Dragons, Dystopians, and Denial

Jerica gave a half-snort half-chuckle, shaking her head a bit. "In moments like this I wish I was, so I wouldn't feel so...bad."

"It's okay to feel bad," Elias said softly, but he was starting to feel like a hypocrite. He sighed. "Are you trying to repress feeling bad?"

"No one wants to feel bad."

"No one wants to," he agreed. "But sometimes we have to."

"Yeah, well... I do, most of the time." She shrugged, looking back over the river again. "I just yell so that no one sees."

Elias nodded, but he had to stop himself because he didn't want to give off signs that he had picked up on this.

"It's a defense mechanism," he said. "We all have them. It's okay to have them."

He paused for a second.

"Have you ever considered yelling at no one instead of someone?" he asked, turning to look at her.

"There's no need to yell if no one is there." Jerica pulled her arms tight around herself again. "I already know I feel like shit. There's no one to hide it from when I'm alone -- and it doesn't actually make me feel any better. It just keeps people from figuring that out."

"Well, you don't need to hide it from me," Elias said gently, trying to look and sound as empathetic as possible. "I know we don't know each other that well, but you're still my friend. You don't need to hide your true self from me."

He put his hands up in the air, like he was admitting guilt.

"Plus, you know me. I'm not aggressive. I wouldn't dare hurt you. You can trust me."

"Heh." She was still waiting for the moment where he'd realize he wanted nothing to do with her. It seemed like it was taking him a longer time to realize that than most people needed. "Well, thanks... but at this point, I don't think anyone really knows who my true self is."

"That's okay," Elias said patiently. "You've got a lot of time to figure that out. I can also be patient..." He paused, letting out a small playful smile.

"Sometimes."

"Same," she laughed, rubbing her face again. Her smile faded a bit as the heaviness returned. "I hope whoever I am isn't really this sad."

Elias mused his next thoughts out loud. "I think you'd probably still yell a lot," he said idly. "But always come from a good place."

"Who knows? Maybe you're right." Jerica laughed. She took a deep breath and sighed. "I didn't yell at Aerik much, though. My nightmares even started to get better." She smiled mirthlessly. "Guess we're done with that now."

"Well, were you safe with Aerik?" Elias asked. "No fights?"

Jerica was silent, the gravity of his question settling over her. At least, the gravity of the answer. Yes. Safer than she’d ever been in her life. Of course, Rek and Derik kept her safe. But there was always the threat of Biryn and Levin hanging over her. It hadn’t really struck her before now. “Yeah.”

She wished there was a way to get Rek and Derik and Akie up to the mountain so the five of them could grow old and live out the rest of their days in peace.

“I mean, we beat the fuck out of each other,” she laughed, shaking her head a bit as she thought of their frequent sparring sessions. “I always thought I’d win the next time we sparred. But no. The only person who’s beat me every single time we sparred.”