The Fateful Heart 2

Evaline felt herself tensing up a little. They hadn't said anything so far today in reference to last night, and it appeared she had accidentally steered the conversation in that direction.

"Hunger can make you say things you don't mean," she said, her eyes focusing on a small crack on the floor in front of her.

James nodded solemnly.

“I just... never did apologize for some of the things I said. I don’t know if I remember everything clearly. But I’m sorry for anything I said that hurt you.”

Evaline held back giving James a stern glance before blurting out that he shouldn't be sorry. In fact, he didn't even say anything that was truly mean. She projected his thoughts to herself, just like how she projected her thoughts on to him.

He was right about one thing: everything she asked him, she mostly asked for herself. Some of it was likely by unconscious decision, but many of the thought-out questions were intentional. Since the first day, she had been asking him personal questions, but only because she wanted to know how similar he was to her. She wanted to know if he could help her. She wanted to know if he provided answers and solutions in ways she never thought about before.

It was her way of asking for help without asking, and James was helping her realizing it was manipulative. If she wanted advice, she should just be direct, especially with friends. With James.

"I think you've done the opposite," she said quietly, her earlier thought replaying in her head. Just be more direct.

"I think you've helped me more than hurt me."

James looked over to Evaline, genuinely confused.

"I... have?"

Evaline thought James would immediately understand, but he didn't and now she wished that she hadn't said that out loud. It wasn't obvious? To him? Just her?

She didn't want to explain this.

"You did," she said, still staring at the ground in front of her while her mind started to prepare itself for the next thoughts to say if he was truly that clueless and didn't know what she could be referencing.

He looked away, staring out at the pool. He realized he'd let off some of the pressure on his side and pressed down again, harder. His face tensed.

"Okay," he said quietly. Nothing else came to him as his mind momentarily went blank again.

Evaline wondered if maybe she should have elaborated, but instead focused back on James apologizing. If anything, she hurt him. She should be apologizing.

She sighed.

"I've told you before that you should apologize less," she began. "And it's not like... it's not like there's a good reason you shouldn't. I guess what I was trying to say, back then, was that I thought you would rather apologize than say what was really going through your mind. But if you truly just wanted to apologize, then... that's fine."

She grimaced a little, feeling like that didn't come out as nice as it played out in her head.

"I just want you to mean what you say."

The amount of relief that suddenly washed over him felt disproportional to the simplicity of her words. The clarity they brought felt like a weight lifted off.

She just didn't want him apologizing if he didn't mean it. It was that simple?

It was strange. He could almost laugh, but he was too preoccupied with his bleeding side. Instead, a minuscule grin painted his features.

"That's all?" he said, the relief clear in his voice.

Maybe if Evaline could look at him, she'd better interpret his words by body language. But it sounded like James was relieved that she only elaborated on that part.

Okay, fine. If he wanted her to pry out all the ways he had helped her last night, she'd gladly do it.

"No," she said, trying not to sound annoyed, but it came out sounding like that, just a little. "Of course not. There are plenty of other things... but listening to me was the biggest. Just, I don't know, listening. Being patient. And... there. Attentive. And honest. At least, I hope. That's what it..."

She had prepared her mind for this, but it was interrupted by the apologizing topic, and now it was all a jumbled mess. She had to bite back a groan.

"... Yeah," she finished.

James realized as Evaline kept talking, that she'd avoided looking at him the whole time they'd been talking. It only just occurred to him that she might've been waiting for an okay.

He looked over at her, his brows knitting together in a mix of concern and confusion. She almost sounded annoyed?

"I didn't mean to... force you to list things," he said. "All I mean was, well, I was relieved. I was afraid that every time I apologized I was just making you more and more annoyed."

He paused, just for a second.

"You - you can look at me, by the way. I just wanted a second to get situated."

"Oh," Evaline said blankly, realizing that she had just said all of that for no real reason.

Well, now she didn't want to look up at James.

She tightly closed her eyes, bracing herself.

"I didn't—that wasn't my intention," she said. "And I'm... I'm the one who..."

She sighed and lifted her head, turning to finally look up at him. At his face. His eyes. Not his body. Not his scars.

"I'm the one who should apologize," she started again, trying to show sincerity in her face, but she wasn't sure if she was able to show it when she was focused on not looking at the rest of his body.

"I didn't realize how hurtful my words can be to you. I'm sorry."

James met her eyes, and he could sense the effort she was making to be sincere. And to not look at him too closely. Not below his head. It took effort on his part not to avert his eyes, and to put all of his sincerity in his next words.

"I forgive you," he said, both gentle, but firm.

The words seemed to float over her head and pierced her chest like an arrow.

Evaline was glad. Glad that he decided to forgive her. But there was so much... so much to forgive. Not just that.

She peeled her eyes away, not sure if she could make eye contact even if he were clothed.

"For... this? Or... everything?" she said slowly.

James watched as she tore her eyes away, but he kept watching her. His expression softened.

"Everything," he said with a gentle conviction.

Evaline glanced at him after he said that, she felt her heart sink into her stomach. The way he say that word and the words before... it sounded like he truly meant it.

And she wasn't sure if he did, or if this was like the apologizing thing again where she thought he apologized because he was hiding back what he wanted to say. She didn't even list out all the things she wanted to apologize for. How could he forgive her without knowing that?

"You..." she began, but immediately faltered.

She bit her lip and sat up straight, trying to keep her composure. Get a real answer.

"Do you actually mean that?" she asked, daring to meet his eyes once more.