loving myself as much as i love you

i don't know if you think about me,
cause i think of you every day.
the pain, the lack of memories,
it keeps me up at night.
i've forgiven you for what you've done,
but i still have this anger for you
in my heart.
how can someone be flesh and blood
and still a stranger?

TW: b*dy dym*rph*a, r*pe, d*ath

a toddler taking her first steps,
carefully stumbling,
her parents cheering her on.

a young girl playing with her mother's makeup,
hoping she doesn't get caught.
full of innocence and wonder.

a teenager crying, hating her body,
wishing anything she was anything
than what she is.

a teenager sitting on her bed,
heart hollow, tears running down her cheeks;
she is numb, and her eyes see nothing.

a young woman looking at her pregnant belly,
full of anticipation and fear for her child,
and the life to come.

a mother nursing her baby, tears running down her face,
her whole life has changed,
and she doesn't know what to do.

a mother playing house with her daughter,
pretending a perfect life,
and forgetting the world for just a moment

a mother dressing her daughter for her first day of school,
both full of excitement and nerves
for this new stage of life.

a mother sobbing inconsolably, holding her daughter's dolls.
a life is gone before it began,
and the pain is irreversible.

a heartbroken woman praying to a god
she never believed in,
trying to change her life.

a new woman dressing for church,
a smile on her face as she worships;
she has found peace.