Finishing Line! (Snoink's Camp Nano)

SO. Even though I barely wrote anything for Book 4, I did edit Book 2. And I got an IDEA. It's for when they're in the garden.

Currently Adelore...

1) partially heals her
2) tries to find out who hurt her
3) talks about healing her more and the conditions therein
4) Clarise interrupts

But like... this doesn't quite make sense to his character because he literally finds out that Sergius is behind this. If he is involved with the trial as much as he is, why isn't he trying to insert himself more and demand that she testify??? Like, he would offer to heal more, but with the caveat that she testifies because if she testifies against Sergius, her being a lady and respectable, their case has an added legitimacy.

Furthermore, if he asks more questions (and why wouldn't Adelore ask questions???) he would probably realize that Sergius, while not the one who injured her, is behind her injury in some important way. (And Sergius *is* one of the major reasons why she was hurt, which is delved into more during Book 4.) Which, in his mind, would justify the destruction as a punishment.

So he asks that she work with Cyrus and testify against Sergius in return for healing, confident that, with this new testimony, justice for Sergius will be all but certain.

So, the new, rewritten chapter would look something like this...

1) partially heals her.
2) finds out that Sergius is behind this
3) offers to fully heal her in exchange for her testimony against Sergius

And this does several things...

1) It emphasizes that Adelore is actively working together with Cyrus very deliberately and also confirms their friendship and closeness to each other.

2) It confirms how much Adelore hates Sergius.

3) When they resist and try to hint to Adelore that this might not be a good idea, it naturally leads to Adelore asking questions, which leads to the truth.

4) It makes Adelore a natural antagonist to them, especially when Adelore reassures them that Cyrus is fair and would protect them from Sergius. (Which is true, so it wouldn't bother Adelore to say that, BUT ALSO.)

5) It streamlines and focuses the chapter

Also... it would solve the current problem that I have with the series... how do you show the depth of friendship between Cyrus and Adelore in Book 2? Because right now, it's not very apparent and Alainna, being the narrator, doesn't have many opportunities to really delve into this friendship much. So, in the subsequent books, it looks really out of place when their friendship is brought up.

This... might mean that I need to reassess the conversation between Clarise and Alainna. But oh well. That can be done later...

I think I need to rewrite several things.

- As things stand, the Lady gets off a little too easily. Yes, there's conflict, but also she needs to have a decisive moment as well in which she is the one to decide things, otherwise her storyline (and character, really) looks weak.

- Same with Diamea, though to a lesser extent.

- The antagonist needs to be the one to pull the trigger (metaphorically speaking) and be the one to attack first, which prompts the ensuing fight.

- The antagonist needs to talk more, which means I have to remember how to write that dialogue. *sighs*

- Cyrus's role is important, but it needs to be alluded to more in the subsequent books... I need to look into how weddings are portrayed again and how that foreshadows the wedding of the Lady and Diamea.

- The antagonist's role needs to be alluded to at the very beginning.

I'm already revising Book 2 to make Adelore/Cyrus a little bit more there. I also need to do this for Book 3, especially in the second half because Cyrus is curiously absent there.

Some thoughts...

- Forgiving the father could make him think about Cyrus, since his relationship with Jules was complicated by Cyrus.

- A mental comparison between Leonido/Cyrus seems apt, lol.

- Leaning on his guide and stumbling around would probably remind him of Cyrus.

- The Ticketmaster brings up Cyrus... so a comparison there might be apt as well.

If the groom is to be blindfolded, it makes sense to have a groomsman to 1) protect the groom somewhat, 2) direct the groom to the bride, 3) moral support.

SO.

In Book 1 with the fake wedding, it makes sense to have Sergius eschew this tradition because Solea doesn't really have a lot of friends or close classmates, other than Alainna. So Sergius would basically just let Solea alone without anyone posing as a groomsman to help her.

