The Fateful Heart

James nodded slowly, eyes still on the ground.

He wanted his shirt. He wanted to be able to walk again without trouble and forget about all of this. He wished none of this was happening at all.

He hadn't been okay for a while. He didn't know if he would be for a long time, or ever again.

"Just... tired," he answered as a poor excuse. "I think the drugs are still wearing off a little."

She knew he wasn't okay. She just wanted to know what he would say.

It was hard to read James sometimes, but Evaline knew enough to no longer talk about his infection. Most importantly, though, she would have to stay away from any mention of how he received the infection or the other wounds.

A part of her wished that James didn't know that she knew how he had received his injuries in the same way that he hadn't told her that he knew about the other memories he had lost. A little part of her had always suspected that he had known, but she didn't confirm it until last night. Maybe if she never outright said that she knew, he would feel the same way she did: suspect, but not know. Maybe it actually was better that way.

Reluctantly, Evaline walked over to where she tossed his shirt and picked it up. "Here," she said, handing it to him.

She glanced at his leg, then at Elliot, then his leg again. "Can you walk? Maybe you can ride on Elliot for the day."

James was relieved to have his shirt back, and however pained, he put it back on quickly, glad to have a thin shield between him and her.

"It would probably be best that I ride," he admitted, pulling his leg closer to him to prepare to get to his feet. It already hurt like hell. He kept his face like stone but felt all of the tension build in his head. He wasn't sure if he felt the beginnings of a fever or if he was breaking a sweat from suppressing so much. He would believe either.

Fine.

"I might... need help getting up," he conceded.

James's acting was terribly painful to watch—quite literally, since he was pretending to not feel pain. At this point, Evaline had already observed him enough to know that he had been hiding his pain the entire time, and now that she knew the origins of his injuries, she could only imagine how every bit of movement hurt him so much. He needed to rest, but at the same time, he couldn't afford to.

Him asking for help had to be an indication of his helplessness as well. For a moment, she wondered if he was so much worse than "not okay." Will the medicine work? Will he get better? She can only hope so.

Evaline nodded at him, stepping forward so she was in front of him and then kneeling down, putting his shoes on without prompt. As she slipped the boot on and began tying the laces, she thought of her next words carefully.

"If you're in a lot of pain, or if you don't feel good, or if you need to rest for whatever reason," she said slowly, finishing up a tight knot, "you need to tell me. We're a team now, so you shouldn't do things just to make things easier for me."

She was about to slip his other shoe on, but not before meeting his eyes with an expression to show that she was serious.

"If you need to rest, I'll rest too. And if something is bothering you, then it becomes my problem too, and we can work together to solve it."

James froze and stiffly watched as Evaline put his shoe on his good foot. His good leg. He wasn't sure how he felt about what she was saying, but it felt like her words hooked onto something deep inside of him and were tugging and pulling, trying to rip it out. A deep sadness kept hitting against a wall, and every time it did, it scared him.

Yes, they were in this together. But he didn't want to burden her with his problems. He didn't even know where to begin.

When she met his eyes he wanted to look away, but couldn't.

He could feel the pressure building in his head. Behind his eyes. But he wasn't going to let it out.

He took in a deep breath.

"I've been in pain for a long time," he said quietly, and as emotionless as possible. He hoped that a little bit of honesty would go a long way, and communicate what he was trying to say without saying much. "Rest is often a luxury I can't afford because bigger, more dangerous problems soon follow. But I will tell you if something like this happens again."

He paused, looking over to Elliot, who seemed to be the only one among the three of them who was relaxed.

"I can rest my leg more while riding, but I think we should keep moving for today."

Whether it was reasonable or irrational, he thought they should. They hadn't seen any signs of Butch or Reed or anything, but he had good reason to believe that Butch would stubbornly tail him because of his injured pride.

I know, was what Evaline wanted to say, but didn't.

For a moment she stared at James, trying to decipher what he was really saying behind those deep blue eyes, but getting nothing back. She was glad that he didn't seem to dance around the issue of pain as much, but she knew this was just the surface of his problems.

But he didn't need to share. Not now, at least. Maybe he's not ready. She could understand that.

Her eyes dropped down to the infected wound again, but nothing has really changed since she last wrapped it. He would need to be careful to not exert too much pressure on that leg for the next three days.

She gingerly slipped his other shoe on and again thought of her next words carefully, being careful to not brush up his leg.

"I understand that. And I think..."

She scrunched her brows and unconsciously let out a little scowl like she was internally debating in her head whether she should say her next words out loud or not.

"I think we both need to understand that traveling together means we share each other's problems. So you being on the run will mean I'm on the run, too. And one of us being hurt means both of us are affected, too. I'm not asking you to share everything with me, but I think -- I think there are some secrets we shouldn't keep to ourselves."

She finished lacing up his shoes and began to unroll his pants so that it would cover up his leg again.

"I'm willing to compromise," she said softly after a long pause. "I'll be more honest with you if something affects both of us."

She pursed her lips like she really didn't want to say the next words, but she forced it out anyways.

"Starting with me and my powers going back to undo events sometimes. I can let you know when I went back in time rather than keep it to myself."

Evaline slowly stood up, eyes still serious, although at the same time, uncertain.

"But you'd have to be more honest with me in return, starting with admitting when you need help sometimes, and putting yourself first over me or others."

She extended her hand for him to take it so he could stand up.

