Just for the record, xalabasteralienx, you can edit your own posts if no one has posted underneath them. Now on to the critique:
The "own" rhyme scheme in the first couple stanzas was kind of annoying and sounded forced. The rest of your rhyming seemed alright to me.
Your chorus was too long for my taste. A chorus should be short and sweet so it can stick in the listener's mind when you repeat it. This one just seemed like another verse. Your ending might have made a more fitting chorus. Or you could just condense the one you have.
Overall, though, I loved it, especially the second verse.
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