April Madness

Rushed it..>.<

I cannot take it anymore,
my heart aches, I slam the door.
Fits of rage and depression swirl around me
i need to let it all out, I just want to be free.
The past it comes and haunts me like the shadows of the night
showing my regrets, it makes me want to cry.
The future fills me with pictures of rejection and loneliness
i don't know how much longer I can sit here and take this.
My mind has sent me down roads of pain and sorrow,
i don't want to be here when it comes time for tomorrow.
I want to find a new road, one that leads to the open field
where I can run through the lilies and finally be healed.
The thoughts within my mind burden me so.
The anguish of my soul just won't let me go.
I just want to sit and absorb the beautiful tranquility
and be away from all the aching misery.
"Why are you so downcast oh my soul?"
Trust in the Lord, He is in control.

Ponderings

I sit in a field of flowers
just to stop and contemplate.
I stay on there for hours.

I wonder about hate,
and whether there's a remedy,
or if it's a prison we create.

I hear a faint, sweet melody
drifting on the breeze.
It is nature's threnody.

Bored with matters such as these,
I turn my meandering thoughts to life,
Wishing that I possessed its keys.

Then I could be rid of strife,
and finally be absolutely free;
but that will only come in the afterlife.

I'm certain that you'd agree;
My mind is not what it once was,
For it is no longer carefree.

I start to wander off because
I have many other things to undertake.
Even as I leave, my thoughts buzz.

12.

I have made a plaster cast
of all your rings; ages lined
together getting further apart
with every slice and dice -
I'm sorry, was this yours?
I have already sunk the metal
of you into this kiln, the dust
left behind is swept into piles
- can you find yourself there?

Tell me what the world has meant to you.
I heard you pierced the sky to find stars true.
Whisper all the things you dreamed to do.
Let’s release those dreams up to the skies,
they float away like butterflies.
Honey, just close your silver eyes.
As they drift celestially higher,
their wings catch an eternal fire.
Those dreams ignite this cobwebbed pyre.

spread the carbon ashes
wear the scarlet sashes
tributes of our dimming lashes

the pages were crisp, once
pressed just so and creased into binding
meant to be broken.

the edges yellowed first
wavy with water spilled
when a bag crushed a bottle
against the side and dyed everything purple
before anyone noticed the stain spreading to the carpet.

it wouldn't lie flat, anymore
and left in windows to dry
pressed under dictionaries and yearbooks
no one missed
but the binding had started to fray.

young fingers tore out pages
looking for treasure
not knowing the promise held more allure
in empty pages than empty minds
could fathom.

the cover's streaks mellowed
after the weights were reclaimed,
leaving it left in the soul-stealing sun
that softened scars and blinded eyes.

the dust settled simply in the crevices,
eating at its bones.

wild fowls we raised
in this sordid country and this became
how they were named after each of our mothers
with their long skirts and trunk waddle legs strong for rearing.

*

my sisters and I wild in our dreams
chased geese by the shallow ponds,
how we'd hop over their bodies, tumble down
their backs, tinkling tea cups
in our dresses, collecting feathers in our tresses.
by then they've all molted,
and our mothers too, molted.
we saw the shine gone from their eyes.

*

we'd inspire ourselves saying over and over
how geese all mate for life. we assumed these our heroines
who were not made for the glory of swans, but the loud honks
and the plain faced plump of a gaggle, fluffed and poised were their curtsies.
we assumed all girls should curtsy.

*

Except for
by the lavender
of dawn when a goose
rises to unfurl, rises to crane
herself up and up and all the strength
of her brawn, and all the kick of her legs and wild
the flap and circling arch of dust-busting, powerful wings; she flies.

*

and we used to despair and go swallow her feathers,
hoped in our hearts
we'd sprout wings.