xalabasteralienx

1. Throughout the piece you go back and forth between present and past tenses. It feels like the whole poem should be one tense to me. example: I sit there ...

Wow. Ok. I like the story plot, but the piece moved WAY too quickly for me. And you didn't describe the characters' emotions and what they were feeling very well ...

:(I'm so sorry.:( I liked how you repeated the line "This wasn't supposed to happen". It worked with the rest of the piece and was a good first sentence for ...

When I read this, I thought of Linkin Park (maybe Bleed It Out ). Sorry if that offends you, but it's my opinion. I like the idea of the song, ...

I like this. It feels original. The message is clear and the title fits with the concept. I like how you started the chorus (I think that's what it is). ...

This isn't love? Maybe you meant to put a period there? I love the cake simile. Very good description there. My least favorite stanza is the second one because the ...

i like how you added in lines in the parentheses. it made the poem more fun and childish ( :D ) the sound of the words rolling off your tongue ...

Locked in the basement are secrets growing old; should that be "... our secrets growing old..."? First stanza - ...tortured by their demons... Third stanza - ...torturing the ones they ...

I like it. There are a few punctuation mistakes and capitalization mistakes, but I like the plot. There are a few things I'd like to point out personally, though... #1: ...

Okay, so here goes. It's three in the morning, so I'm a little groggy. Two days later, Ari was limping and sporting a yellow and purple bruise just below his ...

First thing: the title. It sounds like Little Einsteins or The Little Rascals. I'm sorry, but a sixteen year old boy shouldn't be killing some lady when his 'agency' sounds ...

throwing verbal daggers at each other. I love this! Very cool. Again, there are a few typos, and your commas and periods might be placed a little better, but that ...

I love that Robert dies with Cari in his arms. That is so romantic. Critiqueing: the next evening, in the early hours of the morning This might just be me, ...

The Mercedes then smashed into the side of a massive lorry. But when the car hit, it sliced right through the lorry, like smashing through glass. The lorry immediately stopped ...

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!!!! :D it's so beautiful and heartfelt. it sounds great and wonderful and brilliant...and i don't think there's even a word invented for how much that ROCKS!!! ...