Two Crows Watch from the Gallows Tree (part 12)

"I'll have to think about it. What about you?"

“I don’t know.” Ky shrugged, thinking for another moment but still coming up short. “I’ve got everything I could possibly want already… or… well… everything but one. But he’s not going to change his mind on that just because I ate for a week… and I’ve already got everything else.”

"What about immaterial goods? Information, time, things like that?"

Ky hesitated for a long moment, considering. He might be on to something there. But… she wasn’t coming up with ideas immediately. “…like what?”

He shrugged. "That's up to you. Rewards can differ from week to week."

“Yeah, but, like… what information? Whose time?” Gods knew she already had too much time on her hands for him to be talking about her.

"Like I said, it's up to you. If you have questions for me, I can see if I can answer them. If you want time to yourself, time from Tomhas, time from one of your siblings or someone else, that seems like apt reward."

“Mm… okay.” She nodded, but she still wasn’t sure if that made sense. Tomhas came here explicitly to spend time with her and Lyra; that wouldn’t require effort to get. Lyra was her only sibling here, and they already spent time together when they wanted. Hell, she probably could get time from every single person in this Keep if she asked for it, no strings attached. It seemed like they were all holding their breath around her, and would be elated if she wanted to leave her room to interact with them.

Besides.

She didn't want to be around people. That was the point.

Information was almost enticing; but what? The very thought of prying any more into family history made her feel ill. What other information was there, that would be restricted to her now? Couldn’t she just ask anyone anything she wanted right now and get whatever answers she wanted? She’d not had anyone tell her no to any information other than the journals and prying about Sera and Tristan. And she obviously was going to respect those boundaries. Hm.

He started up the stairs very carefully. "How are you feeling about being a godmother?"

Ky instinctively stayed a step below, ready to catch him should he fall. Well, try to, anyway. She was feeling a bit weak these days, though she’d never admit that to anyone. But she’d get herself between Gaius and the stairs before both of them went sliding down them if she couldn’t actually catch him if nothing else.

“…I think they made a mistake,” Ky said quietly. “I was excited at first but… now… they should pick someone else… I need to think about it more but… I think I need to tell them to pick someone else.”

"Why?"

“I… am not fit to be a mother.” She started to shove her hands in her pockets, then realized she wouldn’t be able to catch him if she needed to if she did that, so she pulled them back out and settled for picking at the hem of her tunic instead. “So I certainly can’t raise kids that will be traumatized by losing both parents… gods forbid that ever happen. But… it’s part of the responsibilities I’d be taking — of that being a potential outcome.”

"Well, let's hope it never gets to the point where you're forced to take on the role of sole parent. But you aren't going to be a mother, Ky. A godmother has responsibilities, certainly, but you're not going to have to parent her. It would be closer to being a big sister, I expect.

"... even if something happens to both of them?" That seemed... wrong. But, then, she didn't really know how all this worked.

"Let's not consider that as something in the near future," he said firmly. "That's doesn't bear thinking about, does it? But yes, I expect Tasia and her sibling would view you as more of a responsible older sibling."