xoCairo

changes comments (Nick) ~Singing only keeps me from crying~ She looked beautiful , e ven though her eyes were puffy and red. Bit by bit , Nick had been able ...

comments changes purple! :D Prologue: As kids, Abigail and Nick were best friends. Never apart. Once they reached 5 years old, Nick went off to school, and Abigail was homeschooled. ...

It might be just me, but I found the first part a bit misleading. I took it to believe the main character currently had the smell of bacon, etc. coming ...

changes comments Jamie. I now looked out over the road, potholes, dead bodies, houses still smouldering, and then I see something that makes fall to my knees… My dead family. ...

changes comments The memory replays in my head Like a never ending roll of tape I think you could've used a better simile here. Honestly, it doesn't seem to fit ...

changes comments Jamie, a vision in white. She was dressed in a low back, creamy white dress and she flaunted her amazing wings… Wings of an angel… The dress was ...

Honestly, I was confused by this, and thus decided to read through everything else listed as part of the novel. Result? Even more confusion. I don't understand what order it's ...

The last two lines pretty much blew me away. Despite the inward conflict, the last line unites, makes sense, and has quite a deep meaning. I liked those two lines ...

I liked the way you started it. You got my attention immediately, and I was quite curious. Afraid of starting what? Good job, your starting sentence (and paragraph) was mysterious ...

"It's got a rider. Unicorns are much too stuck up to have riders."  "Okay, but you have to use the muffin voice."  ^ Two absolutely amazing lines that made me ...

comments changes Once upon a time there lived a boy and a girl who shared a dark past, a grim present and a horrifying future. Normally, I dislike the whole ...

comments changes Distant , yet familiar memories flashed through my head sending mixed emotions through me; great sadness with a tinge of happiness Images of a newborn baby with distinct ...

I liked this. The emotion and all was quite real, and overall, the poem was good. I have a few nitpicks though. I see it's shore is full of stones- ...

Second chapter already? I love you as much as I'm loving your story! Once again, you started very well. My attention was yours right from the get go, and not ...

comments changes Alec awoke to a beam of light shooting across the room, a thief breaking in through a gap in the blinds. (Honestly, the first two times I read ...