The Fateful Heart

Evaline noted the lack of detail in his response. She wasn't sure if she should push further, but the stubborn side of her was determined to go through with it anyways since she felt like he had to balance her honesty.

"Do you regret it?" she asked softly.

James closed his eyes for a second, and took in a deliberate breath. In, and out. In, and out. Not too deep. Just focused.

He didn’t have to elaborate. Technically, he didn’t even have to answer. It was a simple answer. It just wasn’t easy.

There was another long pause before he finally said: “Yes.”

Evaline patiently waited for his response again, once again noting the one-word answer.

She decided to pause the fact-checking and decided to ask a different question.

"If you could go back," she began slowly, "back before all of this happened... Would you change things? Would you take a different path?"

James wished Evaline would stop asking questions, but his head felt fuzzy. Like he was walking into a thick fog. It wasn’t quite sleepiness creeping in, but he could feel the beginnings of exhaustion making themselves known with the pressure in his skull.

He wanted to snap back at her. An army of retorts and biting remarks lined up at the back of his tongue, but he swallowed them down bitterly, and with great effort.

Keep it simple. Keep it short.

“Yes.”

Three one-word responses in a row. Evaline wondered if she was pushing too hard now, especially since she was hoping the last question would be more inviting.

She sighed, not bothering to keep it silent.

"I think we all regret some things," she said, watching his still shadowy outline. She wondered if they were looking at each other despite not being able to see each other's faces.

"The best thing you can do is not make the same mistake twice."

Well. Some mistakes could only be made once, but he understood the sentiment.

James finally let go of his legs, and drew his knees away from his chest.

“You know, I think I should get some sleep now.” Before he said something he’d regret.

“Unless you’re ready to turn in. We’ve both had a long day.”

Evaline hesitated, not sure if she felt satisfied with how much he shared. She didn't like that James didn't disclose a revelation as big as hers; she felt a bit cheated, even though she was the one who initiated the topic

They were supposed to reveal things together, right? On one hand, she didn't mind that they took things slow and naturally. On the other, she disliked that this didn't work like an exchange of information. It felt less vulnerable that way.

She sighed, resting her head against the tree and looking up at the stars.

"Go ahead," she said in a faraway voice. "I'll stay up."

A few hours passed uneventfully, and Evaline was itching to distract her mind with the fresh new pages of her journal or book, but it was too dark to work with either. Instead she sat there doing her usual thinking and stargazing into the sky, but this time, she thought less of James, and more about herself.

Right when she started to feel the unshakable effects of exhaustion, James turned over and woke up, letting her rest instead.

And so she did. She had no troubles falling into a black slumber, and she found herself waking up not by James calling for her to wake up, but by the early rays of the sun crawling on her face.

She rubbed the tiredness off her eyes and slowly sat up, squinting to see James at the same spot he was before. And this time, she could make out more than his outline.

He was fully engrossed in the book she gave him, eyes darting across the pages with fingers ready to turn the next page. His brown hair was messier than normal, almost like he had sat there for hours without moving or getting ready, which he often did before he woke her up. For a few seconds, she stood still and admired how perfectly still he sat, and how the lighting of the sun kissed his skin and left behind some of its golden rays on his hairs.

She felt her gaze lingering, so she looked away before she risked James noticing.

She didn't mind acknowledging him after last night's events, but she felt awkward thinking that he'd have to acknowledge her. What was this feeling? Shame?

She wished she could just go back to sleep, but she knew that they had to move forward, and plus, she couldn't hide from him forever.

It was a tempting thought, though.

Trying to be as silent as possible, she stood up on her feet, stretched, and folded the blanket—all while she avoided looking or talking to James.

James was aware of his surroundings, and yet, at the same time, the book consumed him. The moment a hint of sunshine peered over the horizon, James had grabbed the book and started flipping through the pages.

Oh, how he'd missed reading. Something to engage his mind. Something to distract him. It was like you got to listen to someone, but they weren't there, and it took all of the pressure away of having to respond verbally. You could just take it all in.

He heard Evaline get up, but James didn't want to pry his eyes away from the page. He was already halfway through the little book, and it took every ounce of self-control he had to finally close it.

They needed to get moving. Butch could still be looking for them, and he'd let Evaline sleep in. He could enjoy the book later.

As he got to his feet, his body was stiff, and he realized he hadn't moved at all since he picked up the book. He grunted as his shoulder popped (not in a way that felt good) and his body ached. Nothing too different from usual, but still.

He shook it off as a shiver ran down his head to his toes and he walked over to Elliot, putting the book away.

"Good morning," he said - both to Evaline, and to Elliot.

"Morning," Evaline mumbled back, hugging the folded blanket to her chest and staring at the ground with furrowed brows. She looked up briefly to see that James had his back turned away to her to access the saddlebag on Elliot.

She took a step forward, but stopped. Maybe she should just... get this over with.

"About last night..." she said in a strained voice, staring back at the ground as if it held the words she needed there.

But she faltered, not knowing what to say, and paused for far too long.

James turned around slowly and looked at Eve. Hugging the blanket and frowning at the ground, she almost looked like a tired, pouting child. It was kind of cute, actually, but he realized she definitely didn't share the same train of thought. It sounded like she was still thinking about things they'd said. That, or she had more questions. He really didn't know.

After waiting for her to finish her thought, and getting nothing, he prompted her.

"Yes?"

Evaline tried to put her thoughts into words, but she was starting to realize that drawing attention to that night was just making things worse. What was she supposed to say? 'Can you just pretend I didn't admit that my life might be ending if I returned to Earth, and that that might be part of the reason why I'm not so eager to go back'? She couldn't just say that without making things more awkward.

"I..." she began, but immediately faltering once again. She grimaced as her face contorted into one of deep focus, pursing her lips and furrowing her brows some more.

But then she gave up.

"...Never mind," she grumbled, easing the tension and walking forward a few steps so she could toss the blanket over to his hands for him to catch.

"Let's go."

James caught the blanket, and glanced back at Evaline before turning to tie it up on the saddle.

"Alright," he said simply, letting her sit with her thoughts.

She anxiously stood and watched James brush her off as he turned around again to put the blanket away. That should have closed the topic, but she felt as though he just made things worse.

He wasn't actually as calm as he appeared, right? He was also anxious? About everything? Everything she said? Everything she asked? His answers? It wasn't just her, right?

"Okay, look," she blurted out, hands in front of her.

But again, the thought seemed to abandon her mind immediately.

She sighed. Deeply. And then finally tried to meet his eyes, although she couldn't make it look like she was glad to be seeing him.

"We were both exhausted last night. Let's just forget it happened."

James would love to pretend that it didn't happen, but it did. And even though he didn't necessarily enjoy it, after having many hours awake to reflect, he thought it was actually a very valuable conversation to have. Forget the note - he was glad Evaline told him the things she did.

If death inevitably awaited her back home, he could understand more of why she'd want to stay. Or at least, be unsure.

James turned to her, with one hand up on the saddle, holding the horn.

"We could do that," he said. "But it doesn't change the fact that it still happened."

"No, it doesn't," Evaline murmured in agreement, looking off to the side in defiance. "But we still could."