Dragons, Dystopians, and Denial

Elias looked over at Jerica suspiciously, but then decided to drop the subject. He wasn't sure why she was so adamant against the idea of a fake name. It was a decent idea, but he wasn't going to push it.

He shrugged. "No," he said. "I don't. I don't think I'd be the best person to sneak around and figure out secrets. Do you?"

"No," she agreed. "You don't seem to be well-suited to spying."

Elias shot her a sour look. It was one thing for him to say that out loud about himself, and another for her to say that about him.

"Thanks," he said sarcastically. "I'll keep that in mind when I look for my next job."

Mellie was nearby, so he reached out and petted her snout.

"I'll be sure to add horse-riding and sword-fighting in my list of skills, too," he said plainly.

"You asked if I thought--" she started defensively, then trailed off. "Oh. You were asking me if I'm a spy?"

She felt a bit chagrined. But, in her defense, he had been vague.

She almost smiled at the thought of her trying to spy on anyone. Maybe in another lifetime. She thought she'd be quite good at it if she tried. But the King's Assassin was far too high profile to have a prayer of sneaking into anywhere important without being noticed. They'd be lucky if they made it to Crevon without there being problems.

"No," she answered at last. I supervise the spies. "We have Rangers to do the spying. I sometimes use that information that they find, but I don't gather it myself. I'm not good at going unnoticed."

Elias wasn't sure what was with her confusion at first, but he decided to not dwell on that, instead focusing on her last words and his balance on Mellie.

"Would you prefer to be a spy?" he asked. "Or would you prefer to stay as a soldier?"

"I mean..." She took a deep breath and sighed, considering the question. She'd prefer to play with geckos and read books and pretend like she knew things about science. "Rangers actually help people, so I guess I'd rather be one of those."

She absently rubbed her wrist, wondering for the millionth time if she was actually going to make it as a member of the Guild or not. She hoped she would. But she wasn't sure how that was going to work, either, with the reputation that she already had.

"But, then, there are few things that I wouldn't pick over being a soldier." She shrugged. "I'd rather be a soldier than have a child... or be a servant... or... well, that's about it."

Elias was silent for some moments, absorbing Jerica's words. He stayed steady on Mellie, relaxing but finding the rhythm in her steady clops through the woods. He was following beside Jerica and was staring straight ahead, noting how the sun shone through the branches of the trees and how the wind blew through the leaves. It was a warm, pleasant feeling to be under the sun again, breathing fresh air.

He was finding it difficult to choose whether he agreed with her last sentiments. She didn't want to be a soldier, but if she were forced to have a child or be a servant, she'd rather be a soldier.

A hardened, hazy memory crept to the surface of his mind, but he decided to push it down.

"A servant doesn't seem too bad," he said softly. "Assuming you're not a slave, anyways. You'd still have more freedom than being a soldier."

"I mean, Levin almost killed a serving boy for accidentally dropping a lamb chop in his lap," Jerica said with a shrug. She realized he wouldn't know who Levin was, but decided not to explain it unless he pressed the issue.

She didn't particularly want to tell him that she was the niece of the king any more than she wanted to admit that she was a General or King's Assassin. Things always got weird after people found that out about her. It was nice just being called 'Jerica' sometimes instead of a title -- even if Elias was going to insist on calling her Jessica instead. What a stupid name that was.

"I don't know what a slave is," she admitted. "But servants don't have freedom. They have to do whatever they're told to do. And sometimes what they're told to do just sucks."

Elias was about to ask who Levin was, but he got cut off before he could even ask, and what she said was far more interesting anyways.

Jerica didn't know what a slave was, which was a good thing, since that implied slaves were no present in the current day, or have been in the past. At least that was one good thing going on in Beirania.

He pursued his lips, not sure if she understood the irony in her explanation. Did that meant she had freedom as a soldier?

"Aren't soldiers like that too?" he asked, now curious. "They have to do things that 'suck,' and they can't disobey orders, even if they don't want to do it. At least, as a servant, it's less dangerous."

"That's true," Jerica answered thoughtfully. "But I'd rather have to practice sparring than have to spend all day with my hands in lye-water to wash the linens in the castle."

She took a deep breath thinking back to the palace. She was sure that her servants would do anything to not have to deal with her pissy attitude all the time. Her men had to deal with her shouting at them all day, but her attendants had to deal with grouching around in the evenings when she tried to be in less of a bad mood than she'd been at work.

"And, to be clear, I said these are both things that I don't want to do," she continued. "Along with having to deal with snot-nosed little brats... no offense if you have kids?"

She phrased it as a question, hoping it'd get the conversation back to him.

Elias wasn't surprised that Jerica would rather fight than do tedious chores. As pitiful as it sounded, he would much rather have a life of a servant than a life of a soldier. It wasn't like he could choose, though. He wondered if being a servant was really that terrible in Beirania or if she truly didn't mind being a soldier.

Although, earlier Jerica implied that she couldn't choose her occupation, either. It made him wonder what she'd want to do, if she could choose.

But her question weighed heavily on him, much heavier than he cared to admit.

"I... don't have kids, if that's what you're asking," he said, then opened his mouth to say something to pass the tension he was feeling. How old do you think I am?

But he couldn't find it in his heart to even joke.

He decided to change the subject instead.

"So if you could be anything, but not a soldier and not a servant, what would you want to be?" he asked.

Jerica eyed him, making a note at how tense her question had made him. She was starting to get the impression that her notes were going to add up to a novel before long -- The Chronicles of Elias: Grouch Edition. She could work on the title later.

"A scientist," she answered, grateful that he hadn't asked for an explanation on Levin or the servant. "Professor Delacer back in the --" Palace. She cut herself off. "Place where I grew up does all kinds of fantastic experiments and has been teaching me the craft. He's chronicling chemical compounds that he discovers, now. I'm hoping one day to find some Jericanium."

She smiled a bit, hoping her would hear the joke, but kept rambling since he'd finally moved to a safe topic.

"We've also been working on sketches of organs, to try to help physicians understand how to treat their patients," she continued. "And we also test some drugs the research-focused physicians develop."

"I also like animals." She was babbling now. It was unlike her. She usually didn't talk much, and even when she did it wasn't to ramble. But, then, she wasn't usually with people who cared to hear what she had to say. "I once kept an iguana in my bedroom an entire week when I was a kid before anyone discovered me. And I wrote a little paper about how skinks mate from how much I watched them in the gardens."

It was nice to hear Jerica talk about not stabbing people, for once. Elias always enjoyed listening to people talk about their passions, and it seemed that she was happy to talk about it.

He knew she liked science, but it was interesting to hear that she wanted to be a scientist. He didn't want to admit it out loud, but he was beginning to suspect that she had the capability to know more about science than he did. At least, for potential. Elias only knew more about science because he came from a more advanced world. That didn't mean he was smart.

"It sounds like you know a lot about science," he said. "I hope you discover Jericanium someday." He offered her a small smile.

"So, why not become a scientist then?" He paused for a second, deciding last minute that this wasn't a fair question. "What's stopping you, I mean? I assume you can't choose your occupation..?"

The smile melted off her face. He always did this. Took a fun topic and made it not-fun anymore. What part of that made you think I want to go back to talking about the military? She bit back a sigh.

"Oh, I mean, you know how it is," she answered, noncommittal. "What's stopping you from getting out of the military?"

Well, that wasn't an answer.

Elias raised a brow, suspicious. "I asked first," he said stubbornly.