The Fateful Heart

Everything in James's mind seemed to come to a screeching halt. Heat rushed to his cheeks and his face was burning. He stared at Evaline with wide eyes, trying to catch up to the current moment, but instead he just found himself frozen.

He was going to give her feedback. He was going to tell her how she did. But now all of those thoughts were gone.

He finally caught his breath, which he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"Um--" came out as the most breathless sort of whisper. He cleared his throat. "Yes."

She passed.

Evaline's mind was racing with so many thoughts, she almost didn't realize that James stood frozen in front of her with wide eyes and a red face she knew wasn't there just a second ago when she—

The thought finally crossed her mind that maybe she crossed a boundary. She had been doing a good job giving him distance and privacy, but today she slipped. Or... maybe not. Did she? Her gut was saying yes but her heart and buzzing mind was saying no.

The excitement somehow didn't die with this thought, and it still took control of her mind, even though the seed of doubt was planted.

"Great! Okay, good." She stood still, trying to appear more composed this time. "So this means I go to the town, and we leave today. How long did you say it would take to get there again?"

Her mind couldn't stop racing.

"And also, how did I do? Did I do anything wrong?"

James averted his eyes to the ground, still feeling his face burn without relent. He panicked and tried to grab for thoughts in what felt like an empty mind.

"You held the reins a little too tightly," he said, still not meeting her eyes. "And you could dismount a little quicker actually, next time. But otherwise, you did very well."

He felt like his heart was pounding. Moments ago, he had been totally composed. And now he felt like he was melting into the ground. He wanted to be invisible.

"If we start moving now, we should make it to the edge of town just before nightfall," he said, trying to pretend he wasn't as red as a tomato.

The excitement was dying down. Maybe it was naturally weaning off. Maybe it was from hearing his critiques. Or maybe it was because she couldn't stop staring at his painfully obvious embarrassed face he was trying to hide, but failing.

She—and James, for that matter—had no reason to be embarrassed, but she felt as if she was starting to feel his second-hand embarrassment.

There were so many things she could have said: Let's move then. What should I know before going into a town? Am I taking Elliot? What would the next lesson be?

But now that the excitement was gone, she felt anxiety take its place. And she had a sinking feeling that she did something wrong—and not from horse riding.

She didn't want this to be a repeat of the night she went through his wounds. She didn't want to undo progress again.

But she didn't know what to say.

"... Are you okay?" she asked dryly after a long pause, trying to not look uncomfortable that he looked uncomfortable.

James looked up at her briefly, still trying to process what just happened. Evaline didn't seem fazed by it - but he shouldn't have been surprised. Things like this didn't seem to bother her. Something about her home earth, probably, being different. But still, he couldn't help the embarrassment, and his face still burned.

He cleared his throat again. "Um - yes. If we're going to go, we should get moving now," he said again, this time making good on his statement by starting to turn around. He didn't need to glance back at his maps to reorient himself. He knew which way to go.

"You'll have to go in by yourself, though. Elliot would be a dead giveaway to anyone who's seen me with him. We can put together a makeshift sack or something for you to carry anything you need to take with you - or, you know what, I could just empty out one of the saddlebags for the time being and send you off with it. To make things easier for you, carrying things."

James was fine, and he changed the subject, but he was fine. Right? Right.

Evaline nodded, catching up to him, walking by his side this time. Ever since she confessed that she observed him whenever he was in front of her, she had been making the conscious effort to avoid doing that again by walking by his side instead. She still had a small inkling that maybe things were a little off since she may have crossed an uncomfortable boundary again, but this time, she chose to ignore it.

"Okay," she said, glancing back between him and the space in front of her as she tried to absorb his words. "No Elliot. Use saddlebag. Got it. Is there anything else I should know about before going in the town?"

James kept pushing the kiss to the back of his head.

It wasn't a big deal. It wasn't a big deal. It wasn't a big deal. Not to her. So he shouldn't say anything. Right? Right.

"You'll have to ask for directions to the sheriff's office. I would ask a street vendor - they're more trustworthy than a random person on the street because they have to keep up appearances and be polite if they want any business. Don't be afraid to ask for clear directions if you're confused. You'll look like a traveler anyway, so they'll be able to tell you're new in town."

Evaline nodded, carefully paying attention. Ask street vendor for directions. Okay.

"So I get directions to the sheriff's office, and then what?"

"Well, then you'll follow their directions. Walk into the office and ask for the sheriff - who may very well be in there, but it can't hurt to ask anyway. Then you can say you're looking for work and wondering if they're looking to hire a sketch artist. Depending on their response you go from there. If they say yes, then you work for them, however long is required - and if they say no, then you may want to ask if they know of any places looking for an artist."

"What would be a decent payment for that?" she asked. "It would be enough to buy everything we needed, right? Maybe more? Do I need to haggle for things? And what kind of of things do we need again? After I buy everything, where do I go to meet back with you?"

