I Am Totally a Real-Life Wizard (Not Clickbait, I Swear!)

Kensworthy continued bragging enlightening his guests with interesting facts about his collection, like how it was the largest private collection of medieval blades in the state. Meanwhile, Valeri and Vendetta walked around, scanning the collection for anything that looked remotely like part of a legendary sword.

Suddenly, a soft whisper floated by Valeri’s ear. “Did you hear that, Vendetta?”

(59 words)

Vendetta whirled around. "Yeah. It sounded like it came from that corner."

They pointed towards a neglected corner. The swords here were rusty, their handles chipped and cracked. The blade stood out since it ended in narrow steel, with no handle attached.

Valeri glanced around. Kensworthy was regaling a cluster of people with stories of his adventures in the Amazon on the other side of the room. Valeri started casually edging towards the blade, as if they just wanted a closer look.

“Once we get the blade, how are we gonna get it out of here? We need a distraction.”

(58 words)

"I'm not sure. Let me think." Vendetta stopped, narrowing their eyes at the blade.

"A distraction, you say?" A young girl with ginger ponytails approached. Her dress was neon yellow and covered in small multi-coloured stripes. No. Vendetta looked closer. Her dress was covered in confetti. "I can help with a distraction."

Valeri immediately became defensive. “Who are you, and why would you want to help us?”

The girl bounced on her toes, causing some confetti to rain to the floor. “Well, ya see, I’m part of the HIGH WIZARD WANNABES. That’s the fan club for the great wizard Josephinzo! I’m just here to help you guys out.” She winked.

(58 words)

Vendetta wrinkled their nose. "Why are you speaking in a fake accent?"

The girl grinned. "What do you mean? No fake accent here." The accent became thicker and noticeably worse.

"Alright then." Vendetta looked around. "I mean, if you have a good idea, then feel free to try it."

"Gladly." The girl doffed an imaginary hat to the duo, then made a show of walking over to the crowd around Kensworthy. "Hello there, sir! I have a question."

Kensworthy looked slightly annoyed to be interrupted. "Yes, what is it?"

The girl wormed her way closer to the front of the crowd. "I--I... Aaachoo!" She sneezed violently, and a storm of confetti blew onto Kensworthy.

(65 words)

Kensworthy, always the dramatic one, promptly collapsed to the ground, crashing into a case. "Confetti! There's confetti in my eyes! I can't see! I'll never see again!"

Vendetta took their chance, grabbing the blade off the wall and shoving it into their bag. It made the bag look pretty suspicious, but no one in the crowd seemed to notice as they all flooded towards the still screaming Kensworthy.

As the crowd fussed over their dear idol Kensworthy, Valeri and Vendetta sneaked out of the room. As they fled through the large ballroom, the mysterious girl kept pace with them, tossing confetti at the other partygoers.

"So! I was a great distraction, no?"

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"Yes, actually. A great distraction." Vendetta wrapped the suspicious bag in their sweater. "I didn't think confetti could be so dangerous."

"Anything can be dangerous if you try hard enough!" She smiled even wider, her tone a bit frightening now.

Valeri eyed the girl again, but they decided to keep running until the trio were safely out of the manor. She thought she heard alarms blaring somewhere, but hopefully everyone would be too preoccupied with Kensworthy and all the confetti to care about the blade being missing.

Once they were a few blocks away from the party, Valeri raised an eyebrow at the girl. "Okay, 'fess up. Are you actually just here to help us, or do you have some other motive? Also, why did you and that lame wizard say HIGH WIZARD WANNABES in all-caps?"

(96 words)

The girl shrugged. “Because we can! And it’s better. Wannabes, schwannabes. But WANNABES? Now that’s cool.” She grinned, skipping along the sidewalk, small tufts of confetti falling out of her pockets.

Vendetta brushed confetti off of their dress, the small pieces of paper the only color on their clothes. “Okay. Well, are you just going to tag along with us now, fake-accent confetti girl?”

“My accent’s not fake.” The accent was thicker now, grating against eardrums with how bad it was.

“It’s not good to lie to yourself, you know. We all know it’s fake.” Valeri pursed their lips as they looked at the cheery yet suspicious girl.

The girl crossed her arms and stubbornly continued talking in the accent. “Let’s not talk about that anymore. Don’t you people have a quest to do?”

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Vendetta giggled. “We do have a quest! We just have to find the rest of the sword. We know there’s the hilt and the gem left.” They turned to Valeri. “Did Josephinzo mention the location of either of those? I just remember the blade.”

The girl pointed up. “Look no further.”

A hot pink pigeon descended from the sky, a letter clasped tightly in its claws. It dropped the letter on Valeri’s head, honking more like a goose than a pigeon, and flying off into the sun.

Valeri gagged and plucked the letter from her head. "I hate pigeons. Foul creatures."

"Aw, I'm sorry. Did one poop on your head before?"

Valeri side-eyed the girl and chose not to respond. She examined the letter, which was neon yellow, its brightness rivaling that of the hot pink pigeon. Carefully, Valeri opened it.

"Greetings, brave adventurers!" A miniature version of Josephinzo the wizard popped up from the card, waving his staff and shooting sparkles everywhere. Valeri nearly dropped the letter in surprise. "I sense you have successfully attained the blade! Congraaatulations!"

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