~Excalibur~

Still you should have just edited the top instead of bumping it. Could have saved me 10 minutes of reading an outdated variant. That or could you please have just ...

Hi, I'm Excalibur and I'll be do this paragraph by paragraph! -------- I opened my eyes, and the pain drowned out the sounds. I wanted to scream and get up ...

Simple line by line review here: --------- For all the ordeals of character that might arise, There is not much more telling than the threat of demise ('the threat' doesn't ...

Your prologue is better then mine, but I hope I can review it well enough for you! Doing paragraph by paragraph in brackets. Onto review. ~Prologue~ Once a great many ...

I am a bit confused. This is your third edit? Usually people post one chapter at a time, but you didn't seem to do that. As the work gets longer ...

Modern approach, pretty smooth transitions. Nice, nice. Though your use of adjectives creates some awkward points as mentioned by Pippie. This piece is hard to review because it is so ...

Alright. Sorry to gravedig here, but I was asked to review this in exchange for Foxfire taking a look at my unposted pieces of my own work. I'll do this ...

Third: Show don't tell (you're going to hear this a million times): so describe the feelings, places etc. a bit more. I have here an example I don’t… know” the ...

Very tame for an R rated post, wouldn't even make PG-13 in my eyes. First person is so confining, but you seem to have experienced it before and worked quite ...

Well, you kept all names nice and proper so I have one less thing to rant off about in this review. Let's handle the key offending issue. The dialogue driven ...

Nutty pretty much sums it up, so I'll just go and make note of my pet peeve. Midori, Sean, Micheal. Which name is out of place? Try to use names ...

I'm going to spare us all the hassle of a line through line bit here and opt for a quick run through which I hope will not offend you. You ...

Hi! Sorry if I am lazy about quotes, but I want to handle this work paragraph by paragraph. On to the review ------------- Lord of Dragon's: (You mean Dragons. -'s ...

Light and fluffy, huggy. I'm glad you did not get to the second part, which doesn't exist to the likes of me. Problem with it, Light is not that way. ...

Most of the other points have already been done to death, but I might as well try to put a new suggestion in. Names. The names seem a bit unusual. ...