In Book 3... I might have to rewrite the wedding chapter so, instead of the Swans just staring at Adelore, they stare at him and then, when they realize he has no idea how to do anything, they over explain things, then Francine comes with her dig and then everything goes downhill from there. XD

In early Book 4... when Cyrus first physically meets Diamea with the Lady, there should be a kind of odd thought like, "Um... is this the wedding and am I the groomsman?" Which would make Cyrus feel really weird and icky about the whole thing because NO.

Uclepidies waited for Alainna to put the necklace in her pocket before he started. “As I mentioned before, I would like to ask you some questions of some urgency. But, before I begin, I would like to offer you both the opportunity to ask me any question without fear of repercussions. For I fear that our last meeting was an unhappy one, and I am eager to clear up any misunderstandings.”

Solea hesitated. Many questions flooded her mind. Too many questions, in fact. Once more, she wondered about the odd gifts that Uclepidies had given them and why he insisted that they wear them to class. She wondered why Cyrus was specifically chosen as their new language teacher and what Uclepidies thought of him. She wondered whether Uclepidies knew how friendly Solea had stupidly been toward Cyrus, before today’s disaster struck.

But, before Solea could ask any of the questions that swarmed her mind, Alainna narrowed her eyes. “Can we even trust you with matters concerning Conquerors?”

Uclepidies blinked at her accusatory tone. “I beg your pardon?”

Alainna sat up taller. “I've been reading the books that the other Black Swans gave me for their birthday,” she said. “According to their accounts, you are the one who betrayed them and gave them to the first Conqueror so that she could bleed and possess them.”

“Kalie,” Uclepidies said stubbornly. “The first Conqueror’s name was Kalie.”

“Never mind her name!” Alainna snapped. “They wrote that the Conqueror gave you special tasks and privileges away from them, all while they were essentially enslaved. How do I know I can trust you?”

Uclepidies flinched. In a low voice, he muttered, “In the beginning, I admit that I was sympathetic to her situation. How could I not be? Kalie was my niece! Her father thoroughly rejected her as a baby and, when Kalie started having her own children with strange men, her mother rejected her as well. Even when Kalie gave away her children to other families, in hopes to earn her parents’ love, they still turned away from her. She was only a girl then, only a little older than you, and they abandoned her completely. Out of desperation, she turned to me, since she knew I loved humanity and wouldn’t look down upon her, even if she were mortal. Why wouldn’t I look upon her with pity?”

At the story, tears came to Solea’s eyes.

But Alainna’s face remained hard. “According to the accounts, you freely gave the first Conqueror your blood to drink. And you didn’t think this would have any lasting consequences?”

Uclepidies suddenly flinched. “It was a mistake,” he said bitterly. “I understand that now. At the time, I thought it was the best path forward for me. I was wrong! I gave her my trust. In return, she went mad, betrayed me, and destroyed everything and everyone I loved. I might have been sympathetic to her at first, but by the end, Kalie and I were the greatest of enemies.”

“But was she really your enemy?” Alainna demanded. When Uclepidies scowled, she added, “When Eurodities destroyed the first Conqueror in a cursed lake, you tried to save her!”

“Of course, I tried to save her!” Uclepidies spat out. “She ordered me to save her. I was possessed. I could not resist!”

“But I heard that she called you off in her final moments,” Alainna said. “And yet you still tried to save her, even when you were free.”

Uclepidies made a face. “Kalie was dissolving into the lake. I felt sorry for her. By then, I hated her with every fiber of my being. Yet, even though she thoroughly earned her destruction by then, I never wanted to see her dissolve into a lake!”

Alainna scowled.

“As the Lady, you never wanted to see Kalie be destroyed either,” Uclepidies added stubbornly before Alainna could say anything else. “It is because of you that Kalie’s voice was preserved. When the Lady saw Kalie use the last of her voice to free me from my possession so that I could be saved from destruction, the Lady granted that Kalie be allowed to keep her voice so she could guide her descendants along the right path.”

Alainna scowled more. “That was a mistake!”