mockingly before switching to German. "Nie."

- DUOLINGO -

The birds brow seemed to tense. This man was much more stubborn than the others he had captured previously.

Duo walked out of the room for a moment and quickly returned with a flat chair that resembled an elevated nest. He took a seat.

"Tell me about yourself, Knor."

- Knor Sullivan -

"I thought you knew more about me than I thought." He replied loftily.

- DUOLINGO -

The bird took a deep breath and used his wings to massage his temples, which were now hurting from annoyance.

"Look, Knor, I am a very busy bird. I have over 500 million users on my app who adore me. I have a net worth of over 7.48 billion dollars. Your tiny brain cannot even comprehend the knowledge I possess about millions of people and facts and skills that date back to prehistoric times when you were nothing more than... nothing. I am very busy and do not have time to fret on such... miserable beings, that often, at least not until they become valuable to me. I am trying to build a connection with you. But what startles me the most... is that you seem to be completely unafraid of me... I don't understand..."

- Knor Sullivan -

Completely unafraid? No, no he was not. He was terrified, but being sarcastic and bold with his words was his way of hiding that. "You being a very busy bird does not justify lying about you saying that you know more about me than I thought. By the way, have you ever been checked for bipolar?"

- DUOLINGO -

"I do not lie. I am a good bird. Perhaps if you had any ounce of happiness or success in your life, you would understand," replied Duo, continuing with his piercing glare into Knor's eyes.

"Do good birds normally kidnap people? Also I'm pretty sure I'm about to lose my limbs or something." Knor stared back.

- DUOLINGO -

"Mr. Sullivan, you have to understand, that I am an eternally existing spirit of knowledge that possesses more wisdom than can be found in this galaxy. I simply take the form of a 'good bird' to do some of my earthly business. I have captured you because you are a miserable man who deserves to do miserable things that I do not want to do. And we can sit here until you are nothing more than a pile of bones, or we can get to work."

The bird shifted in his seat. "Are you hungry? I can imagine you are quite sore and probably want to be released from those ropes. Perhaps you want to see your new home."

"For now, I think I'd prefer to sit here until I'm a pile of dust, maybe I'll consider being a slave later. Removing these ropes would be great though." He yawned. Miserable? Hardly. At the current moment, yes. He liked being able to know he still had his limbs. Then again he'd have to lie on the floor in agony until blood got back into them.

- DUOLINGO -

Duo smiled a wide grin. "Sounds great to me, friend! Have fun suffering tonight. While you do that, I am going to go to bed. Try to get some sleep. I will return in exactly 9 hours, once my body has receive adequate rest."

Duo stood up from his nest-chair, turned around and walked towards the door. Before exiting, he stared blankly into Knor's eyes for a moment. The bird left and silence crept in. A minute later, the lights went off, leaving Knor in complete, piercing blackness.

Knor thought in the dark. So it was night right now? Then again it was said owls sleep in the day so maybe it was day. This was why owls had never been his favorite animal. Ever. Especially large, mutant, sentient, green owls.

So, just in case the bird could hear him, he started singing very annoying songs as loud as possible. Maybe a little off tune.

- DUOLINGO -

After closing the door behind him, Duo lingered for a moment, listening. Upon hearing Knor start to sing annoying songs, Duo laughed. Two can play that game. Good thing this entire secret layer is equipped with surround sound speakers! Duo turned on Spanish Or Vanish 10 hour loop version and set it at max volume.

The words started, as follows:

Are you sitting down?
We need to talk.
You made a promise
Rain, snow, or apocalypse
You wouldn’t stop this
Streak we had going!

No tengo respuesta ( I don’t get an answer )
Nadine me contesta ( Nobody answers me )
Esto me molesta ( That upsets me. )
I’m not jo-king!

When I say im about to up the skates
Si no practicas iya verás lo que sucede! ( If you don’t practice, this is what is going to happen to you! )
It’s either Spanish or Vanish
No es una petición, ( This is not a request, )
No I demand it

Two choices, Spanish or Vanish
Amo la carne humana ( I love human flesh )
I’m muy famished! ( I am very hungry )

Spanish or Vanish
No tolero la estupidez ( I don’t tolerate stupidity, )
No I cant stand this!

Pick one, it’s Spanish or Vanish
Soy conocido por comer cabezas, ( I’m known as a cannibal, )
Like a praying mantis!

Duo smiled and closed his eyes, filled with glee over hearing his own song. Duo rode the elevator down 98 floors into the depths of the earth, retreating to his nest for a peaceful, quiet slumber, with dreams of world domination. Nighty night, Knor.

Now that was rude. At this volume, Knor could lose his hearing within a few hours. He couldn't even understand half of the words.

- DUOLINGO -

The owl quickly fell asleep.

*dreams of world domination, creating one universal language, and human meat*