Published February 26, 2007
you think you're all alone,
like you were never known.
that there is no one there,
and no one even cares.
where's that smile that was known?
now only sadness is shown.
Your life has been filled with lies,
you feel no reason to even try.
but this isnt the final day,
it can go another way.
things will come clear,
now that i am here.
*chorus*
can't you here your heart cry,
because you don't realize,
the one you left behind
is really something new to find.
the pain that will not end,
doesn't have to come again.
don't you even cry
as the time goes wandering by.
just stay by my side,
we'll make amends tonight.
no more endless strife,
its time for a new life.
*end chorus*
Getting lost inside your mind,
left with nothing to find.
try to mend your broken past,
but none of it would ever last.
Holding on to things too tight,
searching hard to find the light.
letting out hopeless tears,
left with everything to fear.
but you dont need to run away,
things can go another way,
dont need another sign,
let me help you out this time.
*chorus*
(slowly)
Not another darkened lie....
Not another stupid fight...
this time the pain will end...
this time the pain will end!
*chorus*
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141,727 Literary Works • 675,621 Reviews
Just for the record, xalabasteralienx, you can edit your own posts if no one has posted underneath them. Now on to the critique:
The "own" rhyme scheme in the first couple stanzas was kind of annoying and sounded forced. The rest of your rhyming seemed alright to me.
Your chorus was too long for my taste. A chorus should be short and sweet so it can stick in the listener's mind when you repeat it. This one just seemed like another verse. Your ending might have made a more fitting chorus. Or you could just condense the one you have.
Overall, though, I loved it, especially the second verse.
sorry, but I forget what i want to say a lot of the time and then it comes back to me and i have to reply again.
so anyway, i wrote an english paper and it was called rebirth. it had a totally different concept than yours, but it kind of fit.
"Sanity is madness put to good uses." --George Santayana (hope this helps)
see ya!
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!!!!
it's so beautiful and heartfelt. it sounds great and wonderful and brilliant...and i don't think there's even a word invented for how much that ROCKS!!!
you are a great song writer! keep at it!