They ended up having a lot of things to discuss as they walked, and James was grateful for it. Planning was always a good distraction. There were many situations that needed to be considered, and James wanted to do his best to prepare Evaline - at the very least, mentally - for them.

He didn't think Evaline was completely incapable of holding her own. She seemed like she understood social cues well enough, but it as her lack of understanding of anything involving money that was the most concerning factor. She was a rebel in a war. She used to be a leader. She'd had to have learned how to communicate. How to work with people.

She just didn't know how to do things like pay bills. Or haggle.

Haggling in itself was a skill he couldn't teach Evaline in a day, but he did his best explaining to her how to tell if someone was ripping her off. He told her to compare prices with other stalls and stores selling similar goods as a practical way of learning if things were over or underpriced. He explained the concept of supply and demand, and how that could bring prices up and down. He also told her that if something seemed too good to be true, it probably was, and she should pass on it just to be safe.

He gave her a rough set of numbers for what to expect as payment for sketch artist work. He explained that having never done it himself, he could very well be wrong, but it would probably be between 30 and 40 silver pieces, or 10-20 gold. There was a difference in value. Silver pieces were worth less than gold. It was at that point in the explanation that he felt he could almost visually see Evaline taking notes in her head.

He hoped she'd be able to remember everything. Or at the very least, the most important things.

What she would hopefully get paid was going to be more than enough to pay for the things they needed: soap, food, and a shoe repair. He was adamant that Evaline did not get him brand new shoes. Breaking them in would be more pain than it was worth.

That did mean, though, that he'd be sending his shoes with her. It was a necessary, but temporary loss.

When all was said and done, Evaline only had one last question, and that was what to do when it was all over.

And for that, well, it would be easier to explain where to meet him when they actually got closer. Then he could show her instead of just explaining it in theory. He also hadn't actually been to this town before, so he would be figuring things out too.

As they traveled for the day, her trip into town was central to most of their discussion. Mentions of horseriding, and the test, and everything associated with that one moment of the morning were ignored, and though James couldn't forget it no matter how hard he tried, he was glad they didn't speak of it.

Frankly, he had no idea what to say about it anyway. Besides that it took him off guard, and he didn't know quite what it meant.

He wanted to believe it didn't mean anything. But he knew that was... naive.

Of course, that didn't stop him.

When they finally set up camp for the night, James noticed that Evaline delayed bringing up their usual game of truth or dare, and he wondered if he ruined things again. If he'd been too obvious. Too flustered.

He decided to break the tension as he stirred their little fire to life.

"Do you want me to go first tonight?" he asked. "For the game."

Just when the silence was starting to feel a little awkward, James brought up the game. Evaline quietly let out a sigh of relief, thankful that she didn't have to bring it up.

Or go first. She didn't want to mess things up further if James regressed back into forced lighthearted territory. She'd follow his lead instead.

She nodded, staring at the fire breathe to life. "You can go first."

James gave Evaline a small smile and sat down, and he made an effort to make it look genuine, despite the ball of nerves that had been dancing in his gut all day.

"Alright. How about this. You tell me about the most interesting place you've been back home, or... you have to bury your bare feet in the dirt."

Evaline found the edges of her mouth arch up, but it felt insincere as the word "home" seemed to strike a chord in her. She'd go with the truth option since it seemed like a good way to strike conversation and keep things light, but what was home to her now?

She had been in Nye for more than a month. This seemed like her temporary home, and honestly, it was also the more interesting places she had been to. But she couldn't just bring up a scene of Nye as her answer; that felt too weird and awkward, and she didn't want James to assume that she viewed Nye as her home.

So what could she say? It would have to be on Earth. So, her current home on Earth—the base? Because there wasn't a single sight that was worth mentioning. Or maybe her old hometown?

This shouldn't be a hard question, but it felt like it was. She didn't let it show, instead looking like she was thinking of which answer to pick.

The safe answer in her mind wasn't particularly interesting to her anymore, but it used to be. Maybe James would think so too.

"I used to live underground," she said slowly, locking in on her answer as her posture eased tension and she finally met his eyes. "Many other towns were connected, but you could say my hometown was on the corner of the map. The sky was shared and artificial, but because we were underground, it had to begin and end somewhere. My friends and I realized this and found the corner of the town. There was a big tree, one you can sit on and climb easily, and it had a swing set. It sat right on the edge where the sky met the land, and you could touch the clouds with your fingers."

She found herself rubbing her fingers with a longing look.

"We'd sit on the tree and watch the sun set right in front of us. We called this place the edge of the world."

James tried to imagine that in his head. Being able to touch the clouds, right there at your fingertips - not because you were flying, but because the clouds were that close. Was it like a thick fog? What must that have looked like, having the sun set right at your feet? It seemed almost too foreign to picture, but he tried his hardest to do so.

It sounded beautiful, in its own way. Even if it wasn't real, and was only fake like Evaline said.

"That must've been quite the sight," James commented softly.