"You know," Timothy remarked, "this is the first Festival we'll be attending alone since the twins were born."
Christa smiled. "The whole purpose of Festival is bring all of us together. Look- there's Arthur, come to escort us."
"Well, they don't call us gray squirrels for nothing." He was only mildly surprised when his wife reached the ground ahead of him.
Land at last! Gratefully, Aaron stamped his paws on the firm soil. By his reckoning they'd been at sea for two weeks. This was the second day of their third.
"Here, ferret, catch hold of this. I'm not doing all the work!" He just barely caught the bundle of supplies Hope threw at him. When she starts calling me "ferret", it means I'm to work like a dog. Ah well, what are friends for?
It was a pleasant spot they'd chosen to camp- not really a wood, but a small grove.
The twins were fairly certain they'd find other squirrels here.
Aaron didn't doubt it. He'd already scented a dozen, and one in particular. This one had the scent of a healer about her. What's more, he was fairly sure she carried some authority, as no other smells came so close to the campsite.
I hope she knows if there any ferrets here.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Honestly, I was confused by this, and thus decided to read through everything else listed as part of the novel. Result? Even more confusion. I don't understand what order it's all supposed to be read in. I'd suggest putting the chapter number in the title or summary.
First, I'd suggest you start this in a more interesting way. One that explained Timothy and the others. I had no idea who he was or anything... Obviously the twins' father (I think?), but other than that, I don't know anything. Who're the twins? Talan and Aaron? Detail is your friend now. Put more in and clear up the confusion.
You have an interesting idea here and could go pretty far with it, but you need to work out the details and put the right ones in so we know what's going on.
Hey Stori!!! I have one thing to say: describe. Not that this is bad! No not at all just need to expand it and add more detail. I'm really confused on what's going on. I really love this idea and it has great potential!!! If you want help just PM me and i'll come. I wish you luck!!! I couldn't find anything wrong with this and I hope to read more of it soon!!! Sorry my review is really late I've been really busy haha, I had planned on reviewing earlier but didn't have the time...sorry. Keep up the good work and Happy Writing!!!
Soulkana<3