She wasn’t, really. She’d taken one bite of berries that burned on the way back up as her body tried to vomit them up, but then she swallowed them again, feeling even worse. She sipped some wine and then settled for moving her food from one region of the plate to another, first making stacks, and then systematically starting to work through each stack and chop them up into tiny bits of food that took up less space on her plate. Basically eating it, really. It didn’t look like it was there anymore at least.
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
Gaius glanced at Sara, then stood. "Ky, shall we go read the letter now? I believe I've eaten all I can."
"The Imperial need for control is so desperate because it is so unnatural. Tyranny requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle. Oppression is the mask of fear. Remember that." -Karis Nemik
Ky glanced up, startled. Was she in trouble? What had she done wrong? She stood up uncertainly, not at all expecting to get whisked away in the middle of a meal. Not that she minded. She didn’t want to eat anyway. But she couldn’t help but feel like this was more of a discipline than a saving grace. “Um…okay.”
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
He limped out of the room on his crutches, casting a glance back at Sara. She nodded.
"The Imperial need for control is so desperate because it is so unnatural. Tyranny requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle. Oppression is the mask of fear. Remember that." -Karis Nemik
Ky watched the exchange. What was that supposed to be?
Definitely in trouble, then. She swallowed and pushed her seat in, nodding to the rest of the table, and followed him out, trying to quash the anxiety bubbling up in her.
Tadaaki had trailed off chewing, also watching with an uneasy feeling in his gut. He wasn’t going to hurt her, of course. But it… this was… weird. Hopefully it ended well, whatever this was supposed to be. He glanced at Aashi and Sara, belatedly swallowing his bite of roast.
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
Gaius let the door shut behind them and then continued toward the stairs in silence, trying to figure out the best way to approach this. He had vowed not to be stuck with her again, not for serious talks or any other talks. They both induced anxiety and unhappiness in one another. But he supposed he was the best person for this particular job.
"The Imperial need for control is so desperate because it is so unnatural. Tyranny requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle. Oppression is the mask of fear. Remember that." -Karis Nemik
Ky buried her hands in her pockets, shoulders rounding slightly as she followed a step behind him. She wasn't stupid. She knew that this wasn't just about letters that he'd forgotten about for days now. Anxiety gripped at her chest as she walked, stomach feeling queasy as she tried to imagine what was about to come. What could she have possibly done to piss him off?
She almost snorted at herself.
What a stupid question.
What hadn't she done to piss him off? Piss everyone off?
Fine, then. What specifically was this about, then? Did he want her to apologize for her rude thoughts about him not checking on these letters right away? Probably not. He probably heard them, just like he heard all of her thoughts; but he didn't seem to want her apologies even when they were warranted and genuine. Much less apologizing for her own thoughts, which should have been left private, since she hadn't chosen to share them.
If not that, then what? Did he want an apology for not finishing her plate? What utter hypocrisy. Besides, he couldn't very well drag her away in the middle of the meal to then chastise her for not finishing her food. She wasn't going to finish it regardless, but, well... still. The irony would be too great for that to be what this was about.
Was he going to tell her to renounce her godmothership? That possibility stung to consider. It'd be reasonable. She wasn't cut out for something like that. And it was probably just as well that someone take up the uncomfortable task of informing her of as much -- suspending the fantasy that she someday might be competent of caring for literally anyone ever -- and pushing her to help Aashi and Tadaaki to find a decent godparent for their children.
She swallowed hard.
Was that what this was about?
That hurt. Already.
Ky took a deep breath. Well. Whatever it was, he needed to just come out and say it. If he was going to hurt her feelings, then just get it over with. Don't drag it out and get her agonizing in silence. She thought of just saying that, then decided that that was too blunt, even for Gaius. So... she swallowed hard again, trying to consider her strategy.
Questions.
Aleth always said that questions were the best way to approach difficult conversations. "I" statements to diffuse tempers. Searching for common ground that they could agree on rather than just coming out of the gates spouting her own opinions. So. Question.
... question...
What question?
Should she humor his deflection and pretend like she believed that the letter is what this was about? Or should she cut straight to the chase? She was fairly certain they both preferred more directness. So, she should just ask if there was something he wanted to talk about in private. Or if there was greater context surrounding the letters she should know about. Or -- "Are you upset with me?"
