~nariel~

That was really really good. But I have a few pointers. First, I think you should give your characters some names so you're not saying 'he' and 'she' all the ...

Hello, I haven't read the other chapters before this, but I promise I will. Now, onto the critique. “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!” it was really shrill and Luster knew at once it was ...

Hey, This was really good for a beginning. I found a couple of things though. She stepped off of the sidewalk and unto the street, watching for cars out of ...

I really like this. It's very very sweet and painful at the same time. My only suggestion is to make this longer!!! It's really good. Erm...I think that's it. You're ...

Yay! *claps* Another chapter! Okay, one: this was still a little bit choppy, jumping from one scene to the next. Try slowing down a bit and making things flow easier. ...

Hello, This was a little short, but I can manage a nice review. First, I think you should put a space between your paragraphs like this: Laughing faces swam into ...

Good job! =) I need to point out a couple of things, though. But once I change, it’s a wonderful feeling. I feel free, especially when I start running. And ...

Well, I would definitely choose this over Blood and Chocolate any day. And that's very very good. I love your style. The pacing was perfect for me because I like ...

This poem made my day. I really liked it. It got a little wordy near the middle. Like your fellow reviewers said: 'it's a bit muddy'. But the whole idea ...

Hello! Okay first, this was a really good start, although it was a little short. I hope you add more on. Next: this sounds a lot like Planet of the ...

I think Silly Sydstix caught most of the mistakes, but there's a few things I would like to mention. I. Your dialogue needs a lot of work conventions wise. You ...

Very interesting. I liked this. And yes, I agree with chocoholic: this is very original. The difference was in their faces. In the daytime, you could see kindness on anyone’s ...

This was very good, but I agree that you need to work on your punctuation a bit. This was very original and I really enjoyed this. I can relate to ...

Hey Talking_Pinata, I don't think I've seen you around before. Well, hi! First thing, this post was a bit too short. Next time, try making it longer. In my opinion, ...

I agree with Doctor Kitty on the bit about: baby on the doorstep being used a lot. It has been used a lot, so it's kind of annoying seeing that ...