"What do you think?"

James looked up at her and took a deep breath.

He took her hand.

"Deal," he said.

He knew they were reasonable terms, and he didn't want to argue them, especially when her end was on the line, and she was offering that freely. It would be better to take it now if all it meant was admitting when he was struggling physically. That might prove to be easier said than done, but he was willing to swallow his pride if it meant he could at least know ahead of time what things had been reversed before he had dreams about it. Then he could mentally prepare himself if the dreams happened again.

Evaline breathed out and let out a small relieved smile as she pulled James to his feet. She wasn't sure how committed they both were to this deal, but she did emphasize that she would be more honest if the information would affect both of them. It was a strategic move that also helped each other. Surely he didn't expect her to share personal time jumps that didn't concern him, just like she didn't expect him to share personal problems that didn't concern her. Right?

Without asking, Evaline stepped to his side and slid his arm over her shoulders so that he could use her as support to walk.

"Alright then. Let's walk to Elliot," she said, one arm wrapped around his back for extra support. "You okay?"

James let her support him so he could keep his weight off his bad leg.

"You know, you keep asking that," James said - tense, but he was trying to convey sarcasm. A glimpse of humor. "I thought it was obvious."

"I thought it was too," Evaline said back in the midst of the tense moment, not realizing how snippy that sounded until it was too late.

"Alright, let's walk to Elliot now," she said, quickly changing the subject as she slowly started to take one step forward at a time, letting him hold on to her for support.

James accepted the help and managed to get up on Elliot, but it wasn't easy. He had to pull himself up, and thankfully, Elliot was patient - he could tell that James was in pain, and didn't fuss as much as he normally would. But once James was in the saddle, riding was pretty easy. James found a rhythm.

His head felt foggy, and he was pretty positive he was running a low fever, but he forgot to mention it as the day went on. They traveled and traveled, and he knew what direction they were going, but he focused on little else besides navigating and looking out for tracks.

Despite Eve's somewhat positive interaction with the goblin she met, he steered them away from a few more goblin tracks that he spotted. Quietly, and without mention.

The day went by slowly, and with very little conversation. He could sense the tension in the air between him and Evaline, but he didn't have the energy to break it, and he didn't know how to. He was still trying not to ruminate on what happened last night. Their conversation - that stupid game - even before everything else already felt so far away and distant.

Night came. The trees started to become a little shorter, and a little thinner. The forest was slowly getting less dense. They had less cover, and the air seemed to tease at warmer weather, though not just yet.

They settled under a feathery willow tree, and tied Elliot to it. Eve did most of the moving around and unpacking, and even asked James (in few words) how to care for Elliot. It was something he usually did himself, but she insisted he leave as much pressure off his leg as possible. Normally, he would argue. But when he dismounted, he barely managed to walk a few steps to the base of the tree, where he sat down and leaned against it.

He told her what to do.

Evaline built a fire. Evaline brushed Elliot down. Evaline got them water, and made soup, and put things away, and didn't complain. James wondered if part of the silence was because she felt guilty, or if it was because she sensed his discomfort.

Maybe it was both.

When they'd both eaten and the sun hid itself under the horizon Evaline finally seemed to settle down. James had hardly moved and was still sitting against the tree, by the fire, with the blanket over his legs. Evaline sat across the fire from him.

There was nothing else Evaline could do to distract herself. She exhausted it all, just so she could delay any uncomfortable silences with James. Although the day had been uneventful, she could feel the tension in the air between the two of them.

Normally she wouldn't give it a second thought, but she really wanted James to feel comfortable around her again. There was something about their friendship that she wanted to not give up on, and the reason was more than his involvement with the note's demands. It was hard to explain. She just missed how things used to be.

So she must have messed up. He was acting too distant, like she was a stranger to him. It was only last night that they had a lighthearted but also deep discussion, and it seemed any connection made that day was suddenly lost.

What did she do? She wasn't sure what he would be upset about. The goblin? Saving his leg? Unwrapping his injuries? Taking his shirt and shoes off? Doing all this without asking for his permission first? All of it?

Evaline found herself staring intensely at the ground while biting her lip, sifting through her thoughts. She already felt awkward as is right now with the uncomfortable silence, and she couldn't imagine doing this for more days. She had to say something.

"So," she finally said, breaking the silence. She was still concentrating on the ground, like she was trying to read words written there.

"I know I proposed playing the truth or dare game every day, but let's pause it for now. At least, until your leg gets better."

"That's fine with me," he said with a slight nod.

The suggestion was supposed to help lighten the tension.

So why did Evaline feel like she made it worse?

James seemed placid enough, but not having a silly truth or dare game meant that there may not be any conversation. Evaline had never been good at resolving things like this, and it felt like she just threw away her one opportunity to set things right.

Unless... she didn't. Maybe the opportunity was still there.

She took a deep breath in and tightly closed her eyes, frowning as she realized that the words she had to say next were not going to be easy to admit.

"I've changed my mind. Let's play one round, and only I will go," she said, staring at the fire like she was studying it before looking up at James with piercing eyes.

She continued on before he could object.

"Tell me what's on your mind, or... I dare you to listen to my apology."

James sighed when she said she changed her mind, and he looked at her with tired eyes that turned sad when the dare came.

That wasn't a dare. Not really.

"That sounds like it combines our turns," he commented quietly. An uncomfortable pause followed.

"But... I'll choose dare."