Fuck.
Not that. Not that at all.
"I-that's not what I--" She let out a weary sigh and rubbed her face, finishing weakly, "meant to say...sorry."
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
"I'm not upset with you," he replied calmly. Why would she think that? She hadn't vexed him recently. "But I'd like to know why you aren't eating." Hopefully that was blunt enough. He wanted this done quickly. He could offer advice, maybe, and get to the root of the problem--though he didn't even know why he himself disliked eating so much. He had a feeling it had to do with Michael.
(I'm gonna try and stick around for rp month cuz I'd love some badges but I think I'm gonna need a break from the internet pretty soon. Yws is not the place it used to be)
"The Imperial need for control is so desperate because it is so unnatural. Tyranny requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle. Oppression is the mask of fear. Remember that." -Karis Nemik
(Aww okay... thanks for the head's up! Hope you're doing okay <3 Did something happen, or just general burn out?)
"Oh..." So it was the food-thing. Very well. She supposed the hypocrisy was preferable to the alternative of it having to do with her new title. She shrugged. "I dunno. I'm just not hungry."
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
(Burn out combined with outgrowing the "young" in "young writers society" and all this other shit going on)
He glanced at her. "What brought this about?"
"The Imperial need for control is so desperate because it is so unnatural. Tyranny requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle. Oppression is the mask of fear. Remember that." -Karis Nemik
(Totally valid… I haven’t been on the people tab until a few minutes ago and holy helllll I think imma stay off that tab for a while haha like I shouldn’t be surprised by it but somehow I wasn’t expecting to see all of it)(do you wanna go with our backup of switching to Discord/Google Docs or just put a pin the story until/unless you come back to the site? I 100% support you stepping as far back from things as you need, just wondering what you have in mind? If you even know yet? No pressure ^^)
“I don’t know.” She shrugged again, shoving her hands even deeper into her pockets as she willed for them to open up and swallow her where she stood. “I’m just not. Food just makes me tired, not happy anymore… it’s not a big deal.”
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
(I'd say we can do the backup on discord and docs but I'm probably not gonna be as active on here right now. I love this story and I wanna see it through to the end. I'm dogsitting this weekend so maybe I'll work on the Great Transfer then.)
"It's a very big deal," he disagreed, pausing his progress. "Ky, it's a massive issue. A dangerous one."
"The Imperial need for control is so desperate because it is so unnatural. Tyranny requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle. Oppression is the mask of fear. Remember that." -Karis Nemik
(I just realized that was a poor choice of words haha by backup I meant back up plan of continuing this story, not just our massive task of trying to save it all haha but yeah fair no pressure! I also love this story and wanna see it all the way through, so definitely don’t push yourself clear to the point of burn out where this isn’t fun anymore. No rush at all ^^ honestly I had a massive emotional crash and I’m not even exaggerating when I say I didn’t get out of bed all weekend and then was focused on RP mo all of this evening after work so I really haven’t made much more progress since the last time we talked about backing up the threads. It’s just been… a heavy week all around. And we aren’t on a time crunch)
She frowned at him, then glanced away, not at all wanting to have this conversation. But there wasn’t anyone in the hall to rescue her and he’d stopped walking so there was very little she could do to get away from this discomfort. She shrugged, not looking at him, even as heat rushed to her face. What was she even supposed to say to that? “You do it.”
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
(Yeah very true very true I guess I'll post when I feel like it and try not to stress too much; you do the same)
"I do indeed. And look at me." He gestured down at himself, fully aware of how bone-thin he was despite the broth Sera was forcing him to eat while he'd been in bed. "Does this look healthy to you? Do you think being skinny is the only consequence of not eating?"
"The Imperial need for control is so desperate because it is so unnatural. Tyranny requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle. Oppression is the mask of fear. Remember that." -Karis Nemik
Ky looked at him reluctantly, uneasy. She supposed be had a point. Perhaps arguing with someone who struggled with it even more than she did wasn’t a good idea. He knew. He understood. She dropped her gaze. “I’ll get hungry again eventually.